Tag: wisdom

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Proverbial warning labels

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved.” Proverbs‬ ‭5:8-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​Doors are an interesting way of illustrating wisdom’s point. My feeling on this, once we’ve opened a door, be it out of curiosity, peer pressure or even escape, I don’t believe we have the power to ever close it.

When I was a young-er (cough, cough) pastor I imagined standing in the middle of a round room full of doors. Each door had a label. Each one seemed have a invitation that just begged me to open it. Maybe it was a sexual door or a drug experience door an alcohol or gambling door. Maybe even an abusive relationship door.

These are doors that I’m sure my parents opened because I experienced a childhood where I watched them struggle with various addictions and emotional attachments that I knew were not healthy. But I also had my own set of doors. And, as I wrote, once opened I’ve not figured out how to ever close them.

What about deliverance from sin you ask, or freedom and redemption? Yes, absolutely. However, I don’t think the door ever fully closes – remember I’m the one who opened it. There are doors my family of origin may have opened “for” me, exposing me to things that should never be seen or experienced as a child.

Let’s take gambling for example. My family had a history of gambling. They would call it “social” gambling, even “gaming” and had “calculated” losses. I had my little experience with the “one-arm-bandit” (slot machine). It was fun and exciting, colorful and intriguing sounds, plunk, boing, ching ching ching. My nickel was gone and I didn’t win. It was fun, but I had no desire to do it again. As I got older I would feel the pull of those feelings of risk and reward, the sights and sounds of machines and people having fun sitting around a table with fast moving cards or dice. Knowing that door had even slightly been opened, I made a decision as a teenager. I would not be a gambler, not a social one or a gaming one or even a simple little lottery ticket player. Why? Because I saw the damage it caused in my family and I didn’t want that kind of life in my own future. IF I were to gamble now, I’m pretty sure I’d be hooked and sucked in.

BTW, same goes for drinking alcohol if you’d like to know the truth.

This door of immorality that the wisdom writers warned of – it is very real. It’s also ridiculously spun as fun and free in our sex-saturated-society.

WARNING: Don’t open this door wisdom says, don’t go near they cry OR – YOU WILL LOSE! Proverbs writes the consequences of those who opened it and can’t ever shut it. “Strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. You will say, “How I hated discipline! If only I had not ignored all the warnings! Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors? I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.”

These proverbial warning labels are no joke and the very real life consequences are devastating. See those doors around you? The ones that say, “just try me,” “just take a peek,” “what’s one time gonna hurt.” DO NOT OPEN THEM.

You’ve been warned.

PRAYER:

Dad,
You know the doors I’ve opened and you know the doors that, thankfully, I’ve stayed away from. I absolutely love your mercy, patience and forgiveness I’ve experienced from those doors I have opened or the ones my family opened and shoved me in for a peek. I really want to put a bunch of caution tape around the ones that have devastated my family as a kid. I want to warn others about experiencing or experimenting with these awful and alluring sins. Help us O’Lord. Help us men and women, fathers and mothers. We need your wisdom and grace.

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A Father’s job description

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you.”                Proverbs‬ ‭4:4-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​After hearing Tim Keller say that Proverbs was probably written as curriculum for a Hebrew boys school, it’s hard to get that picture out of my head. I read this chapter as a possibly a guest Dad coming in and talking to the class. He writes, “For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.” It wasn’t Solomon himself because Bathsheba had other sons.

Still, when a passage boldly opens with, “my father taught me,” I have a sense of loss. As I’ve written tons of times, if you have/had a great Dad, be thankful – be very thankful. If, like me, that word is a sore spot, then I encourage you to do everything in your power to BE a great Dad. I have certainly tried to do that with my three children, and now with their S.O. as well. Now I’m focusing on being an amazing Granddad!

