Tag: wisdom

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Common sense got cancelled.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace. They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble. You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭21‬-‭26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And, uncommon sense (foolishness) is now king. Oh, I’m not worried about the fact that only a tiny minority believe and try to live out this rejection of all authority and replace it with anarchy and whatever seems right or feels good at the time. My concern is that all the major influencers in our society (TV, streaming, socials, podcasts and news driven by advertisers) are pumping out lies suggesting that these self-driven “free” expressions are now the cultural norms.

Proverbs gives us this “sound” wisdom and judgment or discernment as THE keys to a good life. This Hebrew word, tushiyyah (wisdom), is a “successful” abiding wisdom. A life represented by jewels (financially sound), safety, deep sleep with happy REMS and the absence of constant fear. Sounds peaceful right?

Yet the anti-principled life, lacking common sense and clear thinking would also be true. Uncommon senses leads to a bad life, filled with trinkety costume jewelry (debt), fear, insomnia and constant anxiety that something terrible is about to happen. Yeah, anti-wisdom (foolishness) breeds depression and restlessness!

Proverbs being a book of principles means that these are the scenarios we get to choose; wisdom or foolishness. I’ll tell you what is NOT taught in public schools, especially to the young – wisdom and basic good principles for life. Of course education used to be based on a completely different moral foundation, the Bible. Now, the moral underlying platform is authenticity of SELF.

Young men and women need wisdom more than ever before. I believe they crave it, look for it and would love to see it modeled in their parents. Sadly, many parents are still trying to find themselves and have little time or interest in guiding their own children. The prevalent parenting advice is to let the children guide themselves. Why would parents project their own beliefs, morals or behaviors onto their children’s little self-defined souls? Doesn’t that sound like uncommon sense? Parents are SUPPOSED to guide their children! Proverb’s principles tells us that wisdom, seen in common sense and discernment, will lead to a good life for a child!

Prayer

Dad,
You and I both know my parents tried to do right, tried to be good parents. But all five of them just couldn’t pull it off. Long before I knew you, I had a creepy sense that if I found a way to live OPPOSITE of my own parents decisions, there might be a chance that I would make it. I thought that as a kid! What child should have to seek a good model that is opposite of their parents? I love my moms and dads (well not psycho Ben), but I know I would not have survived without you. My heart aches for children having to raise and parent themselves in this culture of “freedom” and self-authenticity. They need you! Help us Oh God! Pour our your Spirit and save us and our children!

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The sweet spot of wisdom – decision making

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

These simple verses could be the synopsis for the entire book of wisdom. My mistake was thinking it was just for youth, just for late teens, early twenties. Once I got going in life; graduated college (first ever in my family), got married, had a child and settled into my calling from God to be a Pastor, I would be able to take things from there.

These verses were never meant to be a fortune cookie saying. I only thought the hard decisions were about getting started in life or at super big crossroads. I did not think of sustaining a godly life by continually trusting God, ignoring circumstantial signs and seeking His will. Oh silly young Padawan!

Robin and I both have had multiple missteps, life-altering moments and decision points since our youth. And, although I had memorized this verse and mentally quoted it at the start, I somehow had it hardcoded to our beginnings. And, I made the mistake of ONLY associating these verses with big life decisions, when clearly there are daily applications in them. Let’s put it this way, I STILL must trust. I still must ignore the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). I still must seek God’s will in everything. With every decision pondered in prayer. Then with every conviction of faith, I must look for the path that God wants me to take. After that, it’s just about standing on that decision, confident that God has not and will not mislead me!

For example: With most of my people judgements I use the decision tree template of love. If I am to push my way in, wading into the muck and mire of the mess we get ourselves into, I have to decide if love requires that I enter into someone’s personal space to help. I ask, “What is my motive here?” Because if it’s to gain or spitefully be right, then it’s not love. Then I ask, “Am I willing to see this all the way through?” Because if I don’t count the cost, I may flake out when it gets really hard or expensive. Then I have to confront myself by asking, “What if I’m wrong?” I am talking about being wrong to get involved, butting in, throwing myself under the bus! If I make it through the mental flowchart and I get the go ahead, I quietly whisper, “For Christ and His love!” and with Paul’s words to the churches in Ephesus (Eph 4:15) – I go for it. I can definitely add these verses as a pre-checklist prayer as well.

