Tag: Proverbs

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Brain Ruts.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.” Proverbs‬ ‭21:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This one’s for me in the most unusual way. I am an over-sharer. I talk to much on a principle of connection and understanding those around me. Somewhere in there, I am trying to get and keep people connected. And, more than that, get people to know the real person underneath the shallow conversations we so often have. Sounds noble right? That’s the upside! The downside is I share the good and the shady. It’s the shady that drifts into gossip. I love input and interaction. I love a good dialog about deep things, hard questions and unsolvable mysteries. I promise it wears thin on my wife and adult children. I’m concerned that I’m developing the ruts so common in folks brains as they… (cough, cough) get older.

A rut is a well worn track that runs in the brain, an automatic neural response with words and ideas easily triggered by something we see or hear. I hear a friend talk about EV’s (electric vehicles) vs Oil/gas and my brain just starts lightning up, firing the well worn neutral path that looks like a bright-lit runway on a dark, moonless night. These ruts have deep memories and feel like a instant-ready playlist that auto starts and won’t stop until the last song is played. Plus, the conversational rut is happy to be running on auto, because our brains are the laziest organ in the human body.

As we age our brains are more than happy to set aside a few nodes and electrical bandwidth to keep us busy so it doesn’t overextend energy to learn NEW things. What does this have to do with this verse?

There is something incredibly addictive to enjoy connecting our rut-thoughts to our mouth! It’s like a powerful feedback loop. Our thoughts drift into these ruts, our mouth gladly picks up the ball and starts running a familiar script and we hear ourselves reinforcing those looped thoughts. Why do you think we tend to tell the same jokes as we age? Why do we “always” follow up with the same predictable responses? Ruts, Ruts, Ruts, that’s why.

Gossip and our wagging tongues are the worse use and example of these looped neural paths! I end up training my brain to hear juicy morsels of information about someone else and I store it in that precious “short-term” memory slot for quick access. Then, when I’m around friends, instead of listening to learn from or to encourage one another, my brain is listening for trigger words to allow me to jump to the remarkable recall of my playlist and start the track.

The wisdom of this proverb tells us to shut our mouths, effectively to stop the cycle and disrupt the process of starting the playlist. Having no verbal loop to make my rutted brain happy, it will finally release that rut, deleting the playlist. No, it’s not easy and no it does not happen quickly. But it does work. It is humorous that Proverbs says, “watch your tongue,” which is impossible while in a conversation, but we can bridle it – stopping it from prattling on and on.

Prayer

Dad,
Our mouths in direct connection to our thoughts is a wild combination! I know Proverbs says elsewhere that life and death is in the power of the tongue. And James describes it as the rudder of our life. It is so very powerful to build up but also tear down. Help me to keep my mouth healthy or help me keep my mouth shut.

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SA – Spiritual Awareness

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.” Proverbs‬ ‭21:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I don’t know if you follow this trend idea but emotional intelligence and self awareness are HUGE buzz words in leadership and engagement with teams. Emotional intelligence is the ability to “read the room.” That room may one person you said something offensive or insensitive to and didn’t even know it. That room may be filled with coworkers and you’ve told some old distasteful joke and everyone gets quiet, but you don’t notice. Self awareness is taking a read on your own words and behaviors. Both phrases have the ability to check yourself when you’ve gone verbally rabid. IF, you have a decent EQ score.

This wisdom proverb catches a layer of humanity that goes further, deeper into our soul. How many of us can be Spiritually intelligent or aware? Can we improve and get better at such things? I believe that followers of Jesus, who are soaked in the Spirit of God, can and will work on listening to the voice of God!

And do so not just to check ourselves but check the spiritual situational awareness around us as well. We MAY be correct in our perspective and rights, but to tap into what God is doing goes far beyond our own will and desires. There are so many Bible verses about how we humans look at each other. We judge by what we see. Of course, when it comes to others “seeing” us we want to be judged our past, our story, our reasons for what we said or did. However, in every interaction of relationship there’s a third party perspective- God himself. What does God see, what does God want? God always looks into and examines our hearts.

God looked into Cain’s heart, the firstborn son of Adam and Eve and saw his outward appearance, “Why do you look so dejected?” the Lord asked Cain. But God simultaneously looked into his heart and openly addressed it with Cain. God said, “Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Genesis‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬. Who better to peer into the mysterious areas of our own thoughts, feelings and attitudes but God? Of course our actions and behaviors are important and matter, both good and evil. But God sees the motivations behind our behaviors.

For me, Spiritual Awareness always starts with myself before I ever venture out to poke around in other people’s hearts. I always tell our family about situational awareness, knowing who and what is happening around them at all times while in public places. I need to balance that by also talking about our spiritual awareness of not just ourselves but also those around us.

