Tag: Failure

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Some things you just never forget.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you. With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭86‬:‭11‬-‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

King David, former shepherd, former Saul’s melody-muse, former man-on-the-run, reflects on his past as much as he does his future. From humble fields to giant-killer fame, to promised heir-apparent, David lived the full gamut of a colorful life. But in those bold snapshots of highs and lows there is a common theme – he always loved God and wanted to please him.

From his confident bravado on the battlefield, and awkward patience waiting for Saul to die a natural death. His rise to power, and then colossal failure as a man, a husband and leader. He always held onto his relationship with God. It’s admirable to understand that God wanted us to know so much about this man. It feels so authentic to see the circuitous paths it took to get David to be a “man after God’s heart,” and be able to judge his behaviors thousands of years later.

This psalm, in the book of Psalms, was inserted towards the end of David’s life. It reminds me of this struggle to be a faulty human AND be good. Not just momentarily human or situationally good, but to be both over a lifetime. Who really can judge us properly? Who can see the totality of earnest desire to be pure, to be good, yet consistently fail at it. What small slice would be observed in my life, or yours? The good slice of a worthy moment, where I served, loved and chose well? Or the humiliating one, where I selfishly or angrily lost my sense of perspective and choose poorly? Which moment would I chose to be remembered by, judged by? The good of course!

David’s prayer encourages me to keep choosing to believe, to pray like this psalm, “teach me, grant me purity of heart… so that I may honor God.” I too must hold on to the moments God rescued me, saved me. But I must also hold on to the moments where I made good choices, not bad. Moments where I pursued God, not failed him. So that I can also praise God will ALL my heart.

Prayer

Dad,
To be human means that I carry both memories of wretched failure and soaring sainthood. Through all the moments of highs and lows, you were always there. Whether proud or patient, you saw it all. In fact you see the beginning, the present and tomorrow all in an eternal moment of now! You see my choices tomorrow and how my life here eventually comes to an end. After all that is sorted, I hope you know that I do love you and I am so very grateful for everything you’ve done in my life. Your mercy and kindness to me has been overwhelming and unending. Thank you.

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What can people do to me?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭5‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalm 118 opens with David’s bold declaration of trust – “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” He had decided to center on who God is and what God wanted to accomplish, not the whirlwind of threats, intentions and plans of his enemies.

After the prophet Nathan had blown up David’s life, confronting him for his triple atrocities – rape, murder and coverup. God then deconstructed his faith, judging him and stripping him of the promises God had made to him when he was a younger man. These Psalms are the rebuilding and reconstruction of a whole new life. Yet, even with this fresh start there were consequences that followed David until the end of his life.

Along with this declaration, came the familiar sense of how powerful God’s will is and how weak are the constant veiled threats of people. Why do we listen to people compared to listening to God? It’s a common, flawed theme, in our lives! David writes out his process that is worth emulating. “In my distress I prayed to the Lord.” Again, how many times do I need to be reminded to go to God FIRST? We hear it, we are quick to encourage others to do it. But why do we wallow and wander in our hearts and ruminate in our minds when it looks like bad things may be heading our way?

David’s answer came quickly, “the Lord answered and set me free.” Wait? Did the threats stop? Did his enemies stop mocking? Did his own family situation just suddenly resolve? No, no and no. Circumstances did not change. David’s perspective, conviction and confidence changed! “The Lord is with me, so I will have no fear.” Then David scripts one of the most powerful narratives in the Bible, “what can man do to me?” NIV translates it, “what can mere mortals do to me?” The Hebrew text says, “What can adam (mankind) do?” Yahweh (Yhvh) is on my side! It is better to take refuge in and trust in Yahweh than people or princes.

David in his very natural, normal process of being confronted by his own sin and failures as a man, a husband and a global leader, decided to receive both consequences AND forgiveness. He begins the slow progress of reconstructing his faith and his life. This is extremely hard to do, right? If you don’t think so then maybe you have not blown your life up and watched the shattered pieces of friends and families have to rebuild their trust in you. David didn’t stay down, he didn’t continue to roll around in the gutter of his past. When God offered a hand to pull him out of the pit of despair, discouragement and depression, David took that hand and let God lift him. No, God didn’t not let him off easy for his sins. David paid dearly through massive loss of his sons and family integrity. Yet, God gave him a chance, a do-over. Psalm 118 is a great model of active repentance and rebuilding a life with God.

