Real men are not fools.

Reading Time: 3 minutes
“While I was at the window of my house, looking through the curtain, I saw some naive young men, and one in particular who lacked common sense.” Proverbs‬ ‭7:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Wisdom, personified as someone looking out of the window of their house, sees young men. I don’t know what kind of neighborhood wisdom lived in but wow, she could look out and see some solicitation happening right across the street!

She sees young men and specifically the one who lacked common sense. What she saw was one of the four words the wisdom writers use for “fool.” Did you know there were four Hebrew words for fool? 1. Keciyl- stupid or silly, 2. Pethiy- seducible or simple, 3. Eviyl- perverse, and 4. Nabal- wicked (for more – bit.ly/biblefool).

Here the word “naive” in other translations is “simple” and yep, you guessed it, the seducible kind. I totally believe that wisdom looks out and sees this in some young men.

However, I’ve seen a lot of “simple” men (not just young) in my life. I used to think these were men who had horrible-to-none father figures, but some had/have great Dads and they just want to be knuckleheads.

I look out my own window and see plenty! I see young men race through neighborhoods, not caring about young children darting out in the street. I hear young men “sharing” their over-driven, expensive, testosterone fueled stereos leaving car alarms blaring and windows shaking. I see really expensive cars, all customized and tricked out with all the bling that could have gone into a ring for their girl. I see prison tats and angry death-glares as they swagger down our street scoping out a score or peeing spray paint to tag a neighbors wall. I hear f-bombs dropped as they talk to their woman and illegitimate children in tow. Oh, I see and hear a lot of vibrato, but I do not see men or maturity. I see fools.

I drive though my city and see young boys, preschoolers walking with their moms. They are as cute and as innocent as can be. I pray they don’t grow up to be fools, but I also know about the vicious cycles of a macho culture that will leave them with few choices to follow wisdom.

My heart breaks. I, like wisdom herself, want to call out and beg them not to be seduced by all the evils of this world, all the easy opportunities to just grow up mirroring what they saw in their own estranged father.

These stories of the simple do not turn out well. The wisdom writers, speaking of the temptress, say, “Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death.” Honestly, sex isn’t the only seduction – power is just as tempting. And young men who figure out “to be feared, is to be powerful,” mistake the real purpose of power. Real men, wise, mature men, know that real power is to protect the weak, not intimidate them. And real men know that sex is not love. Sex is given, received and experienced in a lifetime bond of commitment and sacrifice to one woman; and to make kids that grow up secure, protected, and wise to love God & others.

PRAYER:

Dad,
I would never have figured out how to be a man if you had not found me and rescued me from a cycle of chaos. You pulled me out of generations of some good-hearted but weak, simple men trying to be fathers in my life. Of course, Ben, dad #3, wasn’t kind at all he was a Nabal kind of fool – wicked and conniving to his core. Thank you for wisdom. Thank you for discipline of character. Thank you for being a great Dad!

A Father’s job description

Reading Time: 3 minutes
“My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you.”                Proverbs‬ ‭4:4-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​After hearing Tim Keller say that Proverbs was probably written as curriculum for a Hebrew boys school, it’s hard to get that picture out of my head. I read this chapter as a possibly a guest Dad coming in and talking to the class. He writes, “For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.” It wasn’t Solomon himself because Bathsheba had other sons.

Still, when a passage boldly opens with, “my father taught me,” I have a sense of loss. As I’ve written tons of times, if you have/had a great Dad, be thankful – be very thankful. If, like me, that word is a sore spot, then I encourage you to do everything in your power to BE a great Dad. I have certainly tried to do that with my three children, and now with their S.O. as well. Now I’m focusing on being an amazing Granddad!

These passages are really the number one job of a Dad – to lead, guide and give WISDOM for their children. Things like character, discipline, patience, delayed gratification, decision-making, self differentiation, self awareness, frugality and generosity are key areas that come from parents and are actually learned very early in a child’s life. Parenting starts with high control and allows children to make more decisions on their own as they grow. A friend of mine told me that freedom was his kid’s reward for making those good decisions. Good decisions mean a lot more freedom by the time they’ve reached 15-18 yrs old. That means a lot of “do-overs” and discussions around poor decisions because it will give them the practice they need for building their own life.

I know guys who are 30, 40, even 50 who still do poorly at managing their own life, thus do poorly leading their families. BTW, even great Dads aren’t perfect. Children find that out as they get older.

This whole idea of getting wisdom at an early age means that their foundation and their launch-pad of life is solid. And, best of all… getting wisdom is a personification of having a solid relationship with God. There is some discussion and controversy surrounding the idea that wisdom is either Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I’ll let you research that on your own. The word “Spirit” in Hebrew is feminine (Hebrew (רוּחַ, rūaḥ), neuter in Greek (πνεῦμα, pneûma). And wisdom is feminine as well ( חָכְמָה, chokmah).

PRAYER:

Dad,
I could not do anything about when, where or who I was born to, and had zero control over what happened to me or around me as a child. However, once you got my attention at fifteen, the decisions to be and live differently from my family of origin story was up to me! It took (still takes) a lot to fight inertia to make change happen. I have to continually struggle with a self-limiting attitude in my head that says, “I’m lucky to have made it this far!” I will push and even fail if necessary to not let my past define my future. You are my future! You have redeemed me and set aside a purpose for my life. I want to be and attain ALL that you have designed for me and not wimp out on any part of it. YOU are my audience of one!