Tag: Proverbs

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Wisdom doesn’t celebrate April fools.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding.” Proverbs‬ ‭8:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Ok, today’s proverb is too perfect for the calendar! It’s April Fool’s Day. A day that used to be filled with jokes, puns, tricks and stunts you’d play on your teacher, co-worker, boss, family or friend. It should just be called “prank” day but apparently on tiktok or IG that’s everyday.

Proverbs is filled with this word fool. And, basically there are only four different Hebrew words used. In this one verse, two of them are used – kesil & pthiy. These two would be the most used words for fool and they are both the more innocent words, describing folks who are slow or simple.

Don’t misread these as critical for those born with special needs or some kind of diminished mental capacity or delays in learning. That is NOT what proverbs is about.

These fools are fools by behavior, choice, regular consistent lifestyle decisions that leaves them vulnerable by lack of learning. The fact that wisdom is BEGGING them to see, hear and make changes, reinforces the idea that they are this way because of sin, or selfish stubbornness.

The wisdom writers have wisdom personified, calling out to the “kesil” stupid, dullard, fool. And says to use good judgment. This is the word, prudence. It is interesting because this specific Hebrew word is a normally a negative word, but here it is to be used and applied POSITIVELY for the one who ALWAYS seems to be taken advantage of. There are to learn and apply some shrewdness or craftiness. Think about this. Sometimes the simple are always being mistreated unfairly because they’ve never learned the art of reading other people’s motives. They become victims of a continuous cycle because they’ve got this emotional target on their back that says “kick me.” Wisdom says, take off the sign and start paying attention to being ripped off! Quit “believing in others” to the point of sacrificing your own self worth and self respect. Get some shrewdness, LEARN to find your voice and stand up for yourself.

To the “pthiy” fool. The simple, perhaps open-minded, (when used negatively the root word, pathah, means open – like an airhead). Wisdom has some different advice, she says show some understanding – the word “bin”: to discern. For these folks who are silly (i.e. seducible) and may love playing the clown or enjoying the momentary attention that this “act” may bring. Wisdom calls out their nonsense and gives stern warning that this lifestyle is filled with heartache and they will continue to be the beneficiary of bad “luck”. It’s not bad luck, it’s just sad to see them live down to the worst of what others see and never apply themselves to change. This again is someone who constantly leans on an apparent ease of apathy, of no concerns for anything serious or consequences of inaction. Their perception of themselves and the world around them is a perpetual lie! Wisdom’s advice, start filling your head with something of substance, like knowledge or passion, or God’s word. Quit living life with a helium-filled brain!

If these two words describe you in anyway – you CAN CHANGE. Do not believe the lie that life will never get any better or that you can never be anything different. If you know a “fool,” love them, but be straight with them. Call them up to better. See their potential and constantly remind them of a future that is good. Offer help and feedback to get them unstuck and moving forward.

Have fun with the day of pranks, but please don’t play the fool.

PRAYER:

Dad,
I am so thankful for your wisdom. You are an amazing father to the fatherless and you do such a good job training us in wisdom, discernment and discipline.

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Real men are not fools.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“While I was at the window of my house, looking through the curtain, I saw some naive young men, and one in particular who lacked common sense.” Proverbs‬ ‭7:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Wisdom, personified as someone looking out of the window of their house, sees young men. I don’t know what kind of neighborhood wisdom lived in but wow, she could look out and see some solicitation happening right across the street!

She sees young men and specifically the one who lacked common sense. What she saw was one of the four words the wisdom writers use for “fool.” Did you know there were four Hebrew words for fool? 1. Keciyl- stupid or silly, 2. Pethiy- seducible or simple, 3. Eviyl- perverse, and 4. Nabal- wicked (for more – bit.ly/biblefool).

Here the word “naive” in other translations is “simple” and yep, you guessed it, the seducible kind. I totally believe that wisdom looks out and sees this in some young men.

