Tag: Correction

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Does God “gentle parent” us?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child. ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Gentle parenting is a current style used by many to positively, affirmingly, understand their child’s behavior and allows them to self-correct. “A parenting style that focuses on empathy, respect, and connection to help children develop strong social skills and emotional intelligence.” And, “Gentle parenting focuses on parenting children without shame, blame, and punishment. This style of parenting centers around collaboration between parents and children.”

The author of Hebrews leans on an ancient Proverb and gives us a practical interpretation, Proverbs 3:11-12. Proverbs ends with this, ”For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” Proverbs uses the Hebrew word for discipline, “yakach,” to decide, adjudge, even to argue! Hebrews uses the Greek word, “paideia,” the rearing of a child, training, discipline, correcting and proving. The Greek has the idea of chastening or purifying. This shows up in verse 13, where the Greek word, “mastigoó,” to scourge, appears. There is just no way around this very strong use of physical pain to be used in training. Does God send “severe pain” in the best eternal interests of the believer?

Anyone who studies the idea of the discipline, even in the context of learning skills, especially in sports, knows that pain is critical in the development of our own muscles! Pain may not be literally delivered in physical whippings or beatings, but life itself frequently delivers warnings in the learning process. When we fall, touch fire or electricity we experience pain! It’s a really good reminder, even an educator, to not repeat the behavior. The focus of the verses, here or in Proverbs, is not really the pain of discipline, it’s the idea that correction, chastening and proving is an act of love! For a parent of a young child to withhold warning, correction, even proper, age appropriate physical pain, to train a child about authority and boundaries would not be love. Proverbs speaks of the reason it is so critical, “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child! “ It is also bound up in the human heart. The Hebrew word for foolishness, “ivveleth,” is from the word, “evil.” Look, if we came out of our mother’s womb with a moral sense of goodness, purity and wisdom, then parenting would hardly be necessary. Ah, but we are not born with an internal sense of good, are we? We use the word for babies referring them as innocent, but that’s just because they are needy and defenseless. It doesn’t take long for any parent to realize they have a self determined will and most, not all, are excited to challenge you.

However, whether you believe in gentle parenting or hard boundaries with gentle, physical consequences for clear challenges from a child, the point is God does discipline us. And, God does so with physical corrections because he loves us. What does it look like? It’s different for every person. I believe that God uses circumstances and even people to deliver His discipline. What have you learned? Have you recognized correction from God? If you wonder what will happen when we purposely continue to choose sin, challenging God with his own loving boundaries, God will step in to keep us on His path.

Prayer

​Dad,
Not only do I believe your Word when you clearly discipline those you love. I have experienced your correction, and have learned to recognize it and respond with confession and repentance. I know it’s for my own good. I know it’s because you are watching, and are actively keeping me accountable because of your faithfulness, patience and love. Thank you for your boundaries, and your discipline! Amen.

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Obedience out of love or fear?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

So Moses returned from the mountain and called together the elders of the people and told them everything the Lord had commanded him. And all the people responded together, “We will do everything the Lord has commanded.” So Moses brought the people’s answer back to the Lord. Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will come to you in a thick cloud, Moses, so the people themselves can hear me when I speak with you. Then they will always trust you.” Moses told the Lord what the people had said. Exodus‬ ‭19‬:‭7‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

These Exodus passages are a great place to think about our human nature, especially when it comes to doing what is right or wrong – obedience to the law or rules for living or doing whatever we please.

Let’s face the facts, the nation of Israel, the chosen people of God, had faced the most intense, supernatural occurrences over several weeks, maybe months, known as the plagues. But, whether the ten plagues lasted forty days or three months, we can be guaranteed that the entire group of Egyptians and Jews went through a living nightmare of horrors. If that wasn’t enough, the mind-blowing phenomenon of a narrow escape across the Red Sea, then a pillar of fire by night and a massive cloud by day led the nation to this holy place called Mount Sinai! It could be said that it was either a glorious or traumatizing set of events. And Moses was at the center of all of it – God’s chosen stutterer, turned super leader in a very brief time.

