“But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “God is great!” But as for me, I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God. You are my helper and my savior; O Lord, do not delay.” Psalms 70:4-5 NLT
I often wonder who is looking for God, personally seeking him out. I imagine that most are looking for some answers, rest, peace, especially hope. Even in those suffering moments that folks would look outside themselves and be open to the fact that God is watching over them and in that they’ll find a promise. They will find God when they look for him.
Well before I came to Christ at fifteen, I had a sense that someone was watching out for me, watching over me. It wasn’t in a creepy stalking way, but a gentle parental oversight. Even at a young age I had some really frightening moments and felt something trying to help me, I just didn’t understand him or know how to talk to him or ask for help. I know people think that comes natural to a child, but it didn’t with me. I was never really taught about God or even a general sense that he’s out there. And for sure that sense of God was never modeled in our home. That’s kinda of odd when I think about it because it was my adopted mother who dressed me up and sent me off to a church just down the street when I was probably seven or eight years old. I heard some amazing Bible stories, but never made an association that the Jesus in the Bible could also be in my home. It’s hard to understand because by the time I was a teenager, my older sister and my mom were taking me to church every week! I was attending a church and still could not make sense of this general or for sure this personal God idea. I just thought church people were just that, churchy people. I just went along with my Mom because one, I had too and two, it made her happy.
But at a moment before my life could have turned badly, God found me. I saw a genuineness in the youth my age and it made me curious and I wanted what they had, not really knowing exactly what it was. By the Holy Spirit, God touched a nerve, a soft spot, a loss or ache I had but didn’t know how really deep my pain went. So at fifteen I had a moment to reflect on my life, what had happened to me as well as who I was becoming. I was lost and without anyone to help guide me. When the voice offered me hope I immediately knew who it was. Strange huh? I had never interacted with him before, but then this clear voice was coming through, “if you give me your life, I will be your Dad.” I felt very unworthy, very exposed at that moment. I replied back, “I am nobody and I don’t have anything to offer you.” I felt worthless because of my family history and the really horrible things I had done in the few short teenage years of my life. The voice just spoke the offer again, “give me your life and I will be your Dad.” I broke and said “yes.” I cried a pile of snot and tears and watched a mini-series in my mind of just how awful I had been. I felt a real sense of guilt for my decisions, my behaviors and said I was sorry for all the things I had done. I had been searching for God, but I was not really aware of it. He came and found me just in time and offered me a deal that I couldn’t pass up. After two dads that had failed me and a really crummy dad that would soon come into my mother’s life, I was looking forward to God fathering me. And he has. He kept his promise and I still call him Dad.
PRAYER:
Dad,
Where would I be without you? What would I be if you had not rescued me? I am forever grateful that you had mercy on me and offered me a life, not just a great life here, but an absolutely amazing life with you forever! Thank you.