However, I’ve seen a lot of “simple” men (not just young) in my life. I used to think these were men who had horrible-to-none father figures, but some had/have great Dads and they just want to be knuckleheads.

I look out my own window and see plenty! I see young men race through neighborhoods, not caring about young children darting out in the street. I hear young men “sharing” their over-driven, expensive, testosterone fueled stereos leaving car alarms blaring and windows shaking. I see really expensive cars, all customized and tricked out with all the bling that could have gone into a ring for their girl. I see prison tats and angry death-glares as they swagger down our street scoping out a score or peeing spray paint to tag a neighbors wall. I hear f-bombs dropped as they talk to their woman and illegitimate children in tow. Oh, I see and hear a lot of vibrato, but I do not see men or maturity. I see fools.

I drive though my city and see young boys, preschoolers walking with their moms. They are as cute and as innocent as can be. I pray they don’t grow up to be fools, but I also know about the vicious cycles of a macho culture that will leave them with few choices to follow wisdom.

My heart breaks. I, like wisdom herself, want to call out and beg them not to be seduced by all the evils of this world, all the easy opportunities to just grow up mirroring what they saw in their own estranged father.

These stories of the simple do not turn out well. The wisdom writers, speaking of the temptress, say, “Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death.” Honestly, sex isn’t the only seduction – power is just as tempting. And young men who figure out “to be feared, is to be powerful,” mistake the real purpose of power. Real men, wise, mature men, know that real power is to protect the weak, not intimidate them. And real men know that sex is not love. Sex is given, received and experienced in a lifetime bond of commitment and sacrifice to one woman; and to make kids that grow up secure, protected, and wise to love God & others.

PRAYER:

Dad,
I would never have figured out how to be a man if you had not found me and rescued me from a cycle of chaos. You pulled me out of generations of some good-hearted but weak, simple men trying to be fathers in my life. Of course, Ben, dad #3, wasn’t kind at all he was a Nabal kind of fool – wicked and conniving to his core. Thank you for wisdom. Thank you for discipline of character. Thank you for being a great Dad!

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Co-Signing a loan is super risky!

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“My child, if you have put up security for a friend’s debt or agreed to guarantee the debt of a stranger— if you have trapped yourself by your agreement and are caught by what you said— follow my advice and save yourself, for you have placed yourself at your friend’s mercy. Now swallow your pride; go and beg to have your name erased. Don’t put it off; do it now! Don’t rest until you do. Save yourself like a gazelle escaping from a hunter, like a bird fleeing from a net.” Proverbs‬ ‭6:1-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This proverb falls under an NLT heading of “Lessons for Daily Life.”

I should have paid better attention to this advise from ancient wisdom writers. If you ever wondered how some advice given back in ancient times could possibly guide someone today just keep reading.

I had read this proverb as a youth. There was a problem then. I was broke and could not see myself EVER being in a position of loaning someone money or having a credit rating that would or could guarantee someone else’s loan. And, I didn’t understand this concept of co-signing a loan back then, but I sure do now.

Fact, if you ever co-sign on a loan, you better just be ready to see it as a gift! I’ve done this a few times in my lifetime. One for a young friend and the others for our children. The co-signing on a child’s loan is up to you. One of our child’s was a school loan and we (Robin and I) would have gladly payed it if we could afford it. So, we took on the risk and that loan will be paid off in a couple of months. Whew.

The other one was a rollercoaster ride of stress and could have been a complete financial disaster that my friends could have never foreseen. That co-signed loan went sideways. It grew in size because it was delayed in payment twice. In other words, if the student is still in school or has financial difficulties making the monthly payment after graduation or asks for extensions, the loan payment is paused but keeps accruing interest. This loan ballooned to twice the amount originally borrowed! And, as a co-signer, I was equally on the hook for it. It also deeply effected our credit score (you know the one I didn’t have or care about when I was younger). At one point I had to manage both co-signs in regards to our credit score! Let’s just say it was super stressful and I was praying for my friend to regularly make his payments.

