Tag: Pain

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Missional detour to talk divorce.

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea east of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Matthew, being a disciple of Christ, and the “disciple of detail,” captures and compares the moments of Jesus’ mission and contrasts that with our incessant need to preserve our loopholes.

We all have our heart detours to get around the principles and the will of God. What do I mean? Matthew clearly tells us that Jesus was busy fulfilling his purpose and mission from God. Jesus stated before, he was here for the sick – and were not talking purely physical illness. “Large crowds followed!” Why? Because humanity has a lot of needs – we suffer! And, Jesus being Jesus, He healed them. On mission – exhausting work, but WORTH IT! The very next scene appears to be in direct conflict with Jesus’ mission. But maybe it’s not?

Religious leaders also show up, but they don’t show up needy or appear to be suffering. They are sick as well, but don’t know it. They come with tests, traps and spiritual controversies. They have obviously thought through their questions carefully, choosing the ones that would catch Jesus conflicting or twisting God’s own rules.

The Pharisees bring up an interesting question, one that is both very old, yet very current even today! DIVORCE. Oh, the learned, crafty men don’t ask about the pain and suffering of divorce. They don’t ask about the division of families or leaving women destitute after the marriage ends. They don’t even talk about the deep shame of relational failure – when one or both men and women have to live with or hide away in their souls. They want to know if it is permissible, if it’s acceptable to get around or get away with breaking one of God’s earliest relationship rules. That’s why Jesus made a quick joke about the question. “Oh, you haven’t read the scriptures,” Jesus says, trying not to smirk a wry smile. Oh, they knew the one Jesus was referring to. The Genesis 2:24 reference, the “leave and cleave” idea, often still used in many marriage ceremonies. The whole idea of marriage between a man and a woman is this idea of becoming one! They are united, together, a beautiful blending of wills and ways in body and soul. One can imagine the pain and suffering after tearing a whole and unified person apart. Physically, it would be excruciating and it would be a miracle if both halves survived. It is as dangerous and rare as separating conjoined twins! However, that’s not what the Pharisee’s were asking. And that’s not what they wanted Jesus to talk about. No, they were more interested in Moses’ loophole around God’s will, His intent in marital relationships.

Moses, the superhero, the patriarch and leader who brought Israel out of slavery. The man who met with God, talked with God and brought the “big-ten” commands of God down from the mountain. It was this Moses that gave the “command,” allowing a bill of divorce. Yep, in Deuteronomy 24:1 Moses writes his own commentary on getting out of a marriage! Of course, Moses had just finished telling the Israelites about the seriousness of making a vow and keeping a promise. But then he immediately tells the men how to get out of their own marriage vow. For starters, Moses may have referred to fraud in the marriage vow, it certainly wasn’t adultery because that was punishable by death! If you read the verse, it does seem very pro-male and disrespectful to women, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her…”

The Pharisees mistakenly quote Moses’ allowance as a LAW! Jesus, who is the best possible authority on giving truth and commentary about all things, corrects the misinformation that permeated the religious culture in that day. Jesus takes time away from one mission, while the crowd has gathered, seeking and hoping for healing, to another mission. To try to admonish and correct faulty theology and practices of the religious leaders. This was grace extended, to them and corrective truth, to any who would be trying to use the Moses’ loophole to hastily justify divorce and destruction of families.

Jesus spoke right to their own hearts, saying, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Notice the liberal use of “you,” and “your”? It was absolutely true then as it is still today – divorce is awful, messy and expensive for husbands and wives. It is devastating when children are involved. If you, family or friends have been through divorce, you know it’s true. There is no need for shame, but we should quit pretending it’s a good thing, an easy thing. Please don’t minimize or idolize divorce. It’s hard. It’s emotional. It’s traumatic. But it should never be trivialized! I don’t just say this just because it’s true. I say this because I am the product of multiple divorces in my family – both birth family and adoptive family. I count four of them!

Prayer

Dad,
You’ve tried explaining that we hard hearts and stubborn desires to get what we want. But it feels so odd that in this story, Jesus us healing those in pain on one hand and begging people to quit causing pain on the other! We must be quite the oblivious spectacle to look down on. Help us. Forgive us. Thank you that your mercies are new every morning, because we are a big bunch of sin-spenders!

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The Testimony.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies. For he has gathered the exiles from many lands, from east and west, from north and south.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭107‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Returning home. After 70 years of being hauled off to Babylon, and living an entire generation under Persia’s thumb, Israel returns home. This Psalm, written by Ezra, captures the mood, the attitude, while making that journey up the hill back to Jerusalem. It was gratitude! It was thankfulness.