These passages are really the number one job of a Dad – to lead, guide and give WISDOM for their children. Things like character, discipline, patience, delayed gratification, decision-making, self differentiation, self awareness, frugality and generosity are key areas that come from parents and are actually learned very early in a child’s life. Parenting starts with high control and allows children to make more decisions on their own as they grow. A friend of mine told me that freedom was his kid’s reward for making those good decisions. Good decisions mean a lot more freedom by the time they’ve reached 15-18 yrs old. That means a lot of “do-overs” and discussions around poor decisions because it will give them the practice they need for building their own life.

I know guys who are 30, 40, even 50 who still do poorly at managing their own life, thus do poorly leading their families. BTW, even great Dads aren’t perfect. Children find that out as they get older.

This whole idea of getting wisdom at an early age means that their foundation and their launch-pad of life is solid. And, best of all… getting wisdom is a personification of having a solid relationship with God. There is some discussion and controversy surrounding the idea that wisdom is either Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I’ll let you research that on your own. The word “Spirit” in Hebrew is feminine (Hebrew (רוּחַ, rūaḥ), neuter in Greek (πνεῦμα, pneûma). And wisdom is feminine as well ( חָכְמָה, chokmah).

PRAYER:

Dad,
I could not do anything about when, where or who I was born to, and had zero control over what happened to me or around me as a child. However, once you got my attention at fifteen, the decisions to be and live differently from my family of origin story was up to me! It took (still takes) a lot to fight inertia to make change happen. I have to continually struggle with a self-limiting attitude in my head that says, “I’m lucky to have made it this far!” I will push and even fail if necessary to not let my past define my future. You are my future! You have redeemed me and set aside a purpose for my life. I want to be and attain ALL that you have designed for me and not wimp out on any part of it. YOU are my audience of one!

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Re-framing the neighbor wars

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Don’t plot harm against your neighbor, for those who live nearby trust you. Don’t pick a fight without reason, when no one has done you harm.”
‭‭                                                                                            Proverbs‬ ‭3:29-30‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Proverbs has quite a bit of neighbor references when it comes to teaching wisdom. I could easily get all philosophical about how caring for your neighbor builds good communities. Or, if you are good to them, they’ll be good to you. And, I am positive that the whole concept of “neighbor” has changed over several millennia. From tents sitting on acres and acres of land, to homesteads on the plains, hills and valleys. To the “five-foot” setback of neighbors or even shared walls.

We, in the non-rural setting, are really close to each other. If someone in the house next door sneezes we can say, “God bless you,” and they’ll hear ya.

For me this idea of “neighbor” comes down to the Shema+ that Jesus created and told us, as believers, to focus on. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” AND, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Combining Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18. Rabbi’s had the authority to pull passages from the law, not only to interpret them but also to teach people about God. Jesus quoted the most famous of all and most beloved of all verses that was part of the Shema which starts with Deut. 6:4, “Hear O Israel.” The Shema was constantly quoted all day long. It would bring an orthodox Jew to a centering point of pure joy and peace, often bringing tears to their eyes. We don’t have anything so powerful in passage form in our culture today. Maybe something like America’s Pledge of Allegiance, but that is no longer held with such high honor 😥.

Then in Luke 10:27, Jesus ADDS to the script. He chooses this obscure thought out of Leviticus (which means ויקרא He (God) called) to love your neighbor as well. Proverbs makes a big deal out of neighboring because, in its lessons about wisdom, the writers point to the overall theme of the entire Bible, LOVE GOD, LOVE PEOPLE.

As a believer, it is unthinkable to hate, harm or fight with a neighbor because it goes against God’s plan for humanity. God is wooing my neighbor, how can I help by starting fence wars with them?

Oh, we’ve had some doosies for neighbors, but these Proverb’s verses always bring me back to my motive and intent. BTW, our backyard neighbors are apparently moving, along with their constantly yappy dogs they ignore (feel that negative vibe). I hesitantly pray that God brings some folks for me to practice (love) on! There was an old TV show in the sixties that had an bright, but obnoxious little boy named, “Dennis” in it. The show title said it all, “Dennis the menace.” Poor grouchy old Mr. George Wilson (Joseph Kearns) was the Mitchells’ neighbor. Mr. Wilson is the perfect anti-character, antagonist that helps remind me to be a better neighbor. Who was your favorite “neighbor” from TV shows?

