Tag: father

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Young men’s folly.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The woman named Folly is brash. She is ignorant and doesn’t know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men going by who are minding their own business. “Come in with me,” she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment, she says, “Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!” But little do they know that the dead are there. Her guests are in the depths of the grave. Proverbs‬ ‭9‬:‭13‬-‭18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Proverbs sets up this interesting discussion about the dangers of womanly trickery. Whole chapters discuss her wily ways, alluringly, setting and snapping the death trap for men – young men in particular.

If Proverbs was a training manual for young Jewish boys, then these topics became salacious reading material. And, I’m sure there were secret whispers on the backside of the local synagogue. When I read these Proverbs, as a young man, I remember having visions of sleazy, vegas-strip like scenarios. I could viscerally feel the ick as I imagined some boy, wide-eyed and mesmerized, being lured in like a deer led to his demise. It was creepy, but appealing in a dangerous sort of way.

Proverbs 7 reads like a dirty magazine hidden under the mattress. I had not been to Vegas, nor visited a wayward women’s establishment nor a strip club. I have no personal experience with these awful, misguided, rights of passage. However, I no longer believe the wisdom writers and their teachers were attempting to mentally or visually tantalize the young souls of men.

Wisdom is saying something much deeper, much truer than blaming all the temptations on the temptress. I now believe EXACTLY what these verses propose. The woman’s name is Folly!

There are basically four words for foolish in Proverbs. One, in this description, is (kesiluth) stupidity! It’s the most benign of the four. It just means unlearned, unaware. Wisdom is the cure for stupid! However, we are fortunate because this verse contains the second most common word for foolish, (pethiyyuth) simple. It comes from the root word, (pathah) spacious, wide or open. As it pertains to a fool, it would mean, easily enticed, deceived or persuaded.

The warning doesn’t just come from the context of the young man being stupidly unaware and easily manipulated. It also comes with the voracity of this personified woman. This kind of tempter, is a (hamah) a predator who growls, and roars boisterously! There is a brash confidence to consume the innocence of their prey. There is far more than the sexual escapades of youth being allured by foolishness. Foolishness can be anything that deters, distracts, disengages a young man’s attention from doing what is right.

It may not seem as dangerous as succumbing to the seductive whispers of sexual freedom, but there are other temptations that lead to death. There are dares, bribes, and arrogance that surge in a young man’s soul. The triple-dog dare to lick the frozen pole. The bribe to try the latest social media challenge to huff, swallow or handle some untested experiment, experience or drug that puts one in an early grave. The rush of arrogance to be a somebody in demented group-think challenge of speed or reckless behavior.

The invitation to “come in with me,” isn’t always from a woman named Folly! It’s just as often a voice challenging a young man to prove himself by engaging in stupidity! And, the Proverb is 100%, accurately true – little do they know that the dead are there. And Folly’s guests are all found in the grave!

Our young men need Fathers. Our young men need mentors. I have seen more than just a delayed adolescence over the past several years. I have seen an extension of the folly season continue on into someone’s 20’s and 30’s. No wonder Wisdom BEGS us to listen. No wonder Wisdom constantly goes out searching, seeking for the simple so they might not become easy prey for the predators of foolishness.

Remember young men, the war for your heart and mind is real. Don’t be the casualty of folly! I have always recommended the Apostle Paul’s advice in 1 Cor. 15:33, “bad company corrupts good morals.” Get out while you can. Run from Folly. Embrace Wisdom.

Prayer

Dad,
Help us! Rescue us from ourselves and those who prey on the innocence of our youth. You found me and saved me. Pour out Your Spirit on our young men all over the globe. Meet them, Father them, as you have done for me. Amen.

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Someone’s gotta do it.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs‬ ‭19:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Discipline your kid!

Discipline- yasar: to discipline, chasten, admonish. While there is a thread – tiqvah: cord of waiting – qavah: wait.

It is translated as “hope.” Interesting that the Aramaic word for discipline is to “bind.” The Hebrew language is a language of imagery and built around words that illicit emotion and deep stories of the past. These words are like that. In dealing with sons, we would say children because it’s applicable, there is a stern parental instruction given.

Bind your kid now in the hope, the “cord of waiting,” that it will save their life! Sure discipline sounds better, even harsh chastening sounds better than tying your kid up until they learn to behave.

Here’s the point, someone’s gotta do it!

Most children will not discipline themselves! I say most because I have come across the rare and extraordinary child that has a social perception and sense of self awareness at a very young age to behave pretty much on their own. I WAS NOT that child.

Either a good, loving parent teaches, models, and corrects bad behavior or attitudes or someone later will do it for them. That will likely be a future police or parole officer.

Some parents have it very hard when faced with a little bully or bad seed, but it’s still their job to help their own child, protecting them from their own poor decisions in the future. The discipline, the hard conversations, and natural consequences done at age appropriate moments may slow or stop their self-driven demise.

All my parents, my adopted mom and three different dads tried their best to teach, even discipline me. But too often they had their own demons and lacked self discipline for themselves. All five of my parents had childhood struggles or like the prodigal son, ran off to live their own version of “freedom.” So, I wasn’t exactly given the gift of discipline and I would have ruined my own life if it weren’t for Jesus rescuing me. For our own children, I credit the well balanced serving of discipline to Robin. Her parents gave her the best kind of loving discipline- solid boundaries until she was old enough to make decisions for herself. FYI, keeping Robin from bowling alleys and movies did not ruin her life!

