Tag: Parenting

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Common sense got cancelled.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace. They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble. You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭21‬-‭26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And, uncommon sense (foolishness) is now king. Oh, I’m not worried about the fact that only a tiny minority believe and try to live out this rejection of all authority and replace it with anarchy and whatever seems right or feels good at the time. My concern is that all the major influencers in our society (TV, streaming, socials, podcasts and news driven by advertisers) are pumping out lies suggesting that these self-driven “free” expressions are now the cultural norms.

Proverbs gives us this “sound” wisdom and judgment or discernment as THE keys to a good life. This Hebrew word, tushiyyah (wisdom), is a “successful” abiding wisdom. A life represented by jewels (financially sound), safety, deep sleep with happy REMS and the absence of constant fear. Sounds peaceful right?

Yet the anti-principled life, lacking common sense and clear thinking would also be true. Uncommon senses leads to a bad life, filled with trinkety costume jewelry (debt), fear, insomnia and constant anxiety that something terrible is about to happen. Yeah, anti-wisdom (foolishness) breeds depression and restlessness!

Proverbs being a book of principles means that these are the scenarios we get to choose; wisdom or foolishness. I’ll tell you what is NOT taught in public schools, especially to the young – wisdom and basic good principles for life. Of course education used to be based on a completely different moral foundation, the Bible. Now, the moral underlying platform is authenticity of SELF.

Young men and women need wisdom more than ever before. I believe they crave it, look for it and would love to see it modeled in their parents. Sadly, many parents are still trying to find themselves and have little time or interest in guiding their own children. The prevalent parenting advice is to let the children guide themselves. Why would parents project their own beliefs, morals or behaviors onto their children’s little self-defined souls? Doesn’t that sound like uncommon sense? Parents are SUPPOSED to guide their children! Proverb’s principles tells us that wisdom, seen in common sense and discernment, will lead to a good life for a child!

Prayer

Dad,
You and I both know my parents tried to do right, tried to be good parents. But all five of them just couldn’t pull it off. Long before I knew you, I had a creepy sense that if I found a way to live OPPOSITE of my own parents decisions, there might be a chance that I would make it. I thought that as a kid! What child should have to seek a good model that is opposite of their parents? I love my moms and dads (well not psycho Ben), but I know I would not have survived without you. My heart aches for children having to raise and parent themselves in this culture of “freedom” and self-authenticity. They need you! Help us Oh God! Pour our your Spirit and save us and our children!

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Raising a bad seed.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“It is painful to be the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel.” Proverbs‬ ‭17:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Parenting is NOT easy. In fact, with the amount of change, social awareness and TOO MUCH information, it’s harder than ever. Parenting is now a crowdsourcing experience. And, if you fall trap to the loud, crass, “experts”, you’re always be swimming in a pool of “I’m not enough” for my child. The comparison game is like the book series, “The Hunger Games.” It’s high stakes – the world is watching competition for the smartest, most charming and stylish child award. Maybe we were better parents when we were dumb and unaware?

Knowledge of child raising techniques has only increased stress and a horrible pretense of control. Parents aren’t supposed to control their children, they are supposed to love them, parent them, teach them and protect them.

The wisdom writers give us these axioms, these principles for parenting. And, there are a bunch of them scattered throughout Proverbs. One truth: It is extremely painful to raise a fool. Let me remind you of the Hebrew word used here: Nabal: foolish, senseless. Nabal is one of four words used in Proverbs. There is Keciyl (49x), silly, simple or dumb. Pethiy (15x), unaware, seducible. ‘Eviyl, (19x), perverse, bent. Then there is Nabal (3x), wicked, purposely vile. Nabal may, in fact, be best described in the movie, “The Bad Seed.” You may say, “its impossible to have an evil child.” Thinking about the whole nature vs nurture argument. Think what you want. The job of a parent is to guide their children away from their pre-disposed character issues towards right, good and wise. Isn’t that our job?

Every parent knows, or should know, babies come out of the womb with enormous behavioral and individual characteristic qualities. There is no child that like any other child! Here in this Proverb we have the worst case scenario, the child is a fool and the pain must be carried by their parents. Notably, the Dad, but we know both parents suffer immensely when this happens. This verse does not help us nor warn us how NOT to raise or help this rebellious child. It only recognizes the grief, the lack of joy in having a child turn out this way. And, this child is powerfully capable of bringing pain and sorrow to the entire family tree. A child growing into adulthood can being great joy and healthy pride, or they can bring great grief.