I plan to tattoo these verses on my brain so I can quickly access them everyday.

Prayer

Dad,
Remember how many times I cried and quoted these verses in my teens and early twenties? I was scared out of my mind! I was desperate to do right. I felt ill equipped and awkward making big life, adulting kinds of decisions. You were the only one listening! You were the only one I could trust. I kind of miss that desperation. I also remember having one of those MAJOR crossroads moments when I was forty. I felt like I was completely changing my calling not just careers. You were and are so faithful to answer, to lead and guide. I am so grateful for your kindness and patience with me.

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Wisdom Benefits

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“So follow the steps of the good, and stay on the paths of the righteous.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There are many benefits that come with getting, gaining wisdom. Chapter two lists a few of them.

Wisdom gives us understanding of what it means to fear the Lord and knowledge of God. It guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful. It helps us understand what is right, just, and fair, and how to find the right way to go. Wisdom watches over us and keeps us safe. It can save us from evil people, from immoral people. Proverbs specifically mentions immoral women, but we know that there have always been promiscuous and immoral men as well.

Then, coming to a conclusion about these ideas, Proverbs mentions that wisdom helps us follow the steps of the good and stay on the paths of the righteous! This is quite a list of wisdom’s benefit package when you not only look for her, but follow her advice.

I need a constant reminder that wisdom is Jesus personified in Proverbs. The whole idea is that “getting” Jesus, hearing and obeying Jesus is getting wisdom. Jesus IS the wisdom of God. Following the steps of Jesus and staying on that narrow path (door or gate) through Him is the way to great life and an even greater eternity with God. You get the benefits by staying close to the Savior!

Prayer

Dad,
I am a big fan of wisdom. I lacked it growing up and needed it desperately as a teen and young adult. Now I see the benefits of everything Proverbs says and more! My pursuit, however, is not over. I need lean in, listen and be more astute to obedience than ever before. The wisdom that got me to this point, will carry me on into my future. I am grateful for Godly wisdom! It has definitely SAVED my life.

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Wisdom speaks her mind.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“When they cry for help, I will not answer. Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me. For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord. They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way, choking on their own schemes. For simpletons turn away from me—to death. Fools are destroyed by their own complacency. But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1‬:‭28‬-‭33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It does not help that just before I read this passage out of Proverbs I watched a news clip about a famous group of “influencers” trashing a 10 million dollar home in Hollywood Hills (I flipped on the tele just for a weather report 🥴). These TikTok/YouTube “stars” make money living like kings off eyeballs, clicks and likes from companies who pay them! They have now grouped together signing deals with Netflix for an even larger audience, and generally wrecking havoc on our social culture.

But, influencers aren’t the point here and neither are their antics. The point is wisdom, personified as God Himself, will only call or warn for so long, then she will let you do what you are determined to do – even to the point of your own demise. Earlier in the chapter Wisdom shouts, cries and calls out to those who are simpletons (fools) and mockers. Here in these verses, she is done trying to convince youthful, boundary-less souls to change their ways. Now, she will not answer, she will remain hidden because they hated common sense knowledge and CHOSE not to fear God. You know that even though God can save a soul, He rarely saves us from the consequences of our sin.

Wisdom warns that the fruit of ignoring her is very bitter and she’ll laugh (vs 26) when we choke on our own selfish schemes. Exasperated, Wisdom says that fools are destroyed by their own complacency. You can run, play your games and lap up a sense of power, even wealth, feeling indestructible and untouchable. However, it won’t last forever and the end of that story, your story, will be a tragedy.

Here’s the good news! Proverbs wasn’t written for the wayward fool. Wisdom calls for the young who are looking for answers, for guidance purpose and direction. Wisdom speaks to the curious, the learner, the lonely.

Wisdom is not really trying to warn the influencers, she’s trying to warn the followers, millions of teens looking for entertainment, but aching to fill an unquenchable void in their lives. There are 2.47 billion zoomers (Genz) in the world and 68 million of them are here in the U.S. This is the population that Wisdom (God) wants to warn and win over.

I had to survive similar situations in the seventies, but it was nowhere near the level of difficulty today. Divorce and deadbeat Dads were just on the rise when I was a teen. Single parenting, blended families, “latch-key,” and all day preschool care were still outliers. Now, “intact” marriages are rare and fractured families are the norm.