Prayer

Dad,
As believers, I think we all need to increase our spiritual awareness. Not just to take a read on ourselves but also to read the room where others may be hurting. Can you help us remember that your always watching and always working?

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Radical honesty and fierce conversations.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery.” Proverbs‬ ‭28:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Nope, not true today. ESV says, “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.” I know this is in the Bible, and it’s in the “wisdom” genre of the scriptures, but I have not found this to be true.

Oh, I have friends that have openly, honestly and even lovingly corrected me – I HATED it. I stewed and spewed for days, maybe months afterwards. Yet, after stubbornly accommodating their advise, only to try to prove them wrong mind you, I found their critique to be true.

I had a dear friend, some 15 years older than me, tell me two things that really bothered me. He said, “you stand with your feet too close together! Open up your stance, be more relaxed.” And, “You don’t smile enough. You have a great smile, but never lead with it.” I was AGHAST! How dare he. How personal. What does he know? All these flash thoughts about what he said kept cycling incessantly in my mind. So, I tried making the changes. Yeah, it was awkward at first. How often do you think about your feet or face and how they are “correctly” positioned – like, never for me.

I worked on the thinking “smiley” thoughts and purposely, methodically forced a smile before walking into a room or when meeting new people. One time, this radically honest friend of mine and I were meeting with a wealthy, well-connected client of ours and I had made some progress towards the feet-n-face area. When we walked in and met this person’s assistant I kept my feet more relaxed and tried out my not-to-forced smile. After meeting with our client and saying are goodbyes the assistant we greeted when coming in decided to spontaneously give me a compliment, “You have a great smile,” they said, “it made me smile today as well.”

I thought for sure that my friend had put them up to it and gave him a bad time the whole drive back to the office. He said, “I had nothing to do with it!” And, since he was right there when the compliment was made he simply said, “I told you.”

I have tried so hard to replicate that honest but sometimes personal feedback with friends that I really care about. I see these “blind spot” qualities that they either can’t or don’t want to see and after building some trust, I give them a little helpful feedback. Wow, you’d think I split on their mother’s grave. Almost 100% of the time, it doesn’t go well. And, most of them continue to reverse the whole thing to get me back by mockingly repeat what I said to them. BTW, it always sounds worse when it comes back through their perspective!

So, what am I supposed to do – stop? I hold it in for so long, often thinking, “if you just listen and see what others see,” they’ll find that someone (at least me and their life-mate) are trying to help them! At one point, our entire office tried to work this in as a cultural process – radical honesty. Yeah, you guessed it, miserable fail. It just became this mean-fest and looked like we’d be heading towards HR lawsuits.

What do you think? Is this verse true? Have you tried it? Or, have you been on the receiving end of this? Did it go well or not?

Prayer

Dad,
I’m getting the hint that folks don’t want this Proverb in their life. I get it. It hurt at first when I experienced it too. But, after leaning into the process, I realized I can’t see my own shortcomings – even when they are not healthy or detrimental to my growth and maturity. Should I just stop trying to be that loving friend and practicing these fierce conversations? Any help would be appreciated.

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Beer Brawlers.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” Proverbs‬ ‭20:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Honestly, I choose NIV because of their witty play on words. The Hebrew words are interesting. The word for wine isn’t unique it’s just yayin: wine. Ah, but shekar: intoxicating drink, strong drink is different and the word shakar is to be drunk. You can be “shakar” on wine or strong drink.

I believe Noah (Genesis 9:21) is the first guy to be written up for being drunk and the first thing he does is strip naked and lay around in his tent! After what Noah had been through, I can’t blame him for IMMEDIATELY planting a vineyard, patiently waiting for the grapes to ripen and quickly making booze so he could get drunk fast. I’m not saying it was right, but I get it.

History is filled with fermented fruits, then later barley. Then even later, the stronger, aged process of liquor came along. Wine and beer, apparently, have been around for a very long time. The Bible makes a clear distinction between “drinking” and “drunkenness.” One is permitted, the other is just wrong!

The wisdom writers catch a perspective that most drinkers and non-drinkers seem to miss. Anything to do with excessive alcohol or similarly controlled substances that impair judgment and directly leads to unintended consequences should be seen as dangerous and is not worth the momentary relief, levity or fun it proposes!

Proverbs personifies wine and beer as mockers and brawlers (hamah: to murmur, growl, roar, be boisterous) and tells us THEY can LEAD us astray. Like a pair of permanently invisible handcuffs, these excesses carry their victims away and pave a path of addiction, shame-cycles, broken relationships and possibly worse when driving a murder-weapon down the street.