Prayer

Dad,
Whew. What a rough read. To go from a happy, singing shepherd boy to giant killer to a global leader. Then, with all that power, wealth and opportunity, to see David cave to his long-battled, selfish lust and desires is so gut-wrenching. He knew better, he should have behaved better, but he didn’t and I’m not beyond making those stupid, selfish mistakes myself. Yet, in your mercy and massive long-suffering, you gave him another chance to get it right. Even then, David had to go through the consequences and climb out of his own darkness and depression to let you forgive and help rebuild his life. Thank your for your mercy and patience over me. I never want to take it for granted.

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Wisdom, begging for you to listen.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“I call to you, to all of you! I raise my voice to all people. You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding. Listen to me! For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth and detest every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or crooked in it. My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge.” Proverbs‬ ‭8‬:‭4‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Many of us are physical learners. I have a granddaughter that is very kinesthetic! She learns through physical exploration. She grabs, climbs, rocks and pushes back in her seat, just for fun. Then through falling, scraping and slamming to the ground she discovers the beauty of pain as a teacher. Every kinesthetic toddler seems to be shocked that things didn’t go the way they thought they would. My granddaughter then looks for comfort and somewhat blames her elders for not saving her before the inevitable happens.

Every parent, grand, teacher and friend knows what it’s like when you have to BEG a physical learner/extreme adventurer to heed WISDOM. I’m NOT saying these kinds of learners are simpletons, as Proverbs professes. I am saying that wisdom knows that some are destined to learn through failure and pain. Wisdom calls, begs and beckons to just give her a chance! She is right, truthful, wholesome, plain and simple. All one has to do is listen and heed her advice.

Ah, but we know better, right? It won’t happen to us, right? A thousand have tried and failed, but I – I will beat the odds! Ha – that’s original. My two cents, my fractional bitcoin – just give it a try. I have discovered that wisdom is right and good and I have benefited from it even as a knuckleheaded-youth. Don’t take my word for it, take hers. Get wisdom. Make her one of your bff’s.

Prayer

Dad,
What can I say? You know what you’re doing! Your will, your way is THE best, the most helpful. And, when I listen. When I obey. Things go far better than I could even imagine. Help me to continue to learn wisdom and never be satisfied with what was learned, but stay curious until I die.

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That reminds me.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“But instead, those sacrifices actually reminded them of their sins year after year. For it is not possible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins. That is why, when Christ came into the world, he said to God, “You did not want animal sacrifices or sin offerings. But you have given me a body to offer.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It is interesting that Hebrews tells us what the old contract, the Law and the new contract, Christ’s own body accomplished – not only what each demanded, but what each fulfilled. Sola Scriptura, scripture interpreting scripture. If we were to listen to the scribes, pharisees and misinformed friends we would believe that parts of the law are still required, never being satisfied or fulfilled. The New Living Translation used the word, cancelled in verse 9. In greek, it says that Jesus’ own body “anaireó,” took up, away, or made an end to the repetitiveness of sacrifices, of guilt, of memories, of our sins.

What about those memories of sin? If I am honest, they are powerfully humiliating, embarrassing and unproductive. Oh, they help to remind me of just how big of a loser I am, but do nothing to keep me free and faithful in the future. Hebrews suggests that we quit rummaging around in the trash of our past, pulling out the old contract along with the many times we broke it and focus on something completely different – Jesus’ words written over every sin and failure, “PAID IN FULL.”

Instead of ruminating in the past and on my sin, I glance at the benefactor who forever banished my debt! I exchange the memories in my head from guilt to grateful. If you’ve ever had a tax lien, an overwhelming hospital or college debt and had someone pay it for you, cancelling the daily or monthly memories of that awful weight, you’d know what this is like. God doesn’t want us waking up every morning feeling like a worthless worm, a daily beggar laden with remorse, but a child of royalty. A child who’s father cleared our bankruptcy and encouraged us to fully live in the freedom of his grace. Be reminded of the Savior not your sin.

Prayer

Dad,
Like every grand story I’ve ever read, you’ve come to rescue me, not constantly remind me of my past faults, failures and sin. It still pangs me to remember or to tell the stories of my past. I try to focus on your promise, and provision of grace. That too takes faith. As much as I want to please you to have faith that moves forward, fulfilling the Kingdom of God, sometimes it takes faith to be reminded of what you’ve already accomplished, even in me! Thank You.