Teens are raising themselves or worse leaning on highly addictive social media for guidance. Company’s don’t care about their souls, they are after their MONEY. Children and youth should not be left on their own to learn about life! Teachers and mental health hotlines, whether helpful or not, cannot be the foster parents for America’s children. America needs Wisdom. This generation needs God.

Prayer

Dad,
My heart aches and breaks for the disparity and despair in this next generation that needs You so desperately. I would have never made it without you. THEY will not make it without you. Pour out your Spirit on our zoomers! Lavishly distribute your wisdom among them. Show up in their dreams, whisper to them in their darkest moments. Be THEIR God, their father and mother. They are orphaned without your help.

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Wisdom in the hood.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“My child, if sinners entice you, turn your back on them! They may say, “Come and join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent! Let’s swallow them alive, like the grave; let’s swallow them whole, like those who go down to the pit of death. Think of the great things we’ll get! We’ll fill our houses with all the stuff we take. Come, throw in your lot with us; we’ll all share the loot.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1‬:‭10‬-‭14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This scene played out in Proverbs feels way too calm and cavalier – like a dark comedy. It starts so charmingly simple… my child if sinners entice you. Wow! Really? This “enticement” is a gang of thugs planning to jump, murder and rob some innocent passer-by. There’s a even a New Testament version in the gospels on the treacherous and crime-filled road from Jerusalem to Jericho – “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.” Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭30‬ ‭NLT‬‬. Holy moly, did they have ancient gangs in Israel? Proverbs has this sounding like a bunch of J-Higher’s just out looking for trouble, but it’s so mercurially creepy – “hey let’s hide and kill someone just for fun today!” Was that world so cold and calloused? Yep. Is ours pretty much the same today? Yep. How’s that possible? Well, the human heart hasn’t changed much.

Is this how a young man or woman gets jumped into a gang by a simple invitation to play murder? Sadly, yes. Acceptance is huge when you feel abandoned. Have they no conscience, no sense of right and wrong, no feelings for others? Obviously not compared to belonging to something bigger and stronger than themselves. The gang IS family – warped and twisted, but they are together and the “child” would be seen and known.

Do you feel how ridiculous this all sounds? Does it leave you asking the question, “why is this in the Bible and treated so normal, so tolerated? Great! Then you understand this Proverb perfectly.

Without wisdom, discipline or a FATHER figure this is what we get. We get child-thugs without a moral compass or conscience! Get Godly wisdom, give Godly wisdom saving yourself, your kids and our nation.

Prayer

Dad,
It breaks my heart to see evil perpetrating on innocence so young. Yet I know from experience, if there are no responsible adults, no framework or boundaries to guide a child, they become victims of the thug mentality. Like feral cats or packs of coyotes they just romp and roam our neighborhoods looking for trouble “just for fun.” Help us God! Help us as bio parents, foster and adoptive parents and grandparents to do better to raise Godly children. Help us get wisdom and teach wisdom to the next generation.

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Riddle me this young Padawan.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young. Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Proverbs was written, likely as a school course for young men (according to Tim Keller). You just can’t get any clearer about the purpose of the book, the collection of the wise and their riddles. To teach people to live disciplined and successful lives.

Who doesn’t WANT discipline and success? Well, Proverbs also helps us with that answer in later chapters. We find it is the either the FOOL or the REBELLIOUS.

The rebellious is obvious. Throwing off constraints, doing what they think is right and ultimately whatever they want to do. They learn through bloody noses, broken bones and lots of trouble with parents and authorities. They feel invincible and indestructible, yet they tend to damage everything around them. What’s the greatest excuse the rebel uses later after burning down everything around them? Why didn’t someone stop me? Uh, because you wouldn’t listen.

The first group, the fool, is trickier. There are purposeful, malicious fools and the thick-headed, bumbling ones who can’t figure out why they have no real friends.

Proverbs is written to help people who want wisdom, to find it. And by warnings, to try to keep people from being the rebel or the fool, knowing they will not listen or heed any advice. The wise person admits they do not know and want to learn, the rebel cares about nothing but themself and the fool is sadly stuck in a loop for life.