The evidence is clear, one too many means YOU are not in control any longer. I’ve seen this hundreds of times in my family of origin. We had the wine, beer and whiskey drinkers. And although my wine-bibbing kin faired better, because of their restraint, my beer and hard liquor crew were constantly cursing, fighting, bleeding and bashing into other vehicles while driving. I knew one thing when my family gathered – if booze showed up, there was going to be a regrettable, never forgettable brawl! It was enough that slurred speech or boozy-breath can trigger a PTSD response in me.

The Apostle Paul gives the believer an alternative high. I know folks don’t want to look at it this way, but he says “don’t get drunk on booze, get high on the Spirit of God!” (Eph 5:18). Paul even proceeds those words with this, “don’t be foolish.” You want to drink away your sorrows or shoot up to disconnect with the harsh reality and stress – drink in, get “soaked” in the Spirit, shoot up or snort the presence of the living God by the power of the Holy Spirit! Get yourself before your Holy God and let His peace comfort and hold you. Don’t give in, don’t give up – get into God’s presence. Everything else is just a fake and dangerous substitute playing on your pain.

Prayer

Dad,
I’m sure that we often feel like Noah, overwhelmed with the circumstances or even consequences of our life. But we are so desperate for you and it shows up in such lousy ways. We feel trapped, surrounded and see no other way out, so we REACH for the drink, pill, puff or needle. Help us to reach for you! And when we do, please meet us, save us from ourselves and our selfishness. Amen.

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Someone’s gotta do it.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs‬ ‭19:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Discipline your kid!

Discipline- yasar: to discipline, chasten, admonish. While there is a thread – tiqvah: cord of waiting – qavah: wait.

It is translated as “hope.” Interesting that the Aramaic word for discipline is to “bind.” The Hebrew language is a language of imagery and built around words that illicit emotion and deep stories of the past. These words are like that. In dealing with sons, we would say children because it’s applicable, there is a stern parental instruction given.

Bind your kid now in the hope, the “cord of waiting,” that it will save their life! Sure discipline sounds better, even harsh chastening sounds better than tying your kid up until they learn to behave.

Here’s the point, someone’s gotta do it!

Most children will not discipline themselves! I say most because I have come across the rare and extraordinary child that has a social perception and sense of self awareness at a very young age to behave pretty much on their own. I WAS NOT that child.

Either a good, loving parent teaches, models, and corrects bad behavior or attitudes or someone later will do it for them. That will likely be a future police or parole officer.

Some parents have it very hard when faced with a little bully or bad seed, but it’s still their job to help their own child, protecting them from their own poor decisions in the future. The discipline, the hard conversations, and natural consequences done at age appropriate moments may slow or stop their self-driven demise.

All my parents, my adopted mom and three different dads tried their best to teach, even discipline me. But too often they had their own demons and lacked self discipline for themselves. All five of my parents had childhood struggles or like the prodigal son, ran off to live their own version of “freedom.” So, I wasn’t exactly given the gift of discipline and I would have ruined my own life if it weren’t for Jesus rescuing me. For our own children, I credit the well balanced serving of discipline to Robin. Her parents gave her the best kind of loving discipline- solid boundaries until she was old enough to make decisions for herself. FYI, keeping Robin from bowling alleys and movies did not ruin her life!

Prayer

Dad,
It was tough learning some kind of discipline at fifteen instead of five. And since I hated team sports, I didn’t even get the chance to be coached. So I took longer to catch on and my life shows the discipline-deficiencies even today. Yet, I am thankful you got a hold of me when you did. It looked like it would have gone bad much faster as I went through my angsty teens. Thank you for that. And thank you for “binding” me with a cord of waiting while you worked on me!

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Passion vs planning.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” Proverbs‬ ‭19:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I would think that passion makes the world go around. However, without a deep understanding of a problem, the history of its journey and the people involved, change will not take place. The new phrase is “change comes at the speed of trust,” but relationships, good feels and passion won’t give a solution or an idea enough traction for the long-haul known as deep change.

Passion does inspire. Passion, or enthusiasm (Greek: in God, filled with God) gives hope and lifts the soul to perk up and see a preferred future. But, without a plan, or knowledge as the wisdom writers put it, I find no path, no roadmap of where all the excitement is supposed to lead.

I Imagine a track star shooting off the starting block to race towards the finish line only to find there is no finish line, no track, no path. Instead she just runs in competitive fashion, filled with heightened adrenaline-fueled passion with no direction at all! The track, the route, the path and most importantly, the finish line IS the well marked plan, with a photo-finish ending. With no knowledge, no plan, it just results in wandering and possibly getting lost.

