Category: One Anothers

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(anechomai – endure, take up, puts up with)

Eph 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Remember the time you got your feelings hurt by someone at church?

Or maybe there was just an annoying sister that got on your last good nerve and rode it all the way down.

Anyway, you might have said to yourself, “I don’t have to put up with the way I am being treated at this church.”

Well… it turns out… you do.

I know.  I can’t believe this is even in the Bible! King Jimmy’s version makes it easier to ignore because it’s stated so elegantly – “forbearing one another”.

That phraseology creates a beautiful picture in our mind.  We see ourselves holding up a weak brother’s faith so he can continue to fight on.  It’s a noble thought and not a bad picture.

The trouble is that it’s not the complete picture that Paul intended.

Modern English: PUT UP WITH one another.

It’s the sticky, enduring, suffering kind of “putting up with” that he is talking about.  It is MESSY. It’s all about follow through.  Will we commit to sticking with this person until the work is complete? Paul neatly couples that lovely “patient” word in front of it for emphasis.

I have to ask myself, “Am I a support or a column?” when it comes to “Putting Up With” a brother or sister.  As a support I can function as a temporary solution until more permanent girding can be found. I question whether I can be a column, a permanent part of the structure in someone else’s life.

This issue of real support is where the body of Christ functions in true community.  We come together to communicate and bring a system of care. Some churches are really strong in offering this kind of help. Maybe yours is one of them. I’ve seen three different kinds of crisis to deal with in the church:

1. Critical Crisis – there should be immediate consolation & comfort.
2. Chronic Crisis – there should be counseling.
3. Constant Crisis – well, honestly, there should be confrontation.

Prayer: Jesus, maybe my patience and ability to put up with a sister isn’t where it should be. Would you help me (and I know that means real work involved) to up my game when it comes to supporting and loving fellow believers? Amen

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(chrestos -good,upright,honest)

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

To be compassionate means to provide what is needed. The word compassionate comes from the word for spleen. You feel it deeply in your gut. The spleen filters blood and keeps the body from being poisoned.

And right at that moment they needed a pen! My wife and I were traveling internationally. As we approached the customs check point at the airport we discovered that several of us had not completed the final section on the travel forms. The tension was high as the woman who was checking off the forms was holding up the line. We had suitcases and carry-on bags so our hands were full.

She expected us to fill out a form WITH A PEN???

The couple next to us had a toddler in a stroller and they were panicked. I could hear the tension rising in their voices. Blame and frustration was about to explode into an angry outburst. At that moment I realized that in my small backpack I “happened” to have two pens. You need to know – I NEVER carry a pen because I’m a digital guy. For me to have two pens is nothing short of a miracle. I quickly grabbed the extra pen and gave it to the husband, who was in the greatest need of this miracle, since he was the more anxious of the two. BOOM – That is kindness.

Kindness is providing something when it’s needed most. You see, kindness is about being perceptive to those around you and taking advantage of the timing. It’s like FLASH LOVE! Maybe Paul connected the word compassion with the word kind because compassion is feeling a need in your gut. The word comes from “Spleen” – wild huh?

So be a good spleen and make those moments count by being kind to a brother. Act quickly, you may miss the fun!

Father, it would be so fun to do something unexpected and totally acting like you. Could you arrange for me to see a need and then help me be bold and follow through with an act of kindness toward my brother or sister. Amen

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(eusplagchnos – Inwardly passionette, sacrificially, give freely, charmingly, favor)

Eph 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

The giving of a gift.

Granting grace.

Raise your hand if you’re one of those people that just has a hard time letting go of a wrong or a hurt done to you. I would be in this category, but I just don’t have the memory space in my brain to store wrongs alongside the things necessary to live life!

Forgiveness, it seems, has been given a bad reputation. Here are some common misperceptions:

We still think it’s…

• letting someone off the hook.
• allowing them to get away with it.
• forgiveness means forgetting.

We actually think we are in control of another person’s happiness, future or behavior.

