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The less I know, the better?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭131‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The longer I live, the less I know. Of course faulty and forgotten memories play a part, but it’s more than that. The game to be played and won is just not as important now. It’s no longer a push or a rush to be first, to win at all costs and to be the brightest and smartest in the room. Is that just a game for youth? I certainly don’t have much to prove anymore!

Oh, but there is one thing I do know and still hold onto – I don’t need to know everything. And I am absolutely learning that I don’t have control over much at all. Circumstances? Nope. People. Nope. Economy. Ha, no way. Outcomes of elections, senate bills or supreme court decisions. Definitely not. The Church or the local church? Nope, I am not a prophet, nor the son of a prophet!

This psalm was put in the book late in David’s life. It’s titled “pilgrim’s ascent,” but it’s really his reflections, looking back over the span of a complicated, tumultuous, successful life. I just want to hug these two amazing lines out of this psalm. “I don’t concern myself…” oh, what truth. With matters too great, or too awesome for me to grasp. There it is! Years of wisdom finally spoken in moments of blissful truth.

David’s anecdote to the poison of worry and control… “I have calmed and quieted myself.” This from a guy who saw more, lived more, had more money and more power than I will ever see. This from his humble, field beginnings, to one of the most powerful men of ancient times. My simple faith and trust in God and Him alone should suffice, it must, if I am to finish well.

If you are in your angsty thirties, or your self-aware forties, listen to David’s godly advice. Practice this: Do not concern yourself with matters beyond your control or too complicated to even begin to understand! Trust God. Obey God. This will bring a calm quietness to your soul. When peace like a river attendeth your way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever your lot, God hast taught you to say, “It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Prayer

Dad,
Reading one of David’s later psalms has given me hope. I don’t have to know or control everything. I simply must know you. I think about Paul’s powerful words to “know Christ and the power of His resurrection.” I should be far more content and at ease knowing that you know! You know me. You know everything. And, there is a peace that comes with the confidence that you are working all things out for good, mine and everyone else’s good, for those who know you, and have faith in you. What a mental relief to my soul! Thank you for all that you have done and all you are doing in my life today.

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Out-tricking truth.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Then what’s the advantage of being a Jew? Is there any value in the ceremony of circumcision? Yes, there are great benefits! First of all, the Jews were entrusted with the whole revelation of God. True, some of them were unfaithful; but just because they were unfaithful, does that mean God will be unfaithful? Of course not! Even if everyone else is a liar, God is true. As the Scriptures say about him, “You will be proved right in what you say, and you will win your case in court.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Jews are the chosen people of God, the deal was made a few millennia ago with Abram. Ever since that time, they have made religion a high level profession. Who better to try to outsmart, out maneuver God? They believed they could convince God they were perfect, sinless because they “kept” the law.

Paul, who is Jewish, and a former Pharisee himself, explains their foolishness in this idea. Circumcision, for example, was a physical mark of dedication to God, but it did not make them perfect, not even a little. Then, Paul masterfully walks them through how all people are under the “power of sin.” No work, no act, no effort could ever be enough to break that power and erase the infractions of sin.

It is wild to me that people still believe that actions or behaviors are still the only way to heaven. People, who deeply care about a sense of right and wrong, still struggle to figure out how many kind or good acts does it require to be made right with God and gain eternity? And obviously, there are others who get frustrated trying. They just push past their conscience and “sin-it-up!” Paul addressed this in v5-8. Just giving up altogether risks the hardening of our hearts towards God! This makes it harder and harder to hear the Spirit of God helping us make good choices not to sin.

The old evangelism explosion question was, “if you were to die today and stand before God and He asks you, ‘why should I let you into heaven’? Folks still try to justify or prove they are worthy by talking about the good things they’ve done or by comparing that they are not as evil as the next person. The belief in Jesus, the faith required is that Jesus is the only perfection possible. And, through Him, we are accepted before God and set on a path towards heaven. It is faith alone, it has always been faith in God’s way. It’s not our goodness or even attempts at being good. It is has nothing to do with us better better than the next person. This is the gospel, the good news. Even the chosen people of God (Jews) must come to Him through faith in the Messiah, Jesus.