The Hebrew word for enthusiasm here is nephesh: a feminine noun. Meaning a soul, living being, life, self, person, desire, passion, appetite, or emotion. And the Hebrew word for mistakes is chata: to miss, go wrong, sin.

Prayer

Dad,
I would like both please! Knowledge and passion. I love the energy of passion that drives the clarity of knowledge or a plan. I want both because I need both. I would also love it if you could throw in wisdom, which James says I lack because I don’t ask. I am asking for wisdom as well. These are the things necessary for me to lead. Not just my life, but those you have called me to shepherd to, to care for and love. Help me get them where you want us to go and to be who you want us to be along the way. Thank you in advance.

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Life long learners and old wisdom.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.” Proverbs‬ ‭18:15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Old wisdom is still good wisdom. Wisdom writers captured a truth that made its way into modern leadership principles even today. Smart people are CURIOUS. Leaders are curious. And curious people do not behave brash and have a hubris oder about them. No, they are learners. Smart people are lifetime learners.

Proverbs identify learning as “open ears.” We now know that we can open all our senses to learn new things. So we not only listen with curiosity, we can also see, smell, taste and touch. Stopping to see a beautiful sunset, to smell the roses, to taste a new cultural food vastly different than our favorites, and to touch a worldly-wise, weathered hand of our super seniors.

Smart people are eager, joyful, even giddy to experience new things. And, I believe that as long as we hold a curiosity and pursuit of being learners, it has a way of sifting, processing all that new knowledge into wisdom.

No one wants to simply be a Snapple Cap to impress their friends. Pithy quips and useless facts can get so tiring! Believe me, I’ve tried it, it doesn’t win friends.

Prayer

Dad,
Thankfully I’ve been the curious one since my earliest memories. Taking things apart and just hoping I could remember how to put them back together 🥴. That natural bent has help me be adventurous and kind of an explorer in most areas. You know this about me, I love new tech and new ideas and have a tremendous amount of respect for inventors and dreamers, even if they fail. I’ve always want to invent stuff! I am also thankful that I love and serve a creative God! That’s probably what frustrates me about the Church the most. We have total access to the Holy Spirit and we keep dragging along, often a decade or more behind the times and it just sucks the life out of a LIVING community called the church. I don’t want us to be cool, trendy or really even relevant. I just want us to reflect you in everything you do. You can do something new every second of every day for all eternity and NEVER run out of creative ideas. I just us to live that kind of life – full and ever curious for good, godly ways.

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Don’t burn the bridge, repair it!

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.” Proverbs‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We’ve lost trust and forgotten how to forgive.

Friendships are fragile in the beginning. They take time to build. And they take effort to get past the surface, shallow conversations. Great friendships spend very little time talking about the weather or the scoreboard stats of their favorite team, they are able to dive in deep and discuss things that matter. In great friendships there is a comfort of confession, shared secrets and honesty of our own failures. After some time, there is this thing called trust.

Trust means, they know enough to destroy you if they wanted to – ah but they don’t. And not just because you have an equal amount of dirt on them! Friendships that go through the conflicts, headaches and tunnels of chaos are the ones that endure to see the beauty of walking through life with people who would do anything for you and you for them.

The wisdom writers nail this truth about friendship. It REQUIRES forgiveness. There is absolutely no way that one or more of your friends won’t let you down, disappoint or even betray you! It is naive to think otherwise.

I love this truth LOVE PROSPERS when you forgive. Yeah, maybe it takes a little time to hop back into the trust saddle, but eventually that’s the goal – rebuild trust and make that bridge even stronger. Folks have been burning so many friendship bridges that they find themselves abandoned and isolated on their own bitter island! Look around. If all you see is burned out bridges with your new hermit lifestyle, you’re not living in heaven on earth, you’re living in hell. I’ve heard so many stories of how easy it is to declare the mafia mantra, “you are dead to me,” to deep, longtime friendships and even more so with family.

Proverbs and wisdom declares those decisions as FOOLISH. To continue to do so means you are just playing the fool. Man up, woman up – forgive! Even as Christ has forgiven you.

One other thing, obsessing over the fault, the betrayal, the misunderstood gestures is a sure way to not just separate you from a formerly good friend. It’s the fastest and most effective way to open your life, heart and soul to the deceiver who will come and fill that festering wound with poisoned pus. Your choice, your move.

