Good Guilt

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Fools make fun of guilt, but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.” Proverbs‬ ‭14‬:‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is a tricky one to translate no matter what version of the Bible you use. The Hebrew words and phrases are deeply embedded in cultural and have nuanced ways of using words in context. Not to get too deep in Hebrew here, because I am a complete novice at this. However, many of the tools to study the Bible are super useful.

There are a few fascinating words used in this text. One is the word, translated in NLT as guilt is the word, asham: offense, guilt. Strong’s concordance straight out translates this as the word “sin,” because it is often used in that way.

Keeping that in mind, the other word is translated as fools but the actual Hebrew word is evil: אֱוִיל. Hold on. That’s not our word evil, it’s a Hebrew word meaning a fool. There are four different words for the word fool in Proverbs and this one is used 19 times. It means to be perverse; (fig.) silly. This person (perverse fool) mocks or scorns guilt, offense or sin, believing it to be useless.

Do you know anyone who has convinced themselves they should not feel guilty for anything because they declare any sense of wrong to be a false moral construct. They believe guilt or sin is a made up, social restraint! This ancient text, the Bible, God’s wisdom, disagrees and WARNS the fool about it. But the upright do not mock guilt they see it as the Hebrew word “ratson,” or “favorable and accept it.” I love the fact that the New Living Translation translates “ratson” into the phrase, “seek reconciliation,” as this idea of favorable acceptance.

We are in a cultural crisis of passive/aggressive behavioral patterns in our relationships and work hard to completely AVOID any perceived confrontation or conflict. This is whether we caused it or were the recipient of it! We are all avoiding reconciliation! We’ve allowed many of our relationships, deep or shallow to become soured and embittered, littered with blame and ghosting.

We are, in fact, playing the Biblical fool by ignoring wisdom’s life giving advice. Wisdom tells me to embrace the offense or guilt, favorably accepting it because, for one, it’s shredding our ability to form and keep healthy relationships. Have I offended or hurt someone? I should own it and say I’M SORRY, and ask for forgiveness. Has someone offended or hurt me? I should see it as an opportunity to value the friendship enough to tell them it hurt! That is still a form of favorably accepting their offense and seeking reconciliation. The aim is to repair, not ignore, to love, not run away.

Love demands that we promptly and maturely handle each other as Christ handles us! God’s wisdom works every time. I need to quit playing the fool, whether it’s my hurtful words towards someone or my bruised ego because of what others said. I want to be godly, to reconcile and restore those relationships I value so much.

Prayer

Dad,
Your Word is truly a lamp for my feet and a light on the path to wisdom and life itself. I am so thankful that you cut through the nonsense of my thinking to confront the brutal facts, the radical candor of how life works. You have designed this life to be experienced in all beauty and wonder and yet I still attempt to manipulate the rules to suit myself. I am humbled by Proverbs and hope to fulfill its intent to make me wise and not play the fool.

Advice to the arrogant.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.” Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I have come across Proverbs that are clear, but I can’t stand them. I didn’t want to face the facts of this radical candor saying.

Confession: I only want to hear or take advice from folks who know MORE than I do or those who have MORE experience than myself, in the advice they are giving.

Proverbs nails my hollow heart issue as I type this – that is soooo arrogant. I understand I shouldn’t be taking advice from proverbial fools. But I have this emotionally triggered response when someone tells me how to do my job or run my life when I don’t think they are doing so well themselves! Doesn’t that just reek with pride? I mean, it causes a full on physical reaction in me. It’s ridiculous.

I believe the wisdom writers are pointing out the fact that pride is the numero uno reason for many conflicts. But in this case, the conflict is INSIDE of me! Why in the world can I NOT listen and look for wisdom from conversations with just about anyone? Why do I get all judgey? The truth of this proverb picks at some origin story wound that I just can’t seem to remember. Why do I get defensive? Why does it ruin my day? And, more importantly, what can I do about it? It’s a recurring theme that I am so tired of struggling with.