Proverbs isn’t a casual read, one-and-done experience. It was written to be explored, held in tension and to experiment with the process. You read a Proverb like 16:9 when you’re young, then mediate on it in your 30’s, 40’s and beyond. “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” Like I’ve written before, I read one entire chapter of Proverbs every single day when I was 16 years old and did so until my 20’s. I determined to LIVE my life based on Proverbs 16:9.

I memorized verses, I learned that if I got wisdom it was the only way it would make up for my shyness and social awkwardness. When I started Proverbs I just wanted to be normal, by the time I was 20, I discovered that normal was overrated and boring. Actually, because of Proverbs I just wanted to be who God created me to be! I was differentiating from what the fakes and fads were trying to pull off while trying impress others. I would be stubbornly obedient to God, opposite of resolutely rebellious. I would run towards God not from Him. I would seek to cause good trouble, not backing down from a challenge. I would not ignore bad behaviors or choices of friends when I deeply loved them, even risking their friendship to tell them the truth. Remember, “better the wounds of a friend?” (27:6).

Proverbs sharpened my social skills and gave me an edge of godly perspective when life was challenging. Proverbs even gave me kind of sixth sense when people were lying to me, using excuses to hide from what they knew was true, or even twisting God’s Word to fit their circumstances. God used Proverbs to do just want Solomon wrote, teach me wisdom and discipline.

If you lack wisdom and discipline or your life feels out of control, commit to reading this 31 Day guide, then repeat as often as possible. NO ONE can do this for you! It isn’t a quick fix and can’t give you instant results, but it works! And, unlike all the other self help methods, this one is backed by Jesus himself – the very wisdom of God.

Prayer

Dad,
Where would I be, who would I be without you? Everything good that I have came from you. Every good and decent thought or behavior is there because of you. Your word has been and is a light shining ahead of my feet! As I look back, I am so grateful for your grace and abundant wisdom!

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What do YOU want?

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“That night the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream, and God said, “What do you want? Ask, and I will give it to you!” Solomon replied, “You showed great and faithful love to your servant my father, David, because he was honest and true and faithful to you. And you have continued to show this great and faithful love to him today by giving him a son to sit on his throne. “Now, O Lord my God, you have made me king instead of my father, David, but I am like a little child who doesn’t know his way around. And here I am in the midst of your own chosen people, a nation so great and numerous they cannot be counted! Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?” ‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God asked Solomon in a dream. What a dream that must have been. Just coming off the Christmas Day experience yesterday, that question gets more and more difficult to answer as you get older – at least it does for me.

If God came to me in a dream and asked me what I want, I’m not sure I could answer right away. Solomon was probably 20 to 24 years old and was looking at ruling a population of 5 million people. And, shocker, Israel had become so large and powerful that their previous captors, Egypt, became an ally! The Pharaoh gave his daughter to be married to young Solomon.

In this dream where God asks Solomon a question that had never been asked, Solomon answers God. He humbly and honestly asked God for what he needed the most to carry on the legacy his father had left him. What leader doesn’t grab all that he can get with an offer like this at the outset of his totalitarian rule? Maybe Solomon had a sense, a taste of what ultimate power and wealth brought him. It didn’t look like more of the same would help him be the son, the King that God’s people needed him to be. So he answered, “give me an understanding heart,” so he could govern well. So the nation would be known, and have a culture of knowing the difference between right and wrong. Wow. Anyone who has studied history knows how many wacko leaders have taken the reigns of power and wealth, only to use them for their own selfishly sadistic purposes. We had those kind of rulers then, and we have them scattered throughout the globe even today. You can probably name the mentally-maniacal men ruling and ruining lives as you read this sentence! Solomon, as a young man, wanted to judge and govern well and to do so with God’s wisdom and justice. God, give us leaders that want this today.

Prayer

Dad,
We still have rulers, kings and leaders in every part of the world. And some are responsible for populations as big or much bigger than Israel at the time of Solomon. I live in a country that used to be united as individual states, under a series of balanced power or cooperative leaders. Now, under our nation of Divided States of America, we have deep divisions and distrust with sweeping, reactive grasps of power. We have each cycle of elections and votes trying to wipe out the changes of the other regime. We all ache for justice for our own agendas. I see the end coming. Especially when the world looks for that one person who has all the answers. They search for the one who will give us what we want AND promise peace. Each time I’ve seen this cycle of chaos in our world, I understand the real possibility that THE antichrist (not an antichrist), the imposter of all time will come to power soon. When, where, who – I do not know. But all the signs start showing up again. My longing for the Kingdom of God grows in these turbulent times. Come quickly Jesus – maranatha!

