“It is painful to be the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel.” Proverbs 17:21 NLT
Parenting is NOT easy. In fact, with the amount of change, social awareness and TOO MUCH information, it’s harder than ever. Parenting is now a crowdsourcing experience. And, if you fall trap to the loud, crass, “experts”, you’re always be swimming in a pool of “I’m not enough” for my child. The comparison game is like the book series, “The Hunger Games.” It’s high stakes – the world is watching competition for the smartest, most charming and stylish child award. Maybe we were better parents when we were dumb and unaware?
Knowledge of child raising techniques has only increased stress and a horrible pretense of control. Parents aren’t supposed to control their children, they are supposed to love them, parent them, teach them and protect them.
The wisdom writers give us these axioms, these principles for parenting. And, there are a bunch of them scattered throughout Proverbs. One truth: It is extremely painful to raise a fool. Let me remind you of the Hebrew word used here: Nabal: foolish, senseless. Nabal is one of four words used in Proverbs. There is Keciyl (49x), silly, simple or dumb. Pethiy (15x), unaware, seducible. ‘Eviyl, (19x), perverse, bent. Then there is Nabal (3x), wicked, purposely vile. Nabal may, in fact, be best described in the movie, “The Bad Seed.” You may say, “its impossible to have an evil child.” Thinking about the whole nature vs nurture argument. Think what you want. The job of a parent is to guide their children away from their pre-disposed character issues towards right, good and wise. Isn’t that our job?
Every parent knows, or should know, babies come out of the womb with enormous behavioral and individual characteristic qualities. There is no child that like any other child! Here in this Proverb we have the worst case scenario, the child is a fool and the pain must be carried by their parents. Notably, the Dad, but we know both parents suffer immensely when this happens. This verse does not help us nor warn us how NOT to raise or help this rebellious child. It only recognizes the grief, the lack of joy in having a child turn out this way. And, this child is powerfully capable of bringing pain and sorrow to the entire family tree. A child growing into adulthood can being great joy and healthy pride, or they can bring great grief.
Also remember if Proverbs was a curriculum for young Jewish men, these principles and pearls of wisdom would be taught to the young as a warning about critical areas necessary for their growing and maturity, and give them a sense of responsibility to their God-given family name. The time to learn about obedience, consequences and boundaries are when the child is young and a parent can clearly see patterns that will either be helpful or hurtful to their development into youth, young adult and adulthood.
This is when children often think of us as the “bad parent,” killing our free-spirited joy of chaos, tantrums or bursts of anger. Ah, but we know how important it is to be a parent of a young child, not a friend or a nanny. We should not be afraid of their willful tears or swayed by their get-my-way tricks. Momma & Daddy don’t want to raise no fool!
Prayer
Dad,
I worried and wondered what kind of Father I would be, not having a good role model myself. I wondered what kind of Mother Robin would be. My hope was that Robin instinctively knew all about parenting. We both learned a lot having and raising the three amazing children, now grown adults. I credit Robin and Your grace for our grown children not turning out to be fools. And, I am so thankful for their character. Now, full circle, a couple of them are raising their own little miracles! Watching them love and train our Grandgirls is such a treat, such a joy. Thank you for allowing us to experience this true joy of parenting!