History and misery were behind them, but hope and home were before them. There was a lot of work to be done, rebuilding their temple and their famous 52 day fortified wall, but they were gratefully giddy.

Ezra asked a great question after a moment of explosive praise to God. Has the Lord redeemed you? Wow. That makes us think? What have been the times and seasons we felt alone and darkness seemed to surround us? When were the times of deep despair and little emotional reserves to fight? Then, the miracle, or miracles happened and things began to turnaround again? The agonizing cloud of pain and suffering begin to evaporate. The rays of sunshine and possibility begin to shine on our soul. What then?

Ezra gives his people a great response to all that has happened, to all that could have happened, but didn’t. Tell others! There is something deeply profound – physically and spiritually lifting, when we tell our story of redemption. Telling others helps reframe our own past experiences into a new reality. From our despondency to a dream to a declaration – God is good! Whenever our heart begins to reflect on the past darkness it’s as if the redemptive story sweeps in and reminds us of our rescue. Telling the story doesn’t remove the memory, instead it lifts the moment to new heights of meaning, purpose and victory. I did not die! I did not just survive! I made it through, and I am thriving because of God’s goodness to me.

Telling the God story also has a wonderful effect on those who are living in captivity, going through suffering, struggling to find hope and answers to their own pain. Speaking out, giving the testimony of God’s greatness injects a glimpse, a glimmer of hope in those who are still surrounded by dark clouds. This is our testimony! Give thanks. God is good. Speak it out, tell others, share the wonderful stories of hope every time you can.

Prayer

Dad,
Ezra’s psalm reminds me of the many dark times in my own life. And sure enough, right alongside those memories are the highlights of when you rescued me, you redeemed my situation. With even a twinge of pain comes a flood of grace, not to mask the pain in some sort of denial, instead the sweetness of You meeting me there overwhelms my soul with gratitude. It’s shocking to hear myself and others say, “I wouldn’t want to experience that time again, but I’m glad I went through it.” You’ve removed the sting and left a beautiful reminder of your grace. The scar is now a wonder to behold. I give thanks, for You are good. And, I will tell the story of how you rescued me.

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Hitting basement bottom.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“But you, O Lord, will sit on your throne forever. Your fame will endure to every generation. You will arise and have mercy on Jerusalem— and now is the time to pity her, now is the time you promised to help. For your people love every stone in her walls and cherish even the dust in her streets. Then the nations will tremble before the Lord. The kings of the earth will tremble before his glory. For the Lord will rebuild Jerusalem. He will appear in his glory. He will listen to the prayers of the destitute. He will not reject their pleas.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭102‬:‭12‬-‭17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Psalms have a rhythm, a pattern that often looks down, laying out the reality of grief before turning our hearts and heads upward. This idea of lamenting is often seen as negative and many of us are trained to stop it in ourselves and others, lest we plummet to the bottom. Maybe that’s where we are supposed to go. But, just not stay there.

Daniel (yes, lion’s den Daniel) wrote this Psalm just before Babylon began to release Israel from their 70 year timeout. Notice, there is no stand off between Cyrus the Great and God. Cyrus, the Persian king, had conquered Babylon and sent Israel home. No plagues, no death, no Red Sea, no wandering, just freedom to go home. However, just before Daniel pours out his heart as if he had hit bottom. Daniel didn’t feel like he could stand one more minute of being an immigrant in a foreign land. He wrote, “For my days disappear like smoke, and my bones burn like red-hot coals. My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite. Because of my groaning, I am reduced to skin and bones.” Daniel was done. He continued, “I eat ashes for food. My tears run down into my drink because of your anger and wrath. For you have picked me up and thrown me out.” I can’t imagine someone telling him to stop being so negative and just snap out of it. No one seems have been there to tell Daniel how blessed and favored he and his people were for being in captivity because they were being disciplined by God himself. Do we have ANY room in our theology today for suffering or discipline?

But as with most of the Psalms, there is a healthy, true ride to the bottom before coming up again. After pouring out his heart before God and recognizing how disheartening and difficult their situation was, he begins to look up. “But you, O Lord…” How arduous the ride down, but how beautiful the ride back up into the presence of God. “You will arise and have mercy,” Daniel declares.