Prayer

Dad,
It was tough learning some kind of discipline at fifteen instead of five. And since I hated team sports, I didn’t even get the chance to be coached. So I took longer to catch on and my life shows the discipline-deficiencies even today. Yet, I am thankful you got a hold of me when you did. It looked like it would have gone bad much faster as I went through my angsty teens. Thank you for that. And thank you for “binding” me with a cord of waiting while you worked on me!

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Who is searching for who?

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “God is great!” But as for me, I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God. You are my helper and my savior; O Lord, do not delay.” Psalms‬ ‭70:4-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​I often wonder who is looking for God, personally seeking him out. I imagine that most are looking for some answers, rest, peace, especially hope. Even in those suffering moments that folks would look outside themselves and be open to the fact that God is watching over them and in that they’ll find a promise. They will find God when they look for him.

Well before I came to Christ at fifteen, I had a sense that someone was watching out for me, watching over me. It wasn’t in a creepy stalking way, but a gentle parental oversight. Even at a young age I had some really frightening moments and felt something trying to help me, I just didn’t understand him or know how to talk to him or ask for help. I know people think that comes natural to a child, but it didn’t with me. I was never really taught about God or even a general sense that he’s out there. And for sure that sense of God was never modeled in our home. That’s kinda of odd when I think about it because it was my adopted mother who dressed me up and sent me off to a church just down the street when I was probably seven or eight years old. I heard some amazing Bible stories, but never made an association that the Jesus in the Bible could also be in my home. It’s hard to understand because by the time I was a teenager, my older sister and my mom were taking me to church every week! I was attending a church and still could not make sense of this general or for sure this personal God idea. I just thought church people were just that, churchy people. I just went along with my Mom because one, I had too and two, it made her happy.

But at a moment before my life could have turned badly, God found me. I saw a genuineness in the youth my age and it made me curious and I wanted what they had, not really knowing exactly what it was. By the Holy Spirit, God touched a nerve, a soft spot, a loss or ache I had but didn’t know how really deep my pain went. So at fifteen I had a moment to reflect on my life, what had happened to me as well as who I was becoming. I was lost and without anyone to help guide me. When the voice offered me hope I immediately knew who it was. Strange huh? I had never interacted with him before, but then this clear voice was coming through, “if you give me your life, I will be your Dad.” I felt very unworthy, very exposed at that moment. I replied back, “I am nobody and I don’t have anything to offer you.” I felt worthless because of my family history and the really horrible things I had done in the few short teenage years of my life. The voice just spoke the offer again, “give me your life and I will be your Dad.” I broke and said “yes.” I cried a pile of snot and tears and watched a mini-series in my mind of just how awful I had been. I felt a real sense of guilt for my decisions, my behaviors and said I was sorry for all the things I had done. I had been searching for God, but I was not really aware of it. He came and found me just in time and offered me a deal that I couldn’t pass up. After two dads that had failed me and a really crummy dad that would soon come into my mother’s life, I was looking forward to God fathering me. And he has. He kept his promise and I still call him Dad.

PRAYER:

Dad,
Where would I be without you? What would I be if you had not rescued me? I am forever grateful that you had mercy on me and offered me a life, not just a great life here, but an absolutely amazing life with you forever! Thank you.

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A Father’s job description

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you.”                Proverbs‬ ‭4:4-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​After hearing Tim Keller say that Proverbs was probably written as curriculum for a Hebrew boys school, it’s hard to get that picture out of my head. I read this chapter as a possibly a guest Dad coming in and talking to the class. He writes, “For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.” It wasn’t Solomon himself because Bathsheba had other sons.

Still, when a passage boldly opens with, “my father taught me,” I have a sense of loss. As I’ve written tons of times, if you have/had a great Dad, be thankful – be very thankful. If, like me, that word is a sore spot, then I encourage you to do everything in your power to BE a great Dad. I have certainly tried to do that with my three children, and now with their S.O. as well. Now I’m focusing on being an amazing Granddad!

These passages are really the number one job of a Dad – to lead, guide and give WISDOM for their children. Things like character, discipline, patience, delayed gratification, decision-making, self differentiation, self awareness, frugality and generosity are key areas that come from parents and are actually learned very early in a child’s life. Parenting starts with high control and allows children to make more decisions on their own as they grow. A friend of mine told me that freedom was his kid’s reward for making those good decisions. Good decisions mean a lot more freedom by the time they’ve reached 15-18 yrs old. That means a lot of “do-overs” and discussions around poor decisions because it will give them the practice they need for building their own life.

I know guys who are 30, 40, even 50 who still do poorly at managing their own life, thus do poorly leading their families. BTW, even great Dads aren’t perfect. Children find that out as they get older.

This whole idea of getting wisdom at an early age means that their foundation and their launch-pad of life is solid. And, best of all… getting wisdom is a personification of having a solid relationship with God. There is some discussion and controversy surrounding the idea that wisdom is either Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I’ll let you research that on your own. The word “Spirit” in Hebrew is feminine (Hebrew (רוּחַ, rūaḥ), neuter in Greek (πνεῦμα, pneûma). And wisdom is feminine as well ( חָכְמָה, chokmah).

PRAYER:

Dad,
I could not do anything about when, where or who I was born to, and had zero control over what happened to me or around me as a child. However, once you got my attention at fifteen, the decisions to be and live differently from my family of origin story was up to me! It took (still takes) a lot to fight inertia to make change happen. I have to continually struggle with a self-limiting attitude in my head that says, “I’m lucky to have made it this far!” I will push and even fail if necessary to not let my past define my future. You are my future! You have redeemed me and set aside a purpose for my life. I want to be and attain ALL that you have designed for me and not wimp out on any part of it. YOU are my audience of one!