Prayer

Dad,
I am not only well aware of my sin, I am also aware of my ideals of perfection in me and others. Any goodness that comes out of me is because of you. And anytime I choose to use myself as the standard of goodness as compared to others is just rubbish! It is Christ and Christ alone! My life is hidden within His perfection. And for others, I just want them to see you in my life.

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Winter is passing, spring is arriving!

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My lover is like a swift gazelle or a young stag. Look, there he is behind the wall, looking through the window, peering into the room. My lover said to me, “Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one! Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!” ‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭2‬:‭8‬-‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

If someone were to ask me to summarize the book of “Song of Solomon,” I would point them to experts who have tried to unravel the mystery and controversy of this book. The book was included in “official” version of what biblical scholars call the “authorized text.” And, it is included in the Bible we have today. But, even still, no one can really tell us why it made it! The Jews listed it among their writings as poetry and wisdom. Most current pastors and teachers try not to use the book in any serious theological understanding of God, or practical application to our lives. It is often sidelined to marriage retreats or shock-n-awe value for single adult groups. It has been given whispered warning labels, NSFK (not safe for kids), among parents and kid’s pastors. The Bible Knowledge Commentary writes, “The Song of Songs is perhaps the most difficult and mysterious book in the entire Bible. A cursory glance at the Song’s history of interpretation reveals a diversity of opinion unequaled in the study of any other biblical work. The Song has been interpreted as: (a) an allegory, (b) an extended type, (c) a drama involving either two or three main characters, (d) a collection of Syrian wedding songs, (e) a collection of pagan fertility cult liturgies and (f) an anthology of disconnected songs extolling human love.” That said, it is lovely read, filled with beauty and wonder-words that are perfect to peruse on a summer morning! ​

“A Song of Springtime. This beautiful song describes the young maiden watching her beloved come to her. He calls her to join him in the countryside, where the winter has passed and the new life of spring can be seen in the land. The beauty of young love here is likened to the blossoming forth of fresh life and fragrance that characterizes Palestine in spring.” *Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible.

This also reminds me of an amazing allegorical work, C.S. Lewis’, the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The white witch had cast a evil season of permanent winter. It was so long and so harsh that the people of Narnia practically forgot there were EVER any other seasons to be seen. Winter has often represented death. However, in our natural seasons it always gives way to spring, summer, then fall.

In the allegorical parallel, the same goes for the young maid who waits for her love to return. And, he arrives just in time for the full swing of love, beauty, song, smells and sounds of spring. I am reminded, as culturally dark as it may feel, winter is but a season. And Jesus, who wields power over all that exists, is coming back – soon. And with him, he will bring a spring so glorious, so beautifully bountiful that we will forget all about the long harsh season of death and will embrace him and God’s kingdom of heaven here on earth.

Prayer

Dad,
It’s summer now, at least as seasons go. But in reality, in our world, it feels an awful lot like winter. Our souls are weary. Our spirit is holding on to hope that you are coming. Not in the coming of the rapture, the parousia, the catching away. No, that you are coming with another revolution. To pour out your spirit on searching flesh. Would you once again speak, giving dreams, visions and words directly to those who have not just tasted the lies, but swallowed them and are re-distributing them to the innocent, the unaware! Have mercy on us Oh God. Bring spring, let your love sweep across land like a husband racing towards his beloved bride. Come quickly Lord Jesus, we wait for you.

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People are a messy business.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14‬:‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The humor, candor and wisdom of Proverbs has always impressed and challenged me – my entire Christian life! Knowing that the entire book is a direct reflection on God’s character, the image of Jesus makes complete sense. God created humans out of chaos. And, our sin, our choices brings daily chaos into our lives and the greater blue globe we live on as well.

This Proverb is totally about us and the stable is the world in which we live. No people, no crazy, no mess. People = messiness. A dear friend and former pastor-boss quoted this Proverb constantly while dealing with the never ending messes, damage and drama in the church building. He would let us decorate the auditorium for kid’s events, plastering massive themed partyware everywhere. And staples, oh, we must have used hundreds of thousands over the years. We trashed the pristine sanctity of the sanctuary. You know what he said about it? He just quoted this verse! “Without oxen, a stable stays clean.” I always enjoyed the object-lesson picture in my mind of hundreds of oxen and the “mess” they must leave behind! But, oh, doth the oxen doeth the work! Hundreds if not thousands, over the years experienced God in a fun, wild atmosphere within the church building!