I don’t know if Daniel and Nehemiah were even aware of each other, it seems they did not know what the other was doing. However, you’ll see a small reference in Daniel’s renewed reflection of God’s grace on their beloved city. Daniel writes, “For your people love every stone in her walls.” Isn’t that amazing! We know from Nehemiah, that the people loved those stones so much that they were able to rebuild Jerusalem’s protective wall in just 52 days!

Daniel’s lament turns into a swell of hope and faith in God, “For the Lord will rebuild….” These Psalms are perfect prayer templates for us. Don’t be afraid to ride the pain, grief, loneliness and sorrow all the way down to the bottom, even the basement. Just make sure after you’ve hit bottom, you push the button of faith and trust God that the ride back up will be filled with His grace and glory. I believe Daniel and his prayer, God will not reject our pleas!

Prayer

Dad,
I should not fear the trip down, even as life, in its reality looks dark. I remember one of David’s Psalms that said, “if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.” Because even when I hit bottom, I can look up and see your mercy and be embraced by your grace! Thank you.

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Wisdom, begging for you to listen.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“I call to you, to all of you! I raise my voice to all people. You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding. Listen to me! For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth and detest every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or crooked in it. My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge.” Proverbs‬ ‭8‬:‭4‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Many of us are physical learners. I have a granddaughter that is very kinesthetic! She learns through physical exploration. She grabs, climbs, rocks and pushes back in her seat, just for fun. Then through falling, scraping and slamming to the ground she discovers the beauty of pain as a teacher. Every kinesthetic toddler seems to be shocked that things didn’t go the way they thought they would. My granddaughter then looks for comfort and somewhat blames her elders for not saving her before the inevitable happens.

Every parent, grand, teacher and friend knows what it’s like when you have to BEG a physical learner/extreme adventurer to heed WISDOM. I’m NOT saying these kinds of learners are simpletons, as Proverbs professes. I am saying that wisdom knows that some are destined to learn through failure and pain. Wisdom calls, begs and beckons to just give her a chance! She is right, truthful, wholesome, plain and simple. All one has to do is listen and heed her advice.

Ah, but we know better, right? It won’t happen to us, right? A thousand have tried and failed, but I – I will beat the odds! Ha – that’s original. My two cents, my fractional bitcoin – just give it a try. I have discovered that wisdom is right and good and I have benefited from it even as a knuckleheaded-youth. Don’t take my word for it, take hers. Get wisdom. Make her one of your bff’s.

Prayer

Dad,
What can I say? You know what you’re doing! Your will, your way is THE best, the most helpful. And, when I listen. When I obey. Things go far better than I could even imagine. Help me to continue to learn wisdom and never be satisfied with what was learned, but stay curious until I die.

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Don’t pour iodine in an open wound of the soul.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.” Proverbs‬ ‭25‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What is it about making everyone feel good or constantly being positive? The wisdom writers pitch a counterintuitive idea. How about NOT cheering someone up?

When I am down or processing difficult, even unpleasant situations happening in my own life, it’s not that I WANT to be negative or depressed. I’m not a masochist when it comes to suffering. However, I am trying to unravel, decode or possibly solve the reasons behind the heaviness, grief or big emotions. And when I am working hard to sift through the whole situation, whether it’s about me or not, the last thing I want is some fluffy, quick, trite, pick-me-up to instantly try to snap me back to feels-good. And, yes, it makes it worse when someone gives me, in that moment, a Bible verse about how I should feel. A Philippians or a “count it all joy,” comment is not helpful.

I know, I know, I know, people are just being kind and I absolutely have friends who live on the amazing promises of God that got them through the darkest moments of their life. I don’t want to be rude and brush them or their comments off. I just want people to try to understand the difference between being a friend who just sits in a really crummy moment with me and someone just trying quippy up because of the uncomfortableness of grief, pain or sorrow. Those emotions are very real and very necessary at times.

Jobs’ friends in 2:11-13 did something very right, “they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” Job was devastated by what happened to him and his kids and his friends, at this point, behaved bravely stellar!

Proverbs isn’t against cheering someone up or dispensing hope at appropriate times, it’s just asking folks to read the situation before saying something that would bring more pain. When grief or suffering can be like a warm coat in the cold of night, a friend comes along, singing a Mary Poppins tune and steals the one thing they need to bare the moment – a heavy heart. This is similar to another Proverb (27:14) about loudly greeting a neighbor in the morning. It’s just bad timing! So what is appropriate? Silence. A permission side-hug. A commiserating look of sadness. Even the simple words of consolation, “I am so sorry.” Maybe a quick prayer of God’s peace, his Shalom over them, would be nice. The last thing I want to do to a friend or have done to me is have Mercurochrome poured into an open wound of the soul.

