Tag: sorrow

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Seasons just make sense.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

”For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

By chapter three of Solomon’s “life experiment,” we begin to see some real insight and the wisdom of God begin to kick back into place. The general idea of chapter three is so obvious, but because of our human brain, it is also painfully and often ignored!

The heading: A Time for Everything.

It’s like our lives often feel like they are left in a spin cycle of teenage angst. We forget that nothing we experience here in life lasts forever. Sure, Murphy and his odd law of continued failure and doom may be the exception, Edward A. Murphy Jr. said, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” History, however, proves that impossible. Things do go wrong, but things also go right plenty of times. But even Murphy, as an American aerospace engineer, would agree, those calamities led to new creative possibilities.

Solomon walks us through the highs and lows of being human. He calls them seasons. If you live in normal parts of the United States, you get four distinct seasons. California only two seasons, summer and not summer. Our lives come with their own God-given seasons each year. Just reading the seasons listed here in chapter three makes me feel more normal. When a teen goes through their first love, followed by their first heartbreak, it’s painful wisdom to let them know that life is not over when that person breaks up with them. In terms of these seasons, these life episodes, they don’t last forever.

Grief, pain and extended suffering tend to last the longest, but even these do not triumph over the human spirit and will to rise up even in the midst of dark situations and surroundings. The sun will set today but will return tomorrow morning. What I love about chapter three is one of Solomon’s most powerful thoughts. It needs to be life-long meme – ”Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end,”(Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬).

Even in the seasonal downturns, if we really think about it, can be beautiful in their own way. Did you know that even our tears are different under various emotional states? Emotional or “psychic” tears have more protein-based hormones. Yet, even the molecular structure of emotional tears are different. Tears of joy look different from tears of sadness! The body doesn’t lie.

God is the one who not only brings comfort in tumultuous times, He can bring an odd, even euphoric PEACE. It might not make sense, but it’s very real. I have spoken with folks who have lived a very hard, very tragic life, yet never show it in their words or behaviors. I feel sorry for them, yet they encourage me. I guarantee you, they are not faking these calm, sturdy, hope-filled moments. God has gifted them with a delightful presence of peace that surpasses our comprehension. It’s an encouragement to remember – in God’s economy, His Kingdom here, yet coming, He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Prayer

​Dad,
Now that I have taken a few trips around the sun, experiencing the lowest of lows in chaos, loss and grief as well as the highest of highs in love, gain and wonder, I completely agree with Solomon’s perspective. You become more extravagantly beautiful through the lens of joys and sorrows. And through all of the seasons of life thus far, I am humbly grateful to live seeing the fulfillment of every promise you’ve made. Great is your faithfulness! Amen.

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Don’t pour iodine in an open wound of the soul.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.” Proverbs‬ ‭25‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What is it about making everyone feel good or constantly being positive? The wisdom writers pitch a counterintuitive idea. How about NOT cheering someone up?

When I am down or processing difficult, even unpleasant situations happening in my own life, it’s not that I WANT to be negative or depressed. I’m not a masochist when it comes to suffering. However, I am trying to unravel, decode or possibly solve the reasons behind the heaviness, grief or big emotions. And when I am working hard to sift through the whole situation, whether it’s about me or not, the last thing I want is some fluffy, quick, trite, pick-me-up to instantly try to snap me back to feels-good. And, yes, it makes it worse when someone gives me, in that moment, a Bible verse about how I should feel. A Philippians or a “count it all joy,” comment is not helpful.

I know, I know, I know, people are just being kind and I absolutely have friends who live on the amazing promises of God that got them through the darkest moments of their life. I don’t want to be rude and brush them or their comments off. I just want people to try to understand the difference between being a friend who just sits in a really crummy moment with me and someone just trying quippy up because of the uncomfortableness of grief, pain or sorrow. Those emotions are very real and very necessary at times.

Jobs’ friends in 2:11-13 did something very right, “they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” Job was devastated by what happened to him and his kids and his friends, at this point, behaved bravely stellar!

Proverbs isn’t against cheering someone up or dispensing hope at appropriate times, it’s just asking folks to read the situation before saying something that would bring more pain. When grief or suffering can be like a warm coat in the cold of night, a friend comes along, singing a Mary Poppins tune and steals the one thing they need to bare the moment – a heavy heart. This is similar to another Proverb (27:14) about loudly greeting a neighbor in the morning. It’s just bad timing! So what is appropriate? Silence. A permission side-hug. A commiserating look of sadness. Even the simple words of consolation, “I am so sorry.” Maybe a quick prayer of God’s peace, his Shalom over them, would be nice. The last thing I want to do to a friend or have done to me is have Mercurochrome poured into an open wound of the soul.

Prayer

Dad,
It’s nice to know that grief, suffering or just awful traumatic experiences are just a normal part of life on this planet. I want people to be thoughtful to me and I to them when it comes to being vulnerable enough to share in these weighty moments. I am sure folks are well-meaning in their quick-fixes. I just don’t want to miss or mistake these moments for a light way to politely avoid awkwardness. Love can be awkward right? Thank you for your peace and comfort and our ability to enter into someone else’s pain to sit and join them for awhile.