Through a process of humility and listening to the Holy Spirit, I want help in deconstructing some childhood defense that is no longer necessary nor helpful. Isn’t this is so apropos that God’s word would get in cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow, exposing my innermost thoughts and desires? (Hebrews 4:12). Cut away God, do your work in me!

Prayer

Dad,
This proverb hurts. It hurts because it pinpoints a blindspot, a wound, an irritation that I just can’t seem to see clearly, and allow healing to take place in my heart. Now that your word has pierced me, what do I do now? I’m confessing my arrogance and asking for help here. Show me, lead me and be patient as I take the time to figure why this is a reoccurring issue and time to work it out with your Holy Spirit. Thank you in advance for the upcoming outpatient surgery I am sure to be experiencing soon!

Ancient radical candor.

Reading Time: 3 minutes
“An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is principled wisdom that is supposed to help, not hurt. Yet, this rarely goes as planned. In my experience, both in being rebuked and wounded as well as being the rebuked and wound-er, it’s not as easy or smooth as it sounds.

This idea of fierce conversations (Susan Scott) or radical candor (Kim Scott) has been buzzing around business leadership conversations for 20 years. Both authors, which are not related, swear it’s not “front stabbing.” Why is it that business, can handle hard talk better? Is it because of money or paid personnel? Shouldn’t Christ followers be better at this?

The wisdom writers in teaching the young the ways of how the world really works (or should), tackled this eons ago. The Hebrew word here for rebuke is tôwkêchâh. It means to bring correction by reasoning, to lead to the truth. It’s an open argument verses some kind of backstabbing, behind-ones-back, relational triangulation to convince someone of a glaring blindspot. Relational triangulation is when we are too weak and afraid to have a one-on-one with a person, so we pull in another “friend” hoping that the person I am concerned about will eventually hear feedback through someone more brave than myself. It’s just gossip, disguised as love. Although there are courses and books about self awareness, we are rarely good at.

Proverbs says this open, corrective conversation is BETTER than hidden or concealed love. You know, like that crush you had in the third grade and everyone knew about it, but you didn’t have the guts to come out and admit it! It sounds like Proverbs is trying to get some things out in the open rather than socially or Minnesota-nicely trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. Then the wisdom writers compare and contrast this whole radical openness to wounds and kisses… well that’s just painful. Has a friend every accidentally poked you in the eye? Pushed you out of a tree? Tripped you in public? Oh, it hurts terribly. Seething anger swells up and you just want to punch your friend in the face. Ah, but then it’s over and you laugh about at the next 10 year reunion. Has an enemy ever hugged you or Judas-kissed you on the cheek and made your body shiver and blood run cold? Yep, you never forget that moment and certainly don’t laugh about it later. The proverb actually uses the phrase, deceitful kisses. Many modern translations just use the word “multiple.” Friends who truly love eventually find a way to tell you the truth.

When love has been proven, tested and verified, this is the only kind of friend you WANT to speak into your life. You give and get that kind of permission with those rare and cherished friendships. Maybe you don’t have those kinds of friends. Or maybe you don’t even have that ONE kind of friend. You need to. And, for those you really love, you also need to be that kind of friend. Proverbs is right, both correction and cuts are BETTER from a true friend.

Prayer

Dad,
It seems to me that the Holy Spirit has always been fierce and radical in corrections – at least with me. Oh, it’s always been gentle, but it was also quick and truthful. I would think this would be so good and healthy to have these open conversations with one another, in the body of Christ, the family of God. But I am so often defensive and reactive to this kind of feedback. You know I’ve been on the receiving end of it from friends and mentors. And, as expected, I pouted and complained about it for days or weeks. I can blame my childhood and lack of good discipline or boundaries growing up, but none of that is helpful as an adult. I need to receive and believe these rebukes especially from those I trust and know they have my best in mind. Thank you for continuing to help me grow and mature to a point that I can see and embrace these fierce moments. Amen.