Prayer

Dad,
It’s nice to know that grief, suffering or just awful traumatic experiences are just a normal part of life on this planet. I want people to be thoughtful to me and I to them when it comes to being vulnerable enough to share in these weighty moments. I am sure folks are well-meaning in their quick-fixes. I just don’t want to miss or mistake these moments for a light way to politely avoid awkwardness. Love can be awkward right? Thank you for your peace and comfort and our ability to enter into someone else’s pain to sit and join them for awhile.

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Pregnancy pain before delivery.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“This is what the Lord says: “I hear cries of fear; there is terror and no peace. Now let me ask you a question: Do men give birth to babies? Then why do they stand there, ashen-faced, hands pressed against their sides like a woman in labor? In all history there has never been such a time of terror. It will be a time of trouble for my people Israel. Yet in the end they will be saved!” Jeremiah‬ ‭30‬:‭5‬-‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God asks some strange questions! The state and condition of Israel will go through extraordinary painful experiences. So much so that men, strong Jewish men will take the stance and position of a woman in the final stages of giving birth. Standing, hands on hips, breathing, focusing, screaming through the pain. His face, like that of the woman in labor, pale and exhausted. This is the travail of misery just before life is delivered, and Israel is expelled from Babylon.

One of my favorite commentaries, Jamieson-Fausset-Brown, writes, “Ask—Consult all the authorities, men or books, you can, you will not find an instance. Yet in that coming day men will be seen with their hands pressed on their loins, as women do to repress their pangs. God will drive men through pain to gestures more fitting a woman than a man (Jer 4:31; 6:24). The metaphor is often used to express the previous pain followed by the sudden deliverance of Israel, as in the case of a woman in childbirth (Isa 66:7-9).”

It’s the bluntness of the New Living Translation that gets me here – Have you ever seen an man deliver a baby? Ah, but God is not doing a gender comparison here. The answer is rhetorically clear – NO. It’s the comparison of pain, of which no man has nor desires to go through – birthing a child! Every husband who has been through the process of pregnancy with his wife knows what it’s like to watch this happen. Every wife who becomes a mother knows in body, soul and spirit what it’s like to GIVE BIRTH to a human! It’s extraordinarily painful. Yet, almost immediately after deliverance their is indescribable JOY!

No man knows the pain of childbirth. However, the pain of capture, captivity and humiliation is so great they may mimic the reaction of that pain like a woman about to give birth. The point God makes through Jeremiah’s words is the pain of captivity is great, but the Joy of deliverance is greater! Ah, there it is – the picture of all humankind waiting in labor to have new life delivered and that only comes through the messiah! We are at the precipice of that final moment of deliverance.

Prayer

Dad,
All humanity aches under the pain of what Israel had to go through. Their captor was Babylon, ours sin. We’ve only known life under the curse of sin. We’ve only known selfishness, strife and struggle. Yet, within this long saga of brokenness, we have seen glimpses of freedom. Through faith, we’ve also experienced love, mercy and forgiveness, for ourselves and for others. This miracle of life, even under the shroud of sin is extraordinary. I, like so many others, wait for the end. Not forebodingly, but eagerly anticipating life with you and with each other to be reset back to the original plan of perfection. How it will all work with the knowledge of good and evil along with eternal life – I honestly do not know or understand. But I know you will make it all work.

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Deciphering the cry.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety,” Psalms‬ ‭61:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Every parent has to learn to listen, learn and decipher the “cry” of their child. Not every child cries the same and certainly not all children express their pain, discomfort, need, or even boredom the same way. Some cry immediately and are excellent communicators of uncomfortabiliity. I remember Dr. Karyn Purvis teaching on childhood traumas saying, one of the first things babies need to learn is “I cry, you come.” It is vital to establish trust in littles that there is someone bigger, helpful and listening. She said, “babies orphaned with no human contact quit crying because they learn that no one will come.” Infant orphanages in some foreign countries are silent 😢.

Then there are those children (toddler age) who quickly learn to vary their cries to more or less leverage the drama to, you know, sway the situation in their favor. Real cries, real tears, real emotions – yet not all cries need the quick response of first aid or first hugs. We have a couple of grand-toddlers and they cry when frustrated, hungry, tired, curious, or just want something they want and want it immediately! Oooo, and when they can’t IMMEDIATELY have the object of their desire, they throw the biggest fit, with a wonderful water show and lots of flailing of body parts!