Would we have the church, or our own lives, for that matter, reflect more of a mortuary/morgue atmosphere? Where the dead are super clean and oh so quiet? I’m might be so inclined to tweak the Proverb to say, “without children, a house stays clean.” Or, “without people, the church stays clean,” as well. Kids are messy, youth are messy and we might as well admit it, adults are messy too. We may look all neat and tidy on the outside, but inside we have the seething brew of conflicts, comparisons and complications of adulting! If you ever wondered why the Church is a place of pandemonium, look no further than our own hearts.

Amidst all the chaos and clutter of humanity, God so loved us and redeemed us to be His advocates, His ambassadors, His reconcilers in this grand field of life. So yeah, we get a whole lot of messy, but with the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us we get a heck of a lot of Godly work done as well. So be strong and courageous my fellow oxen! Put on that easy yoke of Jesus and experience the joy of working in God’s field of humanity!

Prayer

Dad,
Put me in coach! Yoke me up and put me to work. Thank you for helping us keep a very busy, massively messy stable clean. I appreciate every bit of chaotic life that comes with being a human. Especially knowing that your grace is greater than the messes I create in myself and others. Thank you for creating me, redeeming me and putting me in the field to work the harvest of souls who are desperately in need of you.

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Listen to the Korahashians.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Come, see the glorious works of the Lord: See how he brings destruction upon the world. He causes wars to end throughout the earth. He breaks the bow and snaps the spear; he burns the shields with fire. “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46‬:‭8‬-‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The sons of Korah bring this Psalm with specific instructions to sing it in soprano voices. It is about the victory of ​Jehoshaphat celebrated in the valley of Berachah (blessing). This Psalm of victory is a picture of the young king (35yrs old) steering the nation back to God, remembering who really fights and wins the battles.

I love the bold proclamation that is themed throughout the Old Testament-“be still and know that I am God.” It is followed with this truth: God will be honored by every nation and throughout the world! It was true then, it is still true today. God is at work! How helpful is it to be reminded of this? Us in our postmodern era of science, intellectualism and social snobbery. We start believing the cultural nonsense: “if there was a god, he is far off and completely disconnected from us.” We’ve suppressed the reality of spiritual happenings, even denying that we are spiritual beings ourselves.

Who’s wiser, Jehoshaphat and the sons of Korah, who believes, or our modern windbags preaching for us to look within and find our own god-ness? It’s embarrassing that the ancients were more in tune with reality than we are today! The Korahashians were far more reliable than the Kardashians! The ending refrain was sung back in response to these declarations and we would do well to remember it today – “The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.” Look up, God is at work among us.

Prayer

Dad,
It is too easy to just look at all the things happening in our world today and to think that we are alone. To believe that no one is in control of the chaos of wars, physical and cultural. But we know better. Those who know you, love you and follow you understand that you are at work redeeming humans. Yes, there is an adversary, the liar, the slanderer. And, there is our own evil pursuits, bent on making our own happiness and purpose outside of your will. Neither of those will succeed. You will be victorious in all pursuits to accomplish your will and we can celebrate that fact! Thank you for being active and working in and through us today.

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Following the voice of God

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. Those people belong to this world, so they speak from the world’s viewpoint, and the world listens to them. But we belong to God, and those who know God listen to us. If they do not belong to God, they do not listen to us. That is how we know if someone has the Spirit of truth or the spirit of deception.” 1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭4‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

John uses his position and authority to help us, warn us, about who we should be listening to and who we should not be listening to.

In the earlier verses John writes clearly, “DO NOT listen to those who believe that Jesus wasn’t a real human being.” Jesus was fully God and fully human. The early Church not only argued several positions about Christ’s divinity and his humanity, but the Church did so for about 500 years after his death!

John was laying down a baseline – any denial of both divine or human is not worth listening to – period (‭‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭2‬). But wait, there’s more.