Prayer

Dad,
I am so glad I don’t carry grudges or faults too long. I have so many amazing friendships that truly have saved and surrounded my life with your grace. Maybe it is just my personality fluke that helps me not harbour, dwell or obsess over wrongs done to me. Sometimes I like to think, “this person doesn’t even know me well enough TO hurt me.” Why should I carry that offense? I don’t even know them well enough to dislike them back 😇. I want to live my life giving second to seventh chances. Not only being quick to forgive, but redirecting those painful triggers to invest in people even more. Sure, it’s risky. But I know what a risk and wreck I was when you offered me that rescue rope of hope.

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Lizard brain conversations.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.” Proverbs‬ ‭16:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Several axioms pop into my head when I read these passages about WORDS.

One: “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Two: “Better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” Three, incorrectly attributed to St. Francis Assisi: “Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.” The Franciscans are hopping mad about that wonky phrase being stuck to their founder. The closest quote Francis wrote is, “All the Friars… should preach by their deeds.”

These wisdom words out of Proverbs seem to be positive about speaking words. Words shape people’s thoughts! The cousin to this proverb is “The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive,” Proverbs‬ ‭16:21‬, adding the word “pleasant.” The Hebrew word is metheq: sweetness. And in verse 23, the key word is sakal: consider. Both verses, in Hebrew, are for the purpose of learning. These wise, sweet, considerate words are good for folks who want to learn. Their minds and hearts are open and ready to receive, like eager students who love understanding new concepts in school.

You know what’s sad? Humans are oftentimes to impatient to learn. Do you know what kind of words get quicker results, in terms of action? You guessed it – angry words! Accusations, angry, hateful words move MOBS! Crowds love angry words. No thought, no learning, no homework necessary. Just throw out the vile, trashy rap and it triggers the ol’ amygdala, the “lizard” brain.

Oh man, God’s ways are NOT our ways, His thoughts are NOT our thoughts – wisdom uses a different methodology. You notice how much of our country is filled with angry words and not sweet, persuasive words? Yeah, because we’ve stopped listening, stopped learning. And the results are clear, we’re just behaving like a bunch of raw emotional, darwinian neanderthals looking for a war!

Wisdom itself is a slower path, definitely one less traveled. Followers of Jesus must, must, must believe and behave differently! We must continue to use sweet, considerate words – wisdom words to persuade. Here’s the prefect contrarian picture out of the gospels. The crowd is screaming crucify and Jesus is saying, Father forgive them. Which words sound like wisdom?

Prayer

Dad,
Ouch, those proverbs sting a little. I have a lot of angry thoughts and want to let them fly out of my mouth! Your word challenges me to not only think through my words but choose them carefully to teach and persuade rather than just rile up a crowd and send them off, moshing into the world. I am so thankful for the tools of wisdom to help navigate our angry world.

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Plan once, plan twice.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
Proverbs‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Plans, plans, plans – we all make them, we all have to live with them. I know people that “plan” their “free time,” days off, vacations, daily meals, and even sex! I have friends that are not just planners, they are OBSESSIVE planners. It gives them a certain amount of safety and control.

This wisdom chapter alone drops the word plan three times. And, if you throw in the word path, in a couple of verses, that’s five. We CAN plan… but God determines, God gives, directs the way things turn out.

I like to think of it as walking down a path, and with each footstep I lift my foot deciding where it lands, or maybe even when it lands. I’ve already picked my destination and the path chosen to get there. My feet just follow my will and desires to get to where I want to go. However, just before my foot hits the earth, God may alter its trajectory. Maybe it’s slight, almost unnoticeable, but when I arrive at what I thought was the destination I wanted, it’s different! How did I get here, I ask?

God ultimately gets us where we should go. And, ultimately it’s good. I love the verses paired with this one, “Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ or “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NLT‬. Plans show up all through Proverbs because it is wise to do so. However, not all plans are good and not all desires, wishes and dreams should come true. It is good that God determines those steps before they land. The Apostle Paul had a great piece of advice in 1 Corinthians 16:9, “There is a wide-open door for a great work here, although many oppose me.” See the opportunities. Make plans to go for it and carpe temporis! Just know that God, who knows what’s good and best will get you where you need to be.

Prayer

Dad,
I have had MANY plans, ideas and inspirations about where my life should go and what I want out out of it. Yet, through every step of the way you have not only been faithful, you have been extraordinarily gracious and gone beyond my wildest godly aspirations and pursuits. This Proverb, this wisdom nugget got me through the most difficult part of adulting, trying to figure out how to do life with no real roadmap. Yes, I followed my heart. Yes, I prayed. Yes, I got STUCK in indecision far to often for far too long. But every time I look back, I see your hand that directed, determined my steps and they were good. You are good. I am so very grateful for your guidance and patience in my life.