Even though we are no longer babies or most of us may have grown out of the spiritually “toddler phase” or our relationship with God, it is so good to read David’s prayer and learn to pray it ourselves. “Listen to my cry!” And God does. We have a whole slew of actual needs happening in us or around us all-the-time. We hurt or someone close to us is in pain (physical, emotional or spiritual) and WE CRY. Notice, we don’t CONTROL anything, we just cry. Ah, but we don’t cry like someone abandoned as orphans, we cry knowing that God, our Father, hears and deciphers our need and will respond! Try this for yourself, cry out “God HELP! I am overwhelmed.”

By the way, the “towering rock of safety,” was likely the shepherd’s lookout tower. Outside of Jerusalem there’s a very famous one. This is the tower that the highly skilled, and trained shepherds would “tend” the sheep. The tower was a place they would take the newborn lambs to clean them up and keep them warm and toasty. They would also bring injured lambs to nurture them back to health. It was from this tower the shepherds had the most extraordinary annunciation every when one night, an angel of the Lord came and told them, “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!”

For years God heard our agonizing cries bearing the grief of our own sin and living in a war-torn battlefield of suffering and He answered. Somehow, I think David, the author of this Psalm knew the day would come when a rescuer would arrive, the promised Messiah.

Prayer

Dad,
I know you hear every cry and see every tear. You even said you collect our tears, knowing how deep our pain goes. And, I know you are working in us, through us, constantly. Through the great times of rejoicing and the necessary times of suffering, you are right there. Thank you for hearing our cries, seeing our suffering and coming near to comfort and give insight and wisdom in tough times.

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Exhausted but fulfilled.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Then Jesus turned to his disciples and said, “God blesses you who are poor, for the Kingdom of God is yours. God blesses you who are hungry now, for you will be satisfied. God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh.” Luke‬ ‭6:20-21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There is something uniquely holy and all together supernatural about doing God work. Jesus had an entire night of prayer, talking with God about all that was happening and all that would happen.

I’ve had a few talks with my sons and daughters. I’d say, “how’d you’re day go?” They would tell me the good and more frustrating parts of their day. These updates are often filled with highs and lows, sadness and hilarity. Then it would move on to “what’s up next?” Oftentimes it would be a list of upcoming events or plans. But sometimes it would be a conversation about dreams and aspirations – and I would drink it in like a tall glass of watermelon iced tea.

After spending a night on the hill, Jesus called his team together and gave twelve of them a group name – you’ll be called Apostles, he said – Messengers, ones sent on a mission.

THEN Jesus comes down to start his day job – healing the sick and kicking demons out of humans. Luke, the doctor, wants us to know that it was hard work, exhausting work because he says, “Everyone tried to touch him, because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone.” Hmmm, and he healed everyone? An exaggeration? I doubt it.

Whew, after a night of prayer, a quick but earth-shattering pep-talk with his people and a full day of supernatural power coming out of his soul. Jesus… what? Collapses? No, he gives a summary of the day to his team. He goes over the purpose of mission, the why behind what he’s there for and the template that these newly appointed Apostles would follow later on. He gives to them the quick outline of what the crowd produced in Jesus after a hard day’s work. The beginning of the be-attitudes.

God blesses, blesses, blesses those who are: poor, hungry and crying. These are not just physical deficiencies, they are deep cravings of the soul! Jesus reminds his team, there are those walking among you who are living below the physical and spiritual poverty level. There are those lacking daily physical and spiritual nutrients and are malnourished. And there are those who are physically and spiritually broken, who wake in pain and cry all day long. Jesus is saying this is why he came. Jesus is saying, this will soon be your mission to bless by healing, feeding and consoling. It was a very full day indeed! Prayer is exhilarating, people are exhausting. Welcome to the life of every believers day.

PRAYER:

Dad,
Whoa. That’s quite a day in the life of Jesus! It rattles my reality when I think of the desperation in our culture, the deep longing and searching for relief and something to dull the pain of a purposeless life or far worse. I think of folks in failing relationships, those trapped in addictions to self medicate and perpetually seeking even a moment of peace or a second to quiet their soul. I know people in constant physical pain who wake up wishing their life, their world would change. And to realize that you BLESS those in these dark and lonely places? Well, that’s amazing. And to imagine that you’ve called me to be a messenger, an ambassador of hope? Wow, that’s powerful.