Also remember if Proverbs was a curriculum for young Jewish men, these principles and pearls of wisdom would be taught to the young as a warning about critical areas necessary for their growing and maturity, and give them a sense of responsibility to their God-given family name. The time to learn about obedience, consequences and boundaries are when the child is young and a parent can clearly see patterns that will either be helpful or hurtful to their development into youth, young adult and adulthood.

This is when children often think of us as the “bad parent,” killing our free-spirited joy of chaos, tantrums or bursts of anger. Ah, but we know how important it is to be a parent of a young child, not a friend or a nanny. We should not be afraid of their willful tears or swayed by their get-my-way tricks. Momma & Daddy don’t want to raise no fool!

Prayer

Dad,
I worried and wondered what kind of Father I would be, not having a good role model myself. I wondered what kind of Mother Robin would be. My hope was that Robin instinctively knew all about parenting. We both learned a lot having and raising the three amazing children, now grown adults. I credit Robin and Your grace for our grown children not turning out to be fools. And, I am so thankful for their character. Now, full circle, a couple of them are raising their own little miracles! Watching them love and train our Grandgirls is such a treat, such a joy. Thank you for allowing us to experience this true joy of parenting!

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What a parental conundrum!

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“His parents didn’t know what to think. “Son,” his mother said to him, “why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere.” “But why did you need to search?” he asked. “Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they didn’t understand what he meant. Then he returned to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. And his mother stored all these things in her heart. Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭2:48-52‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I have read this story through the eyes of a parent and I was FURIOUS. If you’ve ever had an independent, strong headed wanderer in your family then you know how Joseph and Mary must have felt. Yeah, there’s the whole, where was Jesus? with the whole, “traveling with family,” so they were concerned that they didn’t see him for a few days – a few days! I get that. It bugs me that Jesus didn’t TELL someone, “hey, I’m going to check out what’s happening at the temple.” Am I even allowed to be bothered by Jesus taking on such “young adult” qualities at twelve? I don’t think he had even celebrated his Bar mitzvah yet!

We had a young wanderer in our family, it was Matthew for us. If he got bored, or saw something interesting in a store or just felt free to meander – boom, he was gone! It was kind of mystical/magical in our family. One second he’s standing there or eating with us at the table and the next second, POOF, he’s disappeared. Anyone seen Matt? Did anyone see where he went? Nope.

However, the line Jesus gives to his parents is equally annoying and challenging – “Didn’t you know?” By twelve years old, parents have figured out most of the tricks, quirks and idiosyncrasies of their kids. Jesus must have had a hard genetic pull towards his origin story! And, his parents were probably aware, but not quite sure what to do about it. How can they help foster Jesus relationship with his bio-dad? Wow, that’s a tough one!

At twelve years old, Jesus is pretty much telling the rents, “I got this from here,” in terms his understanding of God and who he was, his real identity so to speak. I’m sure he wasn’t all prepared for the world, and his entire future, but he knew enough to let his parents know they didn’t have to worry about explaining his birth story 😉.

But here’s the lesson as Jesus speaks as the Word of God, there are times, there are situation, there are moments that supersede all the norms of culture, and regular behaviors. Those moments as Jesus AMAZED all the professional religious men with his understanding and his QUESTIONS.

Truth: He, we, must be about our Father’s business! Yes, there is life in all its wonder, it’s highs and lows. But running on a higher, parallel plane is God’s ways, His Kingdom and it’s not only MORE real, it’s by far more true and certainly eternal. For Jesus, it all made sense in the temple, what Jesus calls his Father’s house. When people gather in a place that is set aside for worship, prayer and the reading/hearing of God’s word, there will be a unified sense of God’s presence and purpose. Where the sum becomes far greater than the parts.

PRAYER:

Dad,
Even at twelve, I am so amazed at Jesus’ wisdom and his understanding of who you are and probably understanding his mission while here on earth. It really boggles my brain! Yet, I see such encouragement of not only gathering together and finding purpose as an individual but in the context of community it makes so much sense. That I, that we must be about your business. We live in this life but our real existence goes far beyond and into your Kingdom. Help me, help us always remember that as we go about our day.