John takes a position and helps us build a decision-grid, not only of truth, but of following the voice of God. God gave you and me His own Spirit, living and active in our lives because we have made a declaration of faith in Jesus. This Spirit of truth is enough to help us lean in and listen to God about ANYTHING we struggle with, any question we may have about faith and obedience. John writes, “The Spirit within is GREATER than the spirit of the world.” This is helpful in knowing the truth and yielding to Christ. I’m not sure how effective it is in knowing the truth and telling other nonbelievers of Jesus how they should live their lives.

John doesn’t really use the phrase, “those people,” that’s a clarification found in the NLT version of the Bible. John simply writes, “they” referring to those who do not believe nor yet belong to God. “They,” belong to this world. They speak from the world’s viewpoint and it is the world that listens to them. At this point it sounds like John is describing an “us versus them” situation, like one of us are aliens! Well, that’s not too far off.

There is a spirit of the world (kosmos) and it is different and from the Spirit of Christ. The world order is not only based on the idea of “original sin,” where there was a chasm created between God and humans based on disobedience and the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:15-17). There is also a real enemy, the slanderer (liar, deceiver) who was thrown out of heaven and down to earth’s domain (Isaiah 14:12–14, Ezekiel 28:12–18, Luke 10:18 & Revelation 12:7–12). The Apostle Paul tells us that satan is in fact the god of this world and has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe (2 Corinthians 4:4).

Here’s the summary: There are quite a few voices to listen to and it’s important to know the difference between them and make decisions based on only one of them! There’s a voice inside our head which gets pretty loud and often confusing. There’s the voice of others Godly or worldly. There’s the voice of the slanderer himself, thwarting and twisting everything. And there is the voice of the Holy Spirit, God himself. Wow. Simple, right?

John’s advice, which is Godly wisdom, is to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, who WILL LEAD US (and is greater – mega good). He also says we can, and should, listen to the voice of the Spirit of God coming from a trusted believer. Paul uses this helpful phrase in Romans 8:16, “The Spirit of God bears witness with our spirit,” Saying, it’s a match and it’s trustworthy. That same principle is applied when we are speaking into one another’s lives in helpful ways with affirmation, encouragement and sometimes even admonishment (gentle correction). We CAN hear from God and from one another. Clearly, John wants us to know that this whole idea of hearing from God and listening to the Holy Spirit is helpful, but it becomes critical when deciding about TRUTH. Is it the Spirit of truth or is it the spirit of deception? Spirit of God or spirit of the world? I also believe that God has given every living soul a conscience of right and wrong, that’s a topic for another time. Know this: you can hear and be led by the voice of God through the Holy Spirit!

Prayer

Dad,
The only way I discovered how to listen and discern your voice was to read Your Word, listen and obey your Holy Spirit! Both took discipline and practice. It was not simple at all. It took time and patience. It was filled with joy and grief. Getting it right, learning to be obedient and trusting you was not easy. Yet through years of practice (and still today) it has helped me to truly discern your Spirit from the spirit of deception. And oftentimes, in hindsight, I discovered I had been thrown off by my own desires, voices of others and flat out lies when trusting the wrong person! It has not been a perfect process, but it has built trust and faith in you. It has also built some confidence and boldness when I had to choose you over all other voices. I am thankful that your Spirit in me is greater than the spirit of this world.

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Good Guilt

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Fools make fun of guilt, but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.” Proverbs‬ ‭14‬:‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is a tricky one to translate no matter what version of the Bible you use. The Hebrew words and phrases are deeply embedded in cultural and have nuanced ways of using words in context. Not to get too deep in Hebrew here, because I am a complete novice at this. However, many of the tools to study the Bible are super useful.

There are a few fascinating words used in this text. One is the word, translated in NLT as guilt is the word, asham: offense, guilt. Strong’s concordance straight out translates this as the word “sin,” because it is often used in that way.

Keeping that in mind, the other word is translated as fools but the actual Hebrew word is evil: אֱוִיל. Hold on. That’s not our word evil, it’s a Hebrew word meaning a fool. There are four different words for the word fool in Proverbs and this one is used 19 times. It means to be perverse; (fig.) silly. This person (perverse fool) mocks or scorns guilt, offense or sin, believing it to be useless.

