Tag: Loss

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Missional detour to talk divorce.

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea east of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Matthew, being a disciple of Christ, and the “disciple of detail,” captures and compares the moments of Jesus’ mission and contrasts that with our incessant need to preserve our loopholes.

We all have our heart detours to get around the principles and the will of God. What do I mean? Matthew clearly tells us that Jesus was busy fulfilling his purpose and mission from God. Jesus stated before, he was here for the sick – and were not talking purely physical illness. “Large crowds followed!” Why? Because humanity has a lot of needs – we suffer! And, Jesus being Jesus, He healed them. On mission – exhausting work, but WORTH IT! The very next scene appears to be in direct conflict with Jesus’ mission. But maybe it’s not?

Religious leaders also show up, but they don’t show up needy or appear to be suffering. They are sick as well, but don’t know it. They come with tests, traps and spiritual controversies. They have obviously thought through their questions carefully, choosing the ones that would catch Jesus conflicting or twisting God’s own rules.

The Pharisees bring up an interesting question, one that is both very old, yet very current even today! DIVORCE. Oh, the learned, crafty men don’t ask about the pain and suffering of divorce. They don’t ask about the division of families or leaving women destitute after the marriage ends. They don’t even talk about the deep shame of relational failure – when one or both men and women have to live with or hide away in their souls. They want to know if it is permissible, if it’s acceptable to get around or get away with breaking one of God’s earliest relationship rules. That’s why Jesus made a quick joke about the question. “Oh, you haven’t read the scriptures,” Jesus says, trying not to smirk a wry smile. Oh, they knew the one Jesus was referring to. The Genesis 2:24 reference, the “leave and cleave” idea, often still used in many marriage ceremonies. The whole idea of marriage between a man and a woman is this idea of becoming one! They are united, together, a beautiful blending of wills and ways in body and soul. One can imagine the pain and suffering after tearing a whole and unified person apart. Physically, it would be excruciating and it would be a miracle if both halves survived. It is as dangerous and rare as separating conjoined twins! However, that’s not what the Pharisee’s were asking. And that’s not what they wanted Jesus to talk about. No, they were more interested in Moses’ loophole around God’s will, His intent in marital relationships.

Moses, the superhero, the patriarch and leader who brought Israel out of slavery. The man who met with God, talked with God and brought the “big-ten” commands of God down from the mountain. It was this Moses that gave the “command,” allowing a bill of divorce. Yep, in Deuteronomy 24:1 Moses writes his own commentary on getting out of a marriage! Of course, Moses had just finished telling the Israelites about the seriousness of making a vow and keeping a promise. But then he immediately tells the men how to get out of their own marriage vow. For starters, Moses may have referred to fraud in the marriage vow, it certainly wasn’t adultery because that was punishable by death! If you read the verse, it does seem very pro-male and disrespectful to women, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her…”

The Pharisees mistakenly quote Moses’ allowance as a LAW! Jesus, who is the best possible authority on giving truth and commentary about all things, corrects the misinformation that permeated the religious culture in that day. Jesus takes time away from one mission, while the crowd has gathered, seeking and hoping for healing, to another mission. To try to admonish and correct faulty theology and practices of the religious leaders. This was grace extended, to them and corrective truth, to any who would be trying to use the Moses’ loophole to hastily justify divorce and destruction of families.

Jesus spoke right to their own hearts, saying, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Notice the liberal use of “you,” and “your”? It was absolutely true then as it is still today – divorce is awful, messy and expensive for husbands and wives. It is devastating when children are involved. If you, family or friends have been through divorce, you know it’s true. There is no need for shame, but we should quit pretending it’s a good thing, an easy thing. Please don’t minimize or idolize divorce. It’s hard. It’s emotional. It’s traumatic. But it should never be trivialized! I don’t just say this just because it’s true. I say this because I am the product of multiple divorces in my family – both birth family and adoptive family. I count four of them!

Prayer

Dad,
You’ve tried explaining that we hard hearts and stubborn desires to get what we want. But it feels so odd that in this story, Jesus us healing those in pain on one hand and begging people to quit causing pain on the other! We must be quite the oblivious spectacle to look down on. Help us. Forgive us. Thank you that your mercies are new every morning, because we are a big bunch of sin-spenders!

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Trilogy of loss

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living.” Luke‬ ‭15:11-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Trilogy of loss.

Luke weaves together a few of Jesus’ parables or stories about loss. In one story, about sheep, there is clearly a large number of sheep comparative to just one – a 99 to 1 ratio. The point, of course the one is important and needs to be found. Jesus tells this story in the context, the audience of religious leaders seemingly devaluing the sinful commoners. Maybe Jesus flips it and suggests the sinners are the 99 and safe, but the Pharisees, the religiously lost are the one and are in danger!

Then Luke gives us the story Jesus told, of the woman with ten coins. It may have been part of her dowry from her father. It may have been the life savings of a poor or even widowed woman, likely her retirement plan for living out her old age. This is a 9 to 1 ratio, but this one coin could mean complete poverty once she runs out of money.

Then we get to the “lost sons.” This ratio is a 1 to 1. But this isn’t a sheep that you are responsible for. Nor a coin that endangers your quality of life. This is your blood, your boy, your highest priority of love, pride and promise! No one says, “well good thing I’ve still got one boy,” or “that’s why we have an heir and a spare!” No, this is a heart-crushing experience that every good mother and father fears the most – losing a child!

I have so much compassion and deep agony over any parent that loses a child – I have buried sons before their time! It is out of sync with expectations of how life should go. Oh, I know the boy here in the story didn’t die, but almost worse he clearly declared he wanted to be DEAD as far as his family relationships were concerned. Truth: the money the son demanded at this point meant NOTHING to his father. The father was forced to drink a bitter poison of failure, shame and shattered future.

As the son goes off to pay and play on Pig Island – the Decapolis (Gerasenes), the Dad was daily in mourning. This loss was so personal, so deep that the men who listened must have been jerking and twitching to hold back tears. No father, no parent should ever experience this kind of loss.

Who are we in these stories? Maybe we are the one sheep, lost and longing to be found. Maybe we’re the one coin, causing a anxious ripple in the future livelihood of its owner. Maybe we’re the one father who has to face the ultimate rejection of his love, whose life and legacy is linked to the well being of his children.

Which one of these is God? Is He the shepherd, the widow, or the father who mourns? It gives me chills to think the gospel is all about going after lost things. God is all about pursing that which others have given up on. The biggest difference in the these stories… is that the shepherd searches, the widow seeks, the father – WAITS.

Prayer

Dad,
Whew, I got a little emotional thinking about these stories of loss, the sheep, coin and son. The one that hit me the hardest was the loss of a child. I could barely breath when I officiated Chad’s burial, with his mom and dad standing there, just empty shells of pain. I had the worst theological dilemma ever when I helped officiate Josh’s funeral attended by a thousand of his friends. This kind of parental loss is not like the others. Yet, I see that this is also your heart towards us, especially those who have DEMANDED their cut to live a life as far away from you as possible. I don’t know how you bare that kind of pain, but I am thankful you did it for me, for all of us.