PRAYER:

​Dad,
You know, oh boy do you know how much I love my peace and quiet in my neighborhood.

You know how much I HATE fireworks going off constantly. You know how much I HATE loud, booming bass music blasting out of open windowed cars and the drivers think they are sharing their favorite tunes. You know how much I HATE modified-mufflered vehicles that rev up their ego setting off car alarms as they proudly cruise through the neighborhood.

Am I venting too much?

But you know I need your help to reframe all of those incidents to pray for the noise-offenders and let you supernaturally work in their hearts. Help me to bless them and not curse them. Of course, I would love for you to send some angels to wet their fuses, blow their speakers or head gaskets, but I won’t tell you how to do your job.

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Rules or principles of fairness and equity

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:27-28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This wisdom nugget isn’t just applicable to neighbors. This principle should be applied in all areas of leadership, business and especially when it comes to pastoring and leading a church. I purposely use the word “principle” which is a guideline for making decisions when leading people.

Oftentimes folks want a RULE. I get it, rules are certainly more solid, you know, “black or white,” clear and undeniable – right? Well, not so fast. Here’s my beef with rules. They appear to be simple and clear, but I promise they are not. For every rule created there are dozens of “loopholes” to get around it, actually nullifying the point of the rule in the first place. Let me just write one word here: LAWYERS. What do you they do? Find and take advantage of loopholes. Ok, but that’s just one problem with hard and factual rules. Here’s second one: rule management. The person, group or contract has to manage a mess of infractions for the rule-breakers. If you break a rule, there is a consequence for not obeying it. Someone has to dole out the punishment, er, consequence. And it has to be done quickly and fairly. There’s nothing worse than two people breaking the same rule, but one gets a pass, the other gets caught and has to pay up. And, because God MADE us creative, we’ve got thousands of ways around some rule that some sets up. Each one of those loops has to be caught, addressed and updated. It’s a endless cycle of systems to manage WRONGDOING. I hear you. Yes, there are rules or laws that must be stated and adhered to, I’m not advocating for anarchy. However, many times people run to rule-making, but they don’t want to live a life of rule-managing. I am so happy that God originally only gave humanity 10 rules/laws. Can I tell you that some very smart people called the Jews have even come up with ingenious ways to get around God’s big ten. They cranked up 613 laws to “explain” how to keep the original 10. That’s a 6030% increase!

Wow, that was a serious off-topic trail! Back to not withholding good from those who deserve it. The reason I sidetracked on rules and laws is that it tries to treat everyone “fair,” or equitable (so trendy right now). Fair? Equitable? Do we even understand how complicatedly difficult it is to do that to scale?

Proverbs frees us from this insanity of fairness and gives us the gift of spontaneous generosity. If and when it’s in your power to do good… guess what? Do it! And if it is not in your power or it over complicates the organization or the person receiving the good… guess again. DON’T do it. One of your kids may get a cookie, the other may not! Mind blown.

Andy Stanley has a quote I’ve been trying to live out in my leadership, “do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.” I know that wild statement will get a lot of blowback, but which is better or worse? Creating a rule-based system that goes in a policy and procedure book and has to be added to, changed constantly and managed OR some principles that guide me to making good decisions?

How will you lead? How will you take the advise of Solomon’s wisdom writers, which really is God inspired humans giving out God’s wisdom as well as his character and behaviors. The principle here is simple: when you can, do good to those who deserve it and do it immediately.

PRAYER:

Dad,
All I know is that I want to think and behave like you in as many situations as I can. You’re generous to help, I want to be generous to help. It’s that simple.