Do you know anyone who has convinced themselves they should not feel guilty for anything because they declare any sense of wrong to be a false moral construct. They believe guilt or sin is a made up, social restraint! This ancient text, the Bible, God’s wisdom, disagrees and WARNS the fool about it. But the upright do not mock guilt they see it as the Hebrew word “ratson,” or “favorable and accept it.” I love the fact that the New Living Translation translates “ratson” into the phrase, “seek reconciliation,” as this idea of favorable acceptance.

We are in a cultural crisis of passive/aggressive behavioral patterns in our relationships and work hard to completely AVOID any perceived confrontation or conflict. This is whether we caused it or were the recipient of it! We are all avoiding reconciliation! We’ve allowed many of our relationships, deep or shallow to become soured and embittered, littered with blame and ghosting.

We are, in fact, playing the Biblical fool by ignoring wisdom’s life giving advice. Wisdom tells me to embrace the offense or guilt, favorably accepting it because, for one, it’s shredding our ability to form and keep healthy relationships. Have I offended or hurt someone? I should own it and say I’M SORRY, and ask for forgiveness. Has someone offended or hurt me? I should see it as an opportunity to value the friendship enough to tell them it hurt! That is still a form of favorably accepting their offense and seeking reconciliation. The aim is to repair, not ignore, to love, not run away.

Love demands that we promptly and maturely handle each other as Christ handles us! God’s wisdom works every time. I need to quit playing the fool, whether it’s my hurtful words towards someone or my bruised ego because of what others said. I want to be godly, to reconcile and restore those relationships I value so much.

Prayer

Dad,
Your Word is truly a lamp for my feet and a light on the path to wisdom and life itself. I am so thankful that you cut through the nonsense of my thinking to confront the brutal facts, the radical candor of how life works. You have designed this life to be experienced in all beauty and wonder and yet I still attempt to manipulate the rules to suit myself. I am humbled by Proverbs and hope to fulfill its intent to make me wise and not play the fool.

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Little experience, big expectations.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Jesus sent out the twelve apostles with these instructions: “Don’t go to the Gentiles or the Samaritans, but only to the people of Israel—God’s lost sheep. Go and announce to them that the Kingdom of Heaven is near. Heal the sick, raise the dead, cure those with leprosy, and cast out demons. Give as freely as you have received!” Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭5‬-‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This seems to be Jesus’ leadership development plan. We want more training, more time. Jesus wants us to have more faith.

Faith is more for than just things we’ve hoped for, it’s on the job training, it’s experience in action. It’s doing, not just thinking. It’s Ignatius Loyola’s mantra to “live with one foot raised.” It’s Home Depot’s slogan, “How doers get more done.” One person writes, “John’s Gospel never uses the noun (“faith, belief”) πίστις (pistis), but only the verb (“to believe; to trust”). πιστεύω (pisteuō). Faith in the gospel of John is a verb, not a noun.”

Here in Matthew, when Jesus said, “go,” no one misunderstands or confuses the word “go” with anything like, “think about going,” or “plan on going,” or “eventually, you should go.” That’s hilarious- go means go!

In Season 3 of the series, “The Chosen,” Dallas Jenkins has this scene in Episode 2, “two by two.” The episode captures the reality of this moment we read here. The disciples are all in shock, dumbfounded! Jesus gives the itinerary ToDo list, saying, “this is what you will be DOING.” Heal the sick. Raise the dead. Cure those with skin diseases. And….dramatic drumroll please, CAST OUT DEMONS. Everyone has questions. In The Chosen episode, he answers them. However, here in the text he does not answer them. Matthew just dutifully writes, “Jesus sent out.”

I remind myself, Jesus fully intended his followers to completely emulate everything he did himself through the power of the Holy Spirit. I know, we are all a little rusty at some of these commands, er… opportunities. Heal. Raise, Cast out. Whew. I need more training? For what? I need more time? Why? Oh, because in my mind, in my experience, I AM THE ONE EMPOWERING these commands. That is completely ridiculous. I can’t heal, raise or cast out anything. However, Matthew told me in 10:1, “Jesus called his twelve disciples together and gave them authority to cast out evil spirits and to heal every kind of disease and illness.” Of course I knew you and I would gravitate towards the excuse clause, “called his twelve disciples.” I am not, you are not, in the original twelve apostles group, so none of this applies to us, right? Sure, I can rest thinking that’s my out. But if I believe that as an excuse, it means all those other cool promises are only for the people Jesus originally spoke to back in ancient days. Even the blessings? Promises? Yeah, you’d have to scratch those as well.