When Moses came down from the holy mountain and told the people what God had spoken to him, it’s not surprising that they responded together, “we will do everything the Lord has commanded.” They were probably still terrified of Moses’ God. The Bible is very open about the fact that the people DID NOT obey… at least for long. Let’s set aside the fact that God told Moses, the visual, audible show of a cloud with booming noises coming out of it was for a specific reason – so the people would TRUST Moses. Ok, great. But these passages help me ask the question, did the people obey out of fear or love? And, how effective is obedience out of fear verses obedience out of love? You could argue the point that Israel loved God and loved pleasing God. But I offer this, I believe they were re-establishing a relationship with God that had been abandoned since Jacob and his son Joseph led the nation. Heaven had been silent for several hundred years! I don’t think they knew God all that well.

Is obedience out of fear effective? Of course it is! Is obedience out of fear expedient? Yeah, it works pretty quick. Just watch what happens when a Highway Patrol vehicle pulls onto the highway. The speed limit instant becomes every driver’s best friend. But does obedience through fear engage an enduring change of both behavior and heart? Is it not true that love takes longer, but is far more successful for a lifetime of obedience? Ask any Dad, “would you rather your children fear you or love you?” Ah, that’s tricky isn’t it? Fearing your Father for the right reasons, like the ultimate goals of safety, security and delayed success for your future – is a good fear! Ask a Dad if they “would rather their children respect them or love them?” Good Dads, great Dads want BOTH. Why? It’s the best outcome for the child’s sake!

I am not advocating that fear has no place in our obedience to God, it’s just that our relationship must mature to a point where love becomes the primary motivation to do what is right. That’s why God says he prefers obedience over sacrifice. Sacrifice can be faked, obedience can’t. Even, if one doesn’t obey for the right reason, it is still beneficial. Do you know how often I hear my friends express gratitude for their strict parents? Parents that held the line, set the boundaries and corrected their children when they disobeyed. They held those boundaries until the child became an adult – understanding the necessity for rules and even fear-based compliance. I don’t know if you’ve noticed that children and/or youth make some really stupid, even life-threatening mistakes. Some of these “mistakes” have horrible, life-altering consequences – that are permanent.

Shouldn’t maturity and a growth in our understanding of God, drive us to be obedient more out of love than fear? In surrendering to the discipline, the correction of the Holy Spirit, I am yielding – more out of love for God these days, and less out of fear.

Prayer

Dad,
It has certainly not been easy to be raised in more or less, a fatherless home environment. I rarely felt safe, rarely felt loved, valued or protected by a good, loving father figure. That lack of discipline made it much harder to do what is right for the right reason. You know my sense of right and wrong was based on getting caught or getting away with something! It was not helpful at all as a young man. But when I was learning to be obedient and even disciplined out of your love it was both amazing and extremely difficult. Thank you for your long, enduring patience with me. Thank you for your grace still today. You are such a good Father to me and I am eternally grateful.

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Fathers’ discipline & correct.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

”My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.“
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬-‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

In a cultural milieu of anti-patriarchal conversations, the Bible is either out of sync OR it’s timeless truth that shapes our lives, our families and especially our children.

The wisdom book, the eternal expression of God culminating in the life of Jesus, has a lot to say about parenting! Fathers play a significant role in the lives of children- it’s a sociological fact, backed by solid statistics of their influence in the family unit.

What is truly amazing to me is that while doing a sermon series prep, I came across this theme in both the book of Judges (2:19-22), Proverbs (3:11-12), Corinthians (1 Cor. 11:32) and Hebrews (12:5-8). Israel, God’s chosen people, had an awful time cycling in and out of sin and disobedience. God would rescue them, and they would run right back to idols and fake gods, doing despicable things. God would then judge them – harshly, allowing other nations to raid and plunder their cities.

Almost no one wants to talk about discipline or correction, especially as adults! I mean it’s great to talk about it as parents raising children, but who disciplines and corrects adults? God absolutely does! All these Bible verses make it clear – God corrects those he loves and delights in. Hebrews goes further and says, “Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬” BOOM💥! Leaving us alone and to our own selfish ways would mean that God abandons us, proving we were “nothos,” a bastard, illegitimate child!

This is a strong word for parents who feel that they shouldn’t impose their will, their morality, even their beliefs on a child. By NOT doing so they are showing a disinterest, a disdain for the child’s welfare in their future. This nonsense that a child should choose morality or beliefs for themselves is a damnable lie, destroying a foundation that allows a child to feel safe and know they are loved! A child cannot and should not “raise” themselves!

