Does God “gentle parent” us?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child. ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Gentle parenting is a current style used by many to positively, affirmingly, understand their child’s behavior and allows them to self-correct. “A parenting style that focuses on empathy, respect, and connection to help children develop strong social skills and emotional intelligence.” And, “Gentle parenting focuses on parenting children without shame, blame, and punishment. This style of parenting centers around collaboration between parents and children.”

The author of Hebrews leans on an ancient Proverb and gives us a practical interpretation, Proverbs 3:11-12. Proverbs ends with this, ”For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” Proverbs uses the Hebrew word for discipline, “yakach,” to decide, adjudge, even to argue! Hebrews uses the Greek word, “paideia,” the rearing of a child, training, discipline, correcting and proving. The Greek has the idea of chastening or purifying. This shows up in verse 13, where the Greek word, “mastigoó,” to scourge, appears. There is just no way around this very strong use of physical pain to be used in training. Does God send “severe pain” in the best eternal interests of the believer?

Anyone who studies the idea of the discipline, even in the context of learning skills, especially in sports, knows that pain is critical in the development of our own muscles! Pain may not be literally delivered in physical whippings or beatings, but life itself frequently delivers warnings in the learning process. When we fall, touch fire or electricity we experience pain! It’s a really good reminder, even an educator, to not repeat the behavior. The focus of the verses, here or in Proverbs, is not really the pain of discipline, it’s the idea that correction, chastening and proving is an act of love! For a parent of a young child to withhold warning, correction, even proper, age appropriate physical pain, to train a child about authority and boundaries would not be love. Proverbs speaks of the reason it is so critical, “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child! “ It is also bound up in the human heart. The Hebrew word for foolishness, “ivveleth,” is from the word, “evil.” Look, if we came out of our mother’s womb with a moral sense of goodness, purity and wisdom, then parenting would hardly be necessary. Ah, but we are not born with an internal sense of good, are we? We use the word for babies referring them as innocent, but that’s just because they are needy and defenseless. It doesn’t take long for any parent to realize they have a self determined will and most, not all, are excited to challenge you.

However, whether you believe in gentle parenting or hard boundaries with gentle, physical consequences for clear challenges from a child, the point is God does discipline us. And, God does so with physical corrections because he loves us. What does it look like? It’s different for every person. I believe that God uses circumstances and even people to deliver His discipline. What have you learned? Have you recognized correction from God? If you wonder what will happen when we purposely continue to choose sin, challenging God with his own loving boundaries, God will step in to keep us on His path.

Prayer

​Dad,
Not only do I believe your Word when you clearly discipline those you love. I have experienced your correction, and have learned to recognize it and respond with confession and repentance. I know it’s for my own good. I know it’s because you are watching, and are actively keeping me accountable because of your faithfulness, patience and love. Thank you for your boundaries, and your discipline! Amen.

Rule Followers?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life.”‭‭ Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Alright, I can admit this right up front. I’m not a great rule follower. I try to justify it by my own origin story being a chaotic mess, our blended-family lacking the basics of safety, consistency and definitely boundaries. At some point I had to face reality – rules, laws and boundaries are good and I missed out and messed up by not understanding that. It didn’t help much that before Jesus, I had no guilt triggers either.

There are so many lessons to be learned from these books of the law. One big one, God, being the creator, gets to set the rules. We, as the created, do not. That’s a hard one for us. In our humanness there is a massive, “I get to be my own god” syndrome. The other huge lesson is so practical, so pragmatic – if we obey, we will enjoy a long life. I guess it’s parenthetic that we don’t agree with God on what the “good life” looks like.

I look at the ten commandments from my past non-churchgoer perspective. They are not that hard to understand or obey. It seems the biggest issue is a perceived loss of autonomy. For example, God says, “take a day off and give it a rest,” to which we say, “I don’t want to.” Just below these demands to obedience comes an even stricter law – “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.” Notice both the absolute, declarative truth – The Lord IS our God, the Lord ALONE,” and the following mandate… “you MUST.” God was not gentle parenting here! There was no, “I would suggest,” or “It’s in your best interest to.” And, we find no echo from God’s children (Israel) asking… “WHY God?” Isn’t it obvious? Because God said so!

I think God puts up with plenty of “why’s” from us, and He is so long suffering and patient towards us. “Why did I get cancer?,” “Why did he leave me?,” “Why did my child die?,” “Why don’t you give me a house, car, job, money, or success?” Ask away, no problem. But on the matter of who God is and will He be shared with other fake deities? Absolutely not.

There are far more than just boundaries and truth in these rules that come from the character of who God is. There is safety, security, hope, love, assurance and complete confidence in our obedience to God. Would you really want God to be more like us? For God to be duplicitous, fickle, selfish and ultimately undependable? That’s just silly. We need God to be God over all, over everything – over us. And, we need to quit pretending that our versions of God would be much better. God knows what He’s doing, so let Him do it – ultimately it’s in our favor!

Prayer

Dad,
Even knowing your ways are above my own. Even knowing your will is right and good, beyond my own understanding and expectation. Even knowing that, I still see rebellion rising within me. I still feel the tug of sin which is determined to find a different way, a better way, a faster way to get what I want, when want it. I want to obey, but I struggle in submitting to your way of doing life! Help me, Oh Lord. Forgive me, Oh God. Your way, your will, be done in me and through me.