When Jesus also said, “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father” John 14:12. He didn’t mean, really mean, anyone, right? Wrong. He did mean anyone who believes. Anyone who is a follower of Jesus. They have the authority of Christ, under the direction of the Holy Spirit to do the works of God here, now, on this planet. How much of the Holy Spirit do I need to be obedient? It’s not about quantity or quality of God’s presence in me. It’s about this verb, believe (pisteuō) like John wrote. It’s about the faith verb, not about faith noun! It’s about more doing, less waiting. Experience is an excellent instructor of faith. Let’s just believe and do.

Prayer

Dad,
This idea of DOING faith, verses just having faith, haunts me and excites me. I think big thoughts and sometimes even talk big faith, ah, but doing it… No wonder you sent them off in twos. I’ve been with friends when either their faith or mine is boosted when we have done things together. Alone, in doing faith, is no fun! However, if I can’t find a faith buddy, I so want to just do it on my own sometimes. I have got to quick thinking an pd writing about this and just DO IT. Help me. Thanks for your encouragement and patience.

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Some things you just never forget.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you. With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭86‬:‭11‬-‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

King David, former shepherd, former Saul’s melody-muse, former man-on-the-run, reflects on his past as much as he does his future. From humble fields to giant-killer fame, to promised heir-apparent, David lived the full gamut of a colorful life. But in those bold snapshots of highs and lows there is a common theme – he always loved God and wanted to please him.

From his confident bravado on the battlefield, and awkward patience waiting for Saul to die a natural death. His rise to power, and then colossal failure as a man, a husband and leader. He always held onto his relationship with God. It’s admirable to understand that God wanted us to know so much about this man. It feels so authentic to see the circuitous paths it took to get David to be a “man after God’s heart,” and be able to judge his behaviors thousands of years later.

This psalm, in the book of Psalms, was inserted towards the end of David’s life. It reminds me of this struggle to be a faulty human AND be good. Not just momentarily human or situationally good, but to be both over a lifetime. Who really can judge us properly? Who can see the totality of earnest desire to be pure, to be good, yet consistently fail at it. What small slice would be observed in my life, or yours? The good slice of a worthy moment, where I served, loved and chose well? Or the humiliating one, where I selfishly or angrily lost my sense of perspective and choose poorly? Which moment would I chose to be remembered by, judged by? The good of course!

David’s prayer encourages me to keep choosing to believe, to pray like this psalm, “teach me, grant me purity of heart… so that I may honor God.” I too must hold on to the moments God rescued me, saved me. But I must also hold on to the moments where I made good choices, not bad. Moments where I pursued God, not failed him. So that I can also praise God will ALL my heart.

Prayer

Dad,
To be human means that I carry both memories of wretched failure and soaring sainthood. Through all the moments of highs and lows, you were always there. Whether proud or patient, you saw it all. In fact you see the beginning, the present and tomorrow all in an eternal moment of now! You see my choices tomorrow and how my life here eventually comes to an end. After all that is sorted, I hope you know that I do love you and I am so very grateful for everything you’ve done in my life. Your mercy and kindness to me has been overwhelming and unending. Thank you.

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It wasn’t a religious experience, it was relationship experience

Reading Time: 4 minutes

How important is spirituality in your life?

I get the non-descriptive word, “spirituality.” I’m hoping that it reveals the truth that we are spiritual beings. I had little experience with religion or even spirituality. I had a whole bunch of experience with chaos, broken family issues, multiple divorced parents, parental addictions and suicide.