Fathers, keep correcting your child because you love them and delight in them. Adults, know this; God isn’t mad at us when he corrects us. He purposely roadblocks our drive to get what we think we want – when it’s clearly wrong. God loves us and delights in us when he brings in someone or something to knock us off our destructive path. I try so hard to ACCEPT, not reject the Lord’s discipline, knowing that is for my own good!

Prayer

Dad,
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between being harassed by the enemy of my soul OR being disciplined because of my bad choices. I depend on the Holy Spirit to pinpoint the issue. And, when I realize it’s because of some dumb, selfish decision I made – clearly SIN, I repent and yield to whatever you bring as consequences for my actions. It’s hard, but I know that you love me. I am so thankful you don’t let me wander off or storm off too far before you send a little pain and struggle my way to humble me and get me back on the right path. I am so grateful for your grace and mercy towards me. Amen.

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The Jesus process of correction.

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18‬:‭15‬-‭17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

WARNING! NSFC – not safe for church

By now we are painfully aware that we are ALL sinners! The religious, the puritan, the pagan – we’ve all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory! Jesus’ words are not a matter of a saint correcting a sinner. This is a believer, a Christ follower, reconciling to another of the same. This is a sinner to sinner situation. Jesus, being perfect, holds the authority to tell us how this should be done.

The steps are simple enough.

  1. A believer sins against you. Ah, but defining “sin” in a church culture is tricky, right? Is it a sin, sin – or a religious preference of opinion? Sins are fairly defined unless we make up non-Biblical offenses, then it becomes super awkward. Someone cheats you, defrauds you or spreads a lie about you…that’s a sin. Someone wears stylishly shredded blue jeans with holes in them to church on Sunday… that is NOT a sin. Having a “sin” conversation about one is very different to having one about the other. Let’s continue.
  2. Go privately. The whole idea is reconciliation between two believers. It’s not a public matter at this point. I find it interesting that Jesus comments AFTER this process and mentions some insight about how God feels about proper behavior and a sense of unity within the community of faith. Jesus uses two examples that we have forever taken completely out of context!
    • One, the idea of “binding” and “loosing.” Whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever we loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. What in the world is Jesus talking about? And why have preachers forever used this verse to represent agreement on casting out demons or claiming cash as a blessing from God? Maybe we should look into this verse a little more for ourselves. One of my favorite commentaries believes, “It has to do with admission to and rejection from the membership of the Church.” Whoa! Another suggests that it is more than an “ecclesiastical authority,” it’s a disciple’s authority to deal with sin – thus power to forgive! It is certainly not a freedom to bind or loose whatever we want!
    • Two, Jesus also lets us in on this beautiful truth, that has also been twisted and tweaked beyond its intent. The power of Jesus presence! Jesus remind us that this process of correction and reconciliation is so important that He promises that the outcome can be extraordinarily supernatural. “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them” (18‬:‭19‬-‭20‬). This agreement to settle a grievance is godly, it is holy. And to prove it, Jesus says, when we do things God’s way and not our own – BOOM – Jesus himself is present! This isn’t about a church gathering folks, it’s about the difficult, nitty-gritty grind of reconciling sin!!! It is so powerful and so healthy and good that Jesus personally adjudicates the interaction Himself! So it must be about someone really sinning against us. And, it must be done privately, at first. If there is no confession, no remorse, no admission to SIN, then and only then, can we bring in others to witness and confirm the situation. There’s even a fourth step, if it’s a sin, confronted privately, then with two or three others and there is still no change in owning the sin, no change in behavior, then the church is to be informed that we love a person enough to not allow them to fellowship with us. We give no opportunity to let someone fake their Christianity among us by ignoring, mineralizing or normalizing sin! Jesus basically says, let them go live their life as they please, be it a pagan or corrupt tax collector. They have been put out of the gathering, the fellowship.

We dislike this whole concept of confrontation, confession and correction that we just throw out Jesus words here in these verses. Oh, the words are still there and they are true, but it is so difficult for us to follow, that we just pretend they don’t exist. And, if for a moment you think, “well, as a pastor, you should be the one to obey it.” Or, “as a pastor, you should make us follow the words of Jesus!” Right. That’s worked so well over the past couple thousand years.