We think, by sheer will, that holding onto the memory will punish the perpetrator a bit longer.
How exhausting that must be. It turns out that un-forgiveness is a bitter poison that goes down easy and then like a cancer cell destroys from the inside out. I’ve seen the hollowed souls that have become a shell of what they used to be – because of not practicing this powerful word.

In the letter to Ephesus Paul says to forgive if you have any blame or fault with someone.

BLAME

– now that’s a word that needs a whole different discussion. Blame is easy to grab when you’re hurt or something goes wrong.

The bad news; having it, holding it or wielding it never helps YOU. It’s just a lousy weapon to pickup.

Well I like to end on the truth about the word forgiveness. It comes from the word “grace” or gift. So bottom line… forgiveness the act of giving a gift.

I’m sure that’s the last thing you want to think about when you have been gossiped about at church and sister vomit has turned all your friends against you. Or walk into church one day and find out that everyone knows you have an IRS lean because your Christian accountant felt it necessary to “inform” the Pastor of your financial problems.

Yeah, that’s the kind of environment where this word has to work and has to be real.

I can’t begin to tell you how many issues are masked under the guise of DOCTRINE, THEOLOGY or POLICY just because there have been hurt, wounds and NO FORGIVENESS. And apparently the higher up on the church-food-chain you are the less expected or less likely that forgiveness is given or asked for! If there were more forgiveness between each other there would be a better chance at unity and a better reflection of Jesus to the world and to new believers.

Prayer:
Father, even though I know your word says to forgive I still have a difficult time practicing this one. Please help me give gifts of grace to my brother just as you have given to me.

next week… speak to one another

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(laleo)

Ephesians 5:19 “Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord.”

This one is slightly different depending on the translation you use. King James version translates it as “speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,” The English Standard version uses the term “addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.” The New Living translation makes it sound like when we speak to one another we should be making music in our hearts to the Lord.

Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit interjects this instruction following some quick one liners. In the preceding verse 19, he had written “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit”. I see it as a kind of a play on words – “don’t get sauced get soaked!”

When we are filled, or soaked in the Spirit, are our tongues loosened to speak? Does being filled with the Spirit result in greater freedom to speak with one another? I’ll leave that to you.

I wish I could take more time to go into the richness of psalms, hymns and spiritual songs at this point.

Instead, let’s just focus on talking to one another. I have seen a growing trend among believers. It’s as though we think it is no longer necessary to use words to communicate care and authenticity. I would like to see a shift toward Christians becoming masterful word smiths. I believe we need to learn from “The Word who became flesh, and dwelt among us” about the power of the spoken word.

We must learn to use words. Too often our actions are misinterpreted. If we only guess about another person’s feelings without actually asking them to explain in their own words, well that’s a mess. Communication is critical and vital in our relationships. And the words we use should be encouraging and uplifting to one another. It is too easy to use words that tear down, the challenge is to speak in a way that builds up. Have you had someone give you a timely word, a scripture verse or even a song that just fit perfectly with your situation? It is amazing and we should be doing more of it when we see each other at church and throughout the week.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Father, help me to use words in ways that help instead of hurt. I want to be like You in showing care by speaking out loud, and allowing others to speak to me as well. As I go about my week and come across a bit of wisdom, a good word or song, help me to pass those words on to just the right person. I want to be known as someone who speaks life!

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(hupotasso – place under, subject, subordinate)

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

1 Pet 5:5 Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I’m a natural follower. If someone has a plan, it all looks good and the leader is decent – I’ll go along. It takes a lot less work to follow than it does to lead. So whether this word is about following or obeying, as long as it seems right this one is easy for me. I just set myself under their authority and go for the ride.

I’m not sure we should be able to confuse “easy way” with the word submit. I see most Christ followers doing this quite well – toward a good leader. But ask someone to submit to someone in a “perceived” lesser position that’s when it gets interesting.

Submission in general is easy when we want to place ourselves under the authority of someone we respect. But when we have to submit simply because it’s right then it can become a battle.

Peter starts out by stating the obvious, “submit to the elder.” Check! It’s all good. However, he continues with “submit yourselves to one another.” Skreeeeeeech – HOLD ON THERE – to each other