I don’t know how many of you remember a reality TV show called, Jerry Springer Show, but that was kind of the wild emotional ride of my childhood. I’ve had two moms and three dads. My bio mom & dad met possibly coming out of a rehab program. I never saw my birth mother. My birth dad and grandfather tried raising me until my grandmother died and they just couldn’t keep me any longer. I was adopted at four years old. Left my home and toys behind to go live with strangers. My adopted mom had just been remarried to a Navy man. They believed a son would help my adopted father get his life together and stop drinking. It didn’t work. Life’s pressures made everything worse. Lots of domestic violence, calls to local police, bar fights, dad passed out on the lawn, the porch, even the little hallway in our home. Home was always a hairpin trigger away from violence and weekends in jail. My mom couldn’t take it and we certainly couldn’t take it. She divorced him and it was calm until my dad hit rock bottom and took his own life. He felt it was his only way out. I was twelve at the time.

At fifteen my mom wanted better for me and my little sister, my adopted parents only birth child. She started going to church. Honestly, I liked church. It made my mom happy and there were cute teenage girls there – so it was a win win. It was going fairly well until she decided I needed to go to church camp over president’s weekend. I did not want to go to church camp, I didn’t feel like being brainwashed into a saint of some kind. Mom was committed to making me go saying, “you need better friends.” That point was very true. My friends were starting to get into drinking, drugs and just behaving like neighborhood hoodlums. I went because it made her happy. I wanted to make my mom happy, she had been through so much. And, despite the multiple marriages, she was a good mom.

My mom dropped me off in the church parking lot with about 30 other teenagers, most of which already knew each other, I didn’t know anyone. One guy asked me to sit with him on bus ride up to the mountains. I really appreciated that. Friday night, up in Big Bear, California, the youth sponsors held an evening youth service. I didn’t recognize any of the music, but it was not churchy so I liked it. During the singing time a bunch of the students began raising their hands and sang out loudly. I was a little confused but impressed because there were no adults making them do this. It made me think a little bit about my own life.

Next day was all fun. Lots of snow play and getting to know all the guys. And yes, I noticed the cute girls as well. They were all definitely out of my league. I was was the adopted kid with a double divorced single mom. I was actually having fun and it was nice to leave all the problems I was having back at home.

Saturday night came with another youth service. I did fine the night before, so I thought, I can make it through another one. But then I started thinking about my own life, my past and how I just knew that life ahead would be very difficult. I only had one promising plan to live a successful life – do everything opposite of all my parents. But what did that look like? How could I pull it off? I felt I had to pull away from the singing and just find a quiet place to think. I found a table towards the back of the room and got underneath it. I continued reflecting on my life. I was a little jealous of what the other students seem to have. They seemed like they knew the God they were singing about – singing to Him, like He was real. Then the strangest, most amazing thing happened to me next.

Out of nowhere I heard a voice speaking directly to me. I couldn’t say I heard it with my ears, yet voice was calm and clear. There was some familiarity to this voice, like I heard or felt something similar as a child. The voice spoke to me and said, “give me your life and I will be your dad.” My thoughts froze. Did I hear that right? The voice repeated, “give me your love and I will be your dad.” Same calm clear message. This time I protested. I said out loud, speaking to the voice, “I can’t, I’m not worth anything. I am a nobody and I don’t have anything to give you.” Which was true. I had nothing to offer this voice. Understand this, at this point I figured I was hearing from and speaking to God Himself. No, it wasn’t some kind of weird revelation telling me to do something. In fact it was very peaceful, comforting and very emotional. Just the thought of God being my dad. I had longed for a dad who behaved like a dad. A dad who loved me, helped me, was proud of me. It was a long time ache and the whole idea of getting a dad overwhelmed me. I started to cry a massive amount of tears as well as a running, snotty nose. It was a deep cry. While I was crying my life filled with all the dumb, bad things I had done had flashed before my eyes. I was an awful person, even at fifteen! The voice, once more spoke, “give me your life and I will be your dad.”

I had almost zero religious background with no real knowledge of the Bible or how God did things. I was not spiritual in anyway whatsoever. I had an offer given to me under the table and I simply accepted the deal. I said yes! I told God I didn’t have anything but my life and I freely gave it to him.

The story is so much longer, but back to the prompt. God is everything to me. He saw me, rescued me, changed my life and I am forever grateful for what He has done. Call it whatever you’d like. But I am telling you; from my personal experience that happened over 45 years ago. God is real. He knows me and loves me and I owe Him everything.