These are the rules of faith and behavior as BELIEVERS, as followers of Jesus. We all have the responsibility to listen and obey. This is another reason we have so many problems and issues within the church. This is why we lack unity – because we lack obedience to the Lord’s commands. We have 40,000+ denominations, all fractured and fragmented because we don’t follow the rules of restoration! Instead of obeying the words of Jesus, we have dysfunctional workarounds, subverting God’s will. We triangulate (securing others for our case and cause) and gossip, spreading poison and infecting others. We stay in our churches holding onto bitterness, grudges and un-reconciled relationships. OR, we pickup our spiritual toys and move to another church to start the process all over again. It’s embarrassing! All because I won’t tell you privately, you sinned against me – you hurt me, and I love you and God enough, to tell you. We can do better, right? I know… It starts with me.

Prayer

​Dad,
What can I say? I’m horrible at this. This is so difficult to practice. I have excused my lack of faith and obedience in this area for far too long. Forgive me. Help me, not just hear your Word, but obey it! Amen.

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Value people for the win.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“So watch yourselves! “If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive. Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.” Luke‬ ‭17:3-4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Jesus, in “red letter words” talks openly about sin. He does not do so as often as you might think. But here Luke records Jesus talking about it with some warnings. Seventeen opens with, “There will always be temptations to sin….” Then after reminding us that being a temptER is worse, Jesus lays out the warning, “watch yourselves!” What a thought. We spend a lot more time and energy watching OTHERS do their sin, than we do our own sin. It makes laugh when Jesus says, “IF” another sins. I think it’s more like “when,” right Jesus? 😬

Jesus uses this word that we have all kinds of stereotypes built around – REBUKE. Don’t we rebuke demons and our dogs? Sounds pretty harsh, right? It’s the word itself that fascinates me.

The Greek construction of this word is NOT match the imagery. The word is epitimaó: to honor, to mete out due measure, hence to censure. Properly, assign value as is fitting the situation, building on (Gk epi) the situation to correct (re-direct).

Its fundamental sense is “warning to prevent something from going wrong.” Think about this. The word comes from two words, epi: on, upon and timaó: to fix the value, estimate. We’d recognize the word timaó because it comes from the word “time.” So this often seen as judgmental word is really a deep sense of valuing someone to help point out serious consequences completely in the framework of timing! In my granddaughter’s preschool class, her teacher has a “red choice” vs “green choice” system to help the children understand choices they already made. That they were helpful or not helpful, kind or unkind. But what if they had a “yellow choice” indicator just BEFORE the behavior happened? The timing of the yellow choice warning or “rebuke” would be seen as a helpful, valuable, even a loving action.

It’s not an example of sin, but it would be much like Robin warning me, while driving, when she’s sees a pedestrian coming into the crosswalk as I’m about to make a turn. Her warning, her “rebuke” is a timely and valued moment that prevents me from hitting, thus hurting another.

Notice the order in which Jesus gives us this wisdom of God. If another believer sins (clearly just for Christ followers) – it’s already happened. The timely and valued warning is helpful for breaking a pattern that will absolutely lead to relationship breeches between us and God and us with one another! I think that’s why Jesus chases that truth with this. “Even if it happens seven times a day.” Well, there’s a fine “terrible two’s” scenario! I have to be vigilant and consistent MORE THAN ONCE. Yep. Oh, I hear you. If you were to say, “but what if they (we) don’t WANT those timely and valued warnings when they (we) are in process or planning of SIN! And, you’d be right. The warning, the rebuke, even when spoken in grace, is often taken as controlling or judging or even meddling in our private affairs.

Ah, that’s why we really don’t like the word! There’s a real possibility of someone flashing the yellow choice option, but they (we) REALLY want to ignore it. BTW, when Jesus says, “if” there is repentance, think of it in terms of not just being sorry… sorry would not have helped me or the person I hit in the crosswalk. The best way to look at repentance is exactly what the word means – metanoeó, “change one’s mind.” Thus, changing one’s behavior.

Prayer

Dad,
It seems like this conversation of unity, cooperation, mutual benefit and trust are much more difficult in a divided culture and specifically a community of believers. How can we trust each other to handle our lives, decisions and behaviors with this timely, valued warning? Most of the body of Christ perceives that “judging” anyone or anything is wrong and should be avoided. This makes rebuking almost impossible without massive drama and blowback. Have we, have I, isolated ourselves into a dark corner of self where we are not just alone in our sin, but also alone in seeing the blind spots we all have?This is really a sad situation we’ve gotten into. Will you help us (me) to remember that you know what you’re talking about and trust you in your eternal wisdom? Even when this whole topic feels like we are walking on eggshells, and fearing co-dependent reactions?