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Rich memories of home.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. Through knowledge its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables.” Proverbs‬ ‭24‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Such an odd little proverb about building a house with wisdom, good sense and knowledge. Of course, the wisdom writers can’t be talking about buildings, even though it states the rooms are filled with riches. If Proverbs was a curriculum package for young men, I could see how this would begin to teach and sway them to seek wisdom to have happy homes and rooms filled with riches. Still, this isn’t a promise, it’s a principle.

Building a solid family does take wisdom. Using good or common sense does build character in the family members in the house. And, the most precious riches and valuables I have experienced in the “rooms,” are the incredible memories made there. Once you’ve moved out of your family home, especially the one you grew up in, most never get a chance to return and just re-live the memories that took place in each room. I have returned to my Aunt & Uncle’s home several times as an adult and every thing always seemed much smaller than I remember. That is a general rule in childhood, because we were once small ourselves and the world was SO big. The house was huge, the walk to school was long, the street and the block you lived on seemed like miles of sidewalk. We (our family) spent 25 years living in one house. That was long enough to go from birth to High School graduation or beyond for our older sons. Just driving the street and alleyway brings back lots of memories.

The wisdom writers could have been making a duel purpose statement when referring to riches. One, there are priceless riches in memories and each space filled with love. Plus, the actual benefit of being in a house, having a roof over your head and little worries about food or shelter. Our childhood memories, our origin stories are powerful enough to frame our attitudes and outlook on life for many years. A good childhood yields good memories and a healthy, positive sense of being able to replicate that when you become an adult. Contrarily, a tough childhood, filled with chaos and instability has quite the opposite effect on our outlook and perspective of adulthood especially when it comes to family.

Robin has wonderful memories of houses, homes and family growing up. Me, not so much. Many of my homes had trauma and uncertainty attached to them. Twice, my adopted mother had to pack up my sister and I to flee from dangerous husbands (one my adopted father, the other a wicked stepfather). Not so good on the ol’ memories of home.

I love the fact that Proverbs teaches young men and women about the value of godliness with character traits such as wisdom, knowledge and good sense. A good foundation doesn’t guarantee good results in building a home, but it gives some just as important- HOPE.

Prayer

Dad,
Not knowing any of these principles growing up, I think you did a good job of teaching me personally. It took a lot of work and I had a hard time catching up to anything considered to being normal or good. Even though I was ALWAYS on edge and fearful of doing the right thing, I was determined to trust you and do my very best at being obedient. Eternal thanks for your patience in teaching and mercy in times of failures.

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Raising a bad seed.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“It is painful to be the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel.” Proverbs‬ ‭17:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Parenting is NOT easy. In fact, with the amount of change, social awareness and TOO MUCH information, it’s harder than ever. Parenting is now a crowdsourcing experience. And, if you fall trap to the loud, crass, “experts”, you’re always be swimming in a pool of “I’m not enough” for my child. The comparison game is like the book series, “The Hunger Games.” It’s high stakes – the world is watching competition for the smartest, most charming and stylish child award. Maybe we were better parents when we were dumb and unaware?

Knowledge of child raising techniques has only increased stress and a horrible pretense of control. Parents aren’t supposed to control their children, they are supposed to love them, parent them, teach them and protect them.

The wisdom writers give us these axioms, these principles for parenting. And, there are a bunch of them scattered throughout Proverbs. One truth: It is extremely painful to raise a fool. Let me remind you of the Hebrew word used here: Nabal: foolish, senseless. Nabal is one of four words used in Proverbs. There is Keciyl (49x), silly, simple or dumb. Pethiy (15x), unaware, seducible. ‘Eviyl, (19x), perverse, bent. Then there is Nabal (3x), wicked, purposely vile. Nabal may, in fact, be best described in the movie, “The Bad Seed.” You may say, “its impossible to have an evil child.” Thinking about the whole nature vs nurture argument. Think what you want. The job of a parent is to guide their children away from their pre-disposed character issues towards right, good and wise. Isn’t that our job?