NOTE: Not knowing the consequences did not save me from almost ruining our financial future. And, that’s the point of this proverb really. The warning(s) seems so silly, so far-fetched, futuristic, so old man/Dad-advise when you’re young.

This is one area I beg people to listen to! The phrase, “if you trapped yourself” haunted me for many years because of the one co-signed moment. It was so easy to sign the paperwork. It was so easy to want my friend to get into the school, get a great education and be a hero in his life. None of those feelings were there when we almost could qualify for a home loan!

God was merciful to us and our friend. He was eventually able to make the payments on time and eventually paid off the loan! I was so thrilled, so relieved and so proud of him – all at the same time. Would I do it again? Absolutely not!

People still co-sign for friends thinking they are helping them get the degree, get the car, get the house. I can’t believe it! This proverb is still true, and often it’s still ignored with horrible consequences. I know how hard it is to say “no” as well. The person is so sincere and can prove their need for the loan. They can’t figure out why someone won’t let them “borrow” your credit, your reputation and your future to pay if that loan defaults! And, trust me, it may not be for the amount loaned at the time. It may be double or triple that amount because of delays or missed payments in the life of the loan. If you aren’t in a position to outright GIVE someone the money, DO NOT co-sign for them.

Have you co-signed a friend’s loan? How did it turn out?

PRAYER:

Dad,
Your grace and mercy in this area has been so generous. It turned out well, but I would not have done it if I had known the true cost of co-signing! Thank you for the lessons from proverbs.

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Proverbial warning labels

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved.” Proverbs‬ ‭5:8-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​Doors are an interesting way of illustrating wisdom’s point. My feeling on this, once we’ve opened a door, be it out of curiosity, peer pressure or even escape, I don’t believe we have the power to ever close it.

When I was a young-er (cough, cough) pastor I imagined standing in the middle of a round room full of doors. Each door had a label. Each one seemed have a invitation that just begged me to open it. Maybe it was a sexual door or a drug experience door an alcohol or gambling door. Maybe even an abusive relationship door.

These are doors that I’m sure my parents opened because I experienced a childhood where I watched them struggle with various addictions and emotional attachments that I knew were not healthy. But I also had my own set of doors. And, as I wrote, once opened I’ve not figured out how to ever close them.

What about deliverance from sin you ask, or freedom and redemption? Yes, absolutely. However, I don’t think the door ever fully closes – remember I’m the one who opened it. There are doors my family of origin may have opened “for” me, exposing me to things that should never be seen or experienced as a child.

Let’s take gambling for example. My family had a history of gambling. They would call it “social” gambling, even “gaming” and had “calculated” losses. I had my little experience with the “one-arm-bandit” (slot machine). It was fun and exciting, colorful and intriguing sounds, plunk, boing, ching ching ching. My nickel was gone and I didn’t win. It was fun, but I had no desire to do it again. As I got older I would feel the pull of those feelings of risk and reward, the sights and sounds of machines and people having fun sitting around a table with fast moving cards or dice. Knowing that door had even slightly been opened, I made a decision as a teenager. I would not be a gambler, not a social one or a gaming one or even a simple little lottery ticket player. Why? Because I saw the damage it caused in my family and I didn’t want that kind of life in my own future. IF I were to gamble now, I’m pretty sure I’d be hooked and sucked in.

BTW, same goes for drinking alcohol if you’d like to know the truth.

This door of immorality that the wisdom writers warned of – it is very real. It’s also ridiculously spun as fun and free in our sex-saturated-society.

WARNING: Don’t open this door wisdom says, don’t go near they cry OR – YOU WILL LOSE! Proverbs writes the consequences of those who opened it and can’t ever shut it. “Strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. You will say, “How I hated discipline! If only I had not ignored all the warnings! Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors? I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.”

These proverbial warning labels are no joke and the very real life consequences are devastating. See those doors around you? The ones that say, “just try me,” “just take a peek,” “what’s one time gonna hurt.” DO NOT OPEN THEM.

You’ve been warned.

