Tag: Grief

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Too shy to tell?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies. Psalms‬ ‭107‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Ezra takes a moment here in this Psalm to declare the goodness of God. They are returning from Babylonian captivity and are not only excited to be free and return to their own land, but they are grateful for the lessons learned!

Are you in a dark place, walking through the shadows of life? I have been there! Several years ago I was fired from a ministry position. The first thirty days were filled with anger, grief and sheer panic! I didn’t know if I was being punished or disciplined by God or just experiencing suffering through “church hurt.” I was sidelined, like a timeout for an entire year!

But also during those first few months, something extraordinary happened. I had friends and family checking in with me, taking me out to lunch and just sitting with me in my grief – it felt like such a Job season. God was closer than ever! God was present in mercy, encouraging me through His word and through the words of others. It was surreal to experience God going through it, not getting out of it quickly.

It is interesting to me that we don’t often share our sorrows with each other and even more mind-boggling that we don’t share the moments of victory! When the shadows lift, the clouds dissipate and the sun shines brightly once again. It’s wonderful to share grief – a burden shared is lighter. But it’s even more exciting to come out of exile and share with friends just how good God was the entire time.

His faithful love does ENDURE! And God still redeems our brokenness, our sins and sorrows. We should not be shy about telling others that God is real, He’s close and He cares. Give thanks then tell your story?

Prayer

​Dad,
Whew, those were really dark days. I remember spending a lot of time (because I had an abundance of time) in the Psalms, grieving, crying and searching for answers. But not once did I feel alone. You were with me. Your comfort and peace gave me strength and kept my mind from spinning off into thinking or acting foolishly. I will tell of Your goodness to me. You redeemed that year and brought me so many opportunities and blessings. Thank you for grace and mercy. Amen.

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Hitting basement bottom.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“But you, O Lord, will sit on your throne forever. Your fame will endure to every generation. You will arise and have mercy on Jerusalem— and now is the time to pity her, now is the time you promised to help. For your people love every stone in her walls and cherish even the dust in her streets. Then the nations will tremble before the Lord. The kings of the earth will tremble before his glory. For the Lord will rebuild Jerusalem. He will appear in his glory. He will listen to the prayers of the destitute. He will not reject their pleas.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭102‬:‭12‬-‭17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Psalms have a rhythm, a pattern that often looks down, laying out the reality of grief before turning our hearts and heads upward. This idea of lamenting is often seen as negative and many of us are trained to stop it in ourselves and others, lest we plummet to the bottom. Maybe that’s where we are supposed to go. But, just not stay there.

Daniel (yes, lion’s den Daniel) wrote this Psalm just before Babylon began to release Israel from their 70 year timeout. Notice, there is no stand off between Cyrus the Great and God. Cyrus, the Persian king, had conquered Babylon and sent Israel home. No plagues, no death, no Red Sea, no wandering, just freedom to go home. However, just before Daniel pours out his heart as if he had hit bottom. Daniel didn’t feel like he could stand one more minute of being an immigrant in a foreign land. He wrote, “For my days disappear like smoke, and my bones burn like red-hot coals. My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite. Because of my groaning, I am reduced to skin and bones.” Daniel was done. He continued, “I eat ashes for food. My tears run down into my drink because of your anger and wrath. For you have picked me up and thrown me out.” I can’t imagine someone telling him to stop being so negative and just snap out of it. No one seems have been there to tell Daniel how blessed and favored he and his people were for being in captivity because they were being disciplined by God himself. Do we have ANY room in our theology today for suffering or discipline?

But as with most of the Psalms, there is a healthy, true ride to the bottom before coming up again. After pouring out his heart before God and recognizing how disheartening and difficult their situation was, he begins to look up. “But you, O Lord…” How arduous the ride down, but how beautiful the ride back up into the presence of God. “You will arise and have mercy,” Daniel declares.

I don’t know if Daniel and Nehemiah were even aware of each other, it seems they did not know what the other was doing. However, you’ll see a small reference in Daniel’s renewed reflection of God’s grace on their beloved city. Daniel writes, “For your people love every stone in her walls.” Isn’t that amazing! We know from Nehemiah, that the people loved those stones so much that they were able to rebuild Jerusalem’s protective wall in just 52 days!

Daniel’s lament turns into a swell of hope and faith in God, “For the Lord will rebuild….” These Psalms are perfect prayer templates for us. Don’t be afraid to ride the pain, grief, loneliness and sorrow all the way down to the bottom, even the basement. Just make sure after you’ve hit bottom, you push the button of faith and trust God that the ride back up will be filled with His grace and glory. I believe Daniel and his prayer, God will not reject our pleas!

Prayer

Dad,
I should not fear the trip down, even as life, in its reality looks dark. I remember one of David’s Psalms that said, “if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.” Because even when I hit bottom, I can look up and see your mercy and be embraced by your grace! Thank you.

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Don’t pour iodine in an open wound of the soul.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.” Proverbs‬ ‭25‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What is it about making everyone feel good or constantly being positive? The wisdom writers pitch a counterintuitive idea. How about NOT cheering someone up?

When I am down or processing difficult, even unpleasant situations happening in my own life, it’s not that I WANT to be negative or depressed. I’m not a masochist when it comes to suffering. However, I am trying to unravel, decode or possibly solve the reasons behind the heaviness, grief or big emotions. And when I am working hard to sift through the whole situation, whether it’s about me or not, the last thing I want is some fluffy, quick, trite, pick-me-up to instantly try to snap me back to feels-good. And, yes, it makes it worse when someone gives me, in that moment, a Bible verse about how I should feel. A Philippians or a “count it all joy,” comment is not helpful.

I know, I know, I know, people are just being kind and I absolutely have friends who live on the amazing promises of God that got them through the darkest moments of their life. I don’t want to be rude and brush them or their comments off. I just want people to try to understand the difference between being a friend who just sits in a really crummy moment with me and someone just trying quippy up because of the uncomfortableness of grief, pain or sorrow. Those emotions are very real and very necessary at times.

Jobs’ friends in 2:11-13 did something very right, “they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” Job was devastated by what happened to him and his kids and his friends, at this point, behaved bravely stellar!

Proverbs isn’t against cheering someone up or dispensing hope at appropriate times, it’s just asking folks to read the situation before saying something that would bring more pain. When grief or suffering can be like a warm coat in the cold of night, a friend comes along, singing a Mary Poppins tune and steals the one thing they need to bare the moment – a heavy heart. This is similar to another Proverb (27:14) about loudly greeting a neighbor in the morning. It’s just bad timing! So what is appropriate? Silence. A permission side-hug. A commiserating look of sadness. Even the simple words of consolation, “I am so sorry.” Maybe a quick prayer of God’s peace, his Shalom over them, would be nice. The last thing I want to do to a friend or have done to me is have Mercurochrome poured into an open wound of the soul.

Prayer

Dad,
It’s nice to know that grief, suffering or just awful traumatic experiences are just a normal part of life on this planet. I want people to be thoughtful to me and I to them when it comes to being vulnerable enough to share in these weighty moments. I am sure folks are well-meaning in their quick-fixes. I just don’t want to miss or mistake these moments for a light way to politely avoid awkwardness. Love can be awkward right? Thank you for your peace and comfort and our ability to enter into someone else’s pain to sit and join them for awhile.