Tag: suffering

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Delightful determination.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions. The wicked have set their traps for me, but I will not turn from your commandments. Your laws are my treasure; they are my heart’s delight. I am determined to keep your decrees to the very end.” Psalms‬ ‭119:109-112‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There seems to be a tremendous side benefit to suffering, and I don’t like it one bit. A suffering heart is a tender heart and one that should draw near to God. You get this sense all through the Psalms when David and other writers lay out their troubles.

In his youth, David was constantly being pursued, hiding, running for his life. Yet, while he is in great anguish and notably the worst part of his existence- he was close to God. The most eloquent and beautiful words of deep love and commitment come out of him. And, not only are we, the readers, the benefactors, we also can develop a way of life similar.

The poignant question is, “Do we have to suffer to experience this closeness to God?” David’s dramatic phrases of his “life hanging in the balance” and the “wicked setting traps” for him are the life-season backdrop to his life as a younger man. But we all know what happens as David ages and gets all the luxuries and accoutrements of being a king! And, it’s in that season of his life, that commandments are broken and his heart’s determinations and affections are set on something else, someone with stunning beauty.

Which makes me ask another question, “Do we lose closeness to God when we are not suffering?” When there is no one is hunting us. There are no threats, no crushing circumstances of life. Do we delightfully determine God then? The seasons that we have much, or certainly more, are exactly the life stages that should be examined more closely!

Yet, I feel no desire whatsoever to put myself into states of suffering. Was this part of the reason monks and nuns would beat their own bodies (Self-flagellation) trying to force a physical, thus emotional suffering? They saw this a a spiritual discipline, calling it a “mortification of the flesh.” I see that as ridiculous. One thing about this Psalm is clear, David could never imagine a moment where he would “stop obeying” God’s instructions. Yet, we know he did. I would love to live a life that vigorously pursues God even as I age, even as I “get more” or have more.

Prayer

Dad,
Wow. It seems to me that we, as humans, are such a strange paradox. We are so simple in one sense, and deeply complicated in another. We’re simple in terms of our sin, our failures, like dogs returning to their vomit. We’re even predictable in that! In the other, we have and live with a duplicitous heart. One that longs, aches for a deep relationship with you. The other a horrible, unquenchable desire for our own will, our own way. When we’re young we are filled with vim and vigor. When we’re old we’re filled with memories and reflections. My desire is similar to David’s in his youth, to keep your decrees until death.

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Lessons to learn from David’s singular truth

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done.”Psalms‬ ‭38:17-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​Wow. This entire Psalm of David is so raw and honest. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he must have had Covid… j/k. Who can compare to David’s songs and prayers of repentance? The entire psalm is filled with a mixture of physical, emotional and spiritual pain he is experiencing. As I read it, I feel as though he’s not going to make it, he’s describing the end of his life.

This psalm blows my mind because, in the middle of this physical calamity David 100% attributes the cause to God being angry, himself being guilty as charged and ridding himself of his sins. There is not one ounce of any possibility that he has caught something natural or the result of “general” sin or sickness being a part of our fallen world, Nor does he attribute it to an attack from a very real entity of evil! He completely receives it as FROM God and goes directly to God to admit, repent and wait for judgment to pass. “My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins.”

He is NOT expecting to be let off the hook, but asks for the patience go through, and to wait for God to come and relieve his pain. “For I am waiting for you, O Lord. You must answer for me, O Lord my God.” And, “Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.”

I can honestly say, I have never thought about this kind of raw, direct, straight to the point prayer when I have been at my sickest or lowest moments in life. He doesn’t blame a virus, bacteria, infection, a devil or even God himself. He just flat out starts repenting and recognizing his own unworthiness. I am humbled by this and it makes me think about my own mortality, and times of fever, aches or misery. Once again, I am thankful for the lesson and model from David’s own life and the words he left behind for me to reflect on.

PRAYER:

​Dad,
Wow, what a glimpse into a world that I am not comfortable in at all. I know very few who are at the point of extreme pain and solid resolve acceptance of who is really in charge of life itself.

I am normally talking people out of such honest thoughts and prayers when they speak of their own responsibility and repentance for sin! I will not be so foolish to do so again. Mostly, because I realize how little I actually know of such things! How could falsely relieve the tension by pretending that I know of someone’s circumstances? I will also think through my own response to sickness, pain and suffering. I am thankful for David’s honest and pure words.