PRAYER:

Dad,
You know the doors I’ve opened and you know the doors that, thankfully, I’ve stayed away from. I absolutely love your mercy, patience and forgiveness I’ve experienced from those doors I have opened or the ones my family opened and shoved me in for a peek. I really want to put a bunch of caution tape around the ones that have devastated my family as a kid. I want to warn others about experiencing or experimenting with these awful and alluring sins. Help us O’Lord. Help us men and women, fathers and mothers. We need your wisdom and grace.

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Meme for your heart : Guard it or you’ll crash

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We live in such a “quippy” world. Back in the 70’s & 80’s it was all about bumper stickers, fridge magnets and cross-stitched plaques otherwise known as ancient memes. Now, short, punchy, even purposely vulgar pics, sayings and gifs are ubiquitous across social media, hanging on earth-toned, organic, reclaimed barn wood or pallets in our homes or printed on T-Shirts, hats and even derrières! I don’t know if Solomon or his wisdom crew had sayings hanging in the palace schoolhouse or sewn into their draperies at home.

Let’s just say that, as humans, we’ve always wanted quick, shortcut style sayings to help us memorize and hopefully internalize complicated ideas.

GUARD a heart? He’s not talking cholesterol here. Attitude determines altitude! So whether Edwin Louis Cole, Zig Ziegler or John Maxwell said it, it’s true. Proverbs says, my heart determines my course! No one wants to go on a hike in the forest with a broken compass, no one wants to sails the seas with a faulty sexton. We want our guiding instruments to be in good working order and TRUE! For us, it’s our heart.

So how do I guard my heart from anger, frustration, bitterness, comparing, jealousy, stress, guilt, depression or a whole slew of emotions that are negative? I don’t want those emotions determining my course or my relationships! I can’t advise on what your heart triggered solutions might be, but for me these have been helpful.

One, name it to tame it. I have to force myself to identify what I’m feeling, this isn’t easy. I get lost in the emotion then the blame of someone or something that made me feel so _ fill in the blank. I have to say it first to myself, then to God in real, psalm-like prayer (honest and unguarded). Then, just so I don’t spew verbal acid and emotional toxicity on my wife and close friends, I often need to tell them as well.

Two, I need to find or get into a physical space where it’s quiet and I can slow down to think.

Or three, contrarily, be with our Garvin circus troop filled with chaotic noises of children crying, squealing and the beautiful sounds of conversation and laughter with our adult children. Our FULL house means cacophony of kids, dogs and the making, eating or cleaning up of a meal. It’s weird, but it works! Maybe it overwhelms my senses and temporarily puts brain into shock, thus distracting the fact that my heart was being attacked by runaway emotions.

I’m in this current phase of trying to MINIMIZE the emotional fallout of an unguarded heart. It used to take days to get control of and turn my attitude around. I’m working on getting down to hours.

What are your methods of guarding your heart?

PRAYER:

Dad,
Just knowing that you KNOW me and are aware of my situations and my weaknesses are really helpful. Also, finally being honest and telling you how I feel. Even telling you about the misperceived actions of others. I know that you are my greatest source of peace and my trusted perception adjuster. I feel safe and loved when I spend time reading and reflecting on your Word and listening to the gentle voice of your Spirit.

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A Father’s job description

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you.”                Proverbs‬ ‭4:4-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​After hearing Tim Keller say that Proverbs was probably written as curriculum for a Hebrew boys school, it’s hard to get that picture out of my head. I read this chapter as a possibly a guest Dad coming in and talking to the class. He writes, “For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.” It wasn’t Solomon himself because Bathsheba had other sons.

Still, when a passage boldly opens with, “my father taught me,” I have a sense of loss. As I’ve written tons of times, if you have/had a great Dad, be thankful – be very thankful. If, like me, that word is a sore spot, then I encourage you to do everything in your power to BE a great Dad. I have certainly tried to do that with my three children, and now with their S.O. as well. Now I’m focusing on being an amazing Granddad!