Every parent knows, or should know, babies come out of the womb with enormous behavioral and individual characteristic qualities. There is no child that like any other child! Here in this Proverb we have the worst case scenario, the child is a fool and the pain must be carried by their parents. Notably, the Dad, but we know both parents suffer immensely when this happens. This verse does not help us nor warn us how NOT to raise or help this rebellious child. It only recognizes the grief, the lack of joy in having a child turn out this way. And, this child is powerfully capable of bringing pain and sorrow to the entire family tree. A child growing into adulthood can being great joy and healthy pride, or they can bring great grief.

Also remember if Proverbs was a curriculum for young Jewish men, these principles and pearls of wisdom would be taught to the young as a warning about critical areas necessary for their growing and maturity, and give them a sense of responsibility to their God-given family name. The time to learn about obedience, consequences and boundaries are when the child is young and a parent can clearly see patterns that will either be helpful or hurtful to their development into youth, young adult and adulthood.

This is when children often think of us as the “bad parent,” killing our free-spirited joy of chaos, tantrums or bursts of anger. Ah, but we know how important it is to be a parent of a young child, not a friend or a nanny. We should not be afraid of their willful tears or swayed by their get-my-way tricks. Momma & Daddy don’t want to raise no fool!

Prayer

Dad,
I worried and wondered what kind of Father I would be, not having a good role model myself. I wondered what kind of Mother Robin would be. My hope was that Robin instinctively knew all about parenting. We both learned a lot having and raising the three amazing children, now grown adults. I credit Robin and Your grace for our grown children not turning out to be fools. And, I am so thankful for their character. Now, full circle, a couple of them are raising their own little miracles! Watching them love and train our Grandgirls is such a treat, such a joy. Thank you for allowing us to experience this true joy of parenting!

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Brain Ruts.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.” Proverbs‬ ‭21:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This one’s for me in the most unusual way. I am an over-sharer. I talk to much on a principle of connection and understanding those around me. Somewhere in there, I am trying to get and keep people connected. And, more than that, get people to know the real person underneath the shallow conversations we so often have. Sounds noble right? That’s the upside! The downside is I share the good and the shady. It’s the shady that drifts into gossip. I love input and interaction. I love a good dialog about deep things, hard questions and unsolvable mysteries. I promise it wears thin on my wife and adult children. I’m concerned that I’m developing the ruts so common in folks brains as they… (cough, cough) get older.

A rut is a well worn track that runs in the brain, an automatic neural response with words and ideas easily triggered by something we see or hear. I hear a friend talk about EV’s (electric vehicles) vs Oil/gas and my brain just starts lightning up, firing the well worn neutral path that looks like a bright-lit runway on a dark, moonless night. These ruts have deep memories and feel like a instant-ready playlist that auto starts and won’t stop until the last song is played. Plus, the conversational rut is happy to be running on auto, because our brains are the laziest organ in the human body.

As we age our brains are more than happy to set aside a few nodes and electrical bandwidth to keep us busy so it doesn’t overextend energy to learn NEW things. What does this have to do with this verse?

There is something incredibly addictive to enjoy connecting our rut-thoughts to our mouth! It’s like a powerful feedback loop. Our thoughts drift into these ruts, our mouth gladly picks up the ball and starts running a familiar script and we hear ourselves reinforcing those looped thoughts. Why do you think we tend to tell the same jokes as we age? Why do we “always” follow up with the same predictable responses? Ruts, Ruts, Ruts, that’s why.

Gossip and our wagging tongues are the worse use and example of these looped neural paths! I end up training my brain to hear juicy morsels of information about someone else and I store it in that precious “short-term” memory slot for quick access. Then, when I’m around friends, instead of listening to learn from or to encourage one another, my brain is listening for trigger words to allow me to jump to the remarkable recall of my playlist and start the track.

The wisdom of this proverb tells us to shut our mouths, effectively to stop the cycle and disrupt the process of starting the playlist. Having no verbal loop to make my rutted brain happy, it will finally release that rut, deleting the playlist. No, it’s not easy and no it does not happen quickly. But it does work. It is humorous that Proverbs says, “watch your tongue,” which is impossible while in a conversation, but we can bridle it – stopping it from prattling on and on.

Prayer

Dad,
Our mouths in direct connection to our thoughts is a wild combination! I know Proverbs says elsewhere that life and death is in the power of the tongue. And James describes it as the rudder of our life. It is so very powerful to build up but also tear down. Help me to keep my mouth healthy or help me keep my mouth shut.