These passages are really the number one job of a Dad – to lead, guide and give WISDOM for their children. Things like character, discipline, patience, delayed gratification, decision-making, self differentiation, self awareness, frugality and generosity are key areas that come from parents and are actually learned very early in a child’s life. Parenting starts with high control and allows children to make more decisions on their own as they grow. A friend of mine told me that freedom was his kid’s reward for making those good decisions. Good decisions mean a lot more freedom by the time they’ve reached 15-18 yrs old. That means a lot of “do-overs” and discussions around poor decisions because it will give them the practice they need for building their own life.

I know guys who are 30, 40, even 50 who still do poorly at managing their own life, thus do poorly leading their families. BTW, even great Dads aren’t perfect. Children find that out as they get older.

This whole idea of getting wisdom at an early age means that their foundation and their launch-pad of life is solid. And, best of all… getting wisdom is a personification of having a solid relationship with God. There is some discussion and controversy surrounding the idea that wisdom is either Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I’ll let you research that on your own. The word “Spirit” in Hebrew is feminine (Hebrew (רוּחַ, rūaḥ), neuter in Greek (πνεῦμα, pneûma). And wisdom is feminine as well ( חָכְמָה, chokmah).

PRAYER:

Dad,
I could not do anything about when, where or who I was born to, and had zero control over what happened to me or around me as a child. However, once you got my attention at fifteen, the decisions to be and live differently from my family of origin story was up to me! It took (still takes) a lot to fight inertia to make change happen. I have to continually struggle with a self-limiting attitude in my head that says, “I’m lucky to have made it this far!” I will push and even fail if necessary to not let my past define my future. You are my future! You have redeemed me and set aside a purpose for my life. I want to be and attain ALL that you have designed for me and not wimp out on any part of it. YOU are my audience of one!

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Re-framing the neighbor wars

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Don’t plot harm against your neighbor, for those who live nearby trust you. Don’t pick a fight without reason, when no one has done you harm.”
‭‭                                                                                            Proverbs‬ ‭3:29-30‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Proverbs has quite a bit of neighbor references when it comes to teaching wisdom. I could easily get all philosophical about how caring for your neighbor builds good communities. Or, if you are good to them, they’ll be good to you. And, I am positive that the whole concept of “neighbor” has changed over several millennia. From tents sitting on acres and acres of land, to homesteads on the plains, hills and valleys. To the “five-foot” setback of neighbors or even shared walls.

We, in the non-rural setting, are really close to each other. If someone in the house next door sneezes we can say, “God bless you,” and they’ll hear ya.

For me this idea of “neighbor” comes down to the Shema+ that Jesus created and told us, as believers, to focus on. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” AND, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Combining Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18. Rabbi’s had the authority to pull passages from the law, not only to interpret them but also to teach people about God. Jesus quoted the most famous of all and most beloved of all verses that was part of the Shema which starts with Deut. 6:4, “Hear O Israel.” The Shema was constantly quoted all day long. It would bring an orthodox Jew to a centering point of pure joy and peace, often bringing tears to their eyes. We don’t have anything so powerful in passage form in our culture today. Maybe something like America’s Pledge of Allegiance, but that is no longer held with such high honor 😥.

Then in Luke 10:27, Jesus ADDS to the script. He chooses this obscure thought out of Leviticus (which means ויקרא He (God) called) to love your neighbor as well. Proverbs makes a big deal out of neighboring because, in its lessons about wisdom, the writers point to the overall theme of the entire Bible, LOVE GOD, LOVE PEOPLE.

As a believer, it is unthinkable to hate, harm or fight with a neighbor because it goes against God’s plan for humanity. God is wooing my neighbor, how can I help by starting fence wars with them?

Oh, we’ve had some doosies for neighbors, but these Proverb’s verses always bring me back to my motive and intent. BTW, our backyard neighbors are apparently moving, along with their constantly yappy dogs they ignore (feel that negative vibe). I hesitantly pray that God brings some folks for me to practice (love) on! There was an old TV show in the sixties that had an bright, but obnoxious little boy named, “Dennis” in it. The show title said it all, “Dennis the menace.” Poor grouchy old Mr. George Wilson (Joseph Kearns) was the Mitchells’ neighbor. Mr. Wilson is the perfect anti-character, antagonist that helps remind me to be a better neighbor. Who was your favorite “neighbor” from TV shows?

PRAYER:

​Dad,
You know, oh boy do you know how much I love my peace and quiet in my neighborhood.

You know how much I HATE fireworks going off constantly. You know how much I HATE loud, booming bass music blasting out of open windowed cars and the drivers think they are sharing their favorite tunes. You know how much I HATE modified-mufflered vehicles that rev up their ego setting off car alarms as they proudly cruise through the neighborhood.

Am I venting too much?

But you know I need your help to reframe all of those incidents to pray for the noise-offenders and let you supernaturally work in their hearts. Help me to bless them and not curse them. Of course, I would love for you to send some angels to wet their fuses, blow their speakers or head gaskets, but I won’t tell you how to do your job.

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Rules or principles of fairness and equity

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:27-28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This wisdom nugget isn’t just applicable to neighbors. This principle should be applied in all areas of leadership, business and especially when it comes to pastoring and leading a church. I purposely use the word “principle” which is a guideline for making decisions when leading people.

Oftentimes folks want a RULE. I get it, rules are certainly more solid, you know, “black or white,” clear and undeniable – right? Well, not so fast. Here’s my beef with rules. They appear to be simple and clear, but I promise they are not. For every rule created there are dozens of “loopholes” to get around it, actually nullifying the point of the rule in the first place. Let me just write one word here: LAWYERS. What do you they do? Find and take advantage of loopholes. Ok, but that’s just one problem with hard and factual rules. Here’s second one: rule management. The person, group or contract has to manage a mess of infractions for the rule-breakers. If you break a rule, there is a consequence for not obeying it. Someone has to dole out the punishment, er, consequence. And it has to be done quickly and fairly. There’s nothing worse than two people breaking the same rule, but one gets a pass, the other gets caught and has to pay up. And, because God MADE us creative, we’ve got thousands of ways around some rule that some sets up. Each one of those loops has to be caught, addressed and updated. It’s a endless cycle of systems to manage WRONGDOING. I hear you. Yes, there are rules or laws that must be stated and adhered to, I’m not advocating for anarchy. However, many times people run to rule-making, but they don’t want to live a life of rule-managing. I am so happy that God originally only gave humanity 10 rules/laws. Can I tell you that some very smart people called the Jews have even come up with ingenious ways to get around God’s big ten. They cranked up 613 laws to “explain” how to keep the original 10. That’s a 6030% increase!

Wow, that was a serious off-topic trail! Back to not withholding good from those who deserve it. The reason I sidetracked on rules and laws is that it tries to treat everyone “fair,” or equitable (so trendy right now). Fair? Equitable? Do we even understand how complicatedly difficult it is to do that to scale?

Proverbs frees us from this insanity of fairness and gives us the gift of spontaneous generosity. If and when it’s in your power to do good… guess what? Do it! And if it is not in your power or it over complicates the organization or the person receiving the good… guess again. DON’T do it. One of your kids may get a cookie, the other may not! Mind blown.

Andy Stanley has a quote I’ve been trying to live out in my leadership, “do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.” I know that wild statement will get a lot of blowback, but which is better or worse? Creating a rule-based system that goes in a policy and procedure book and has to be added to, changed constantly and managed OR some principles that guide me to making good decisions?

How will you lead? How will you take the advise of Solomon’s wisdom writers, which really is God inspired humans giving out God’s wisdom as well as his character and behaviors. The principle here is simple: when you can, do good to those who deserve it and do it immediately.

PRAYER:

Dad,
All I know is that I want to think and behave like you in as many situations as I can. You’re generous to help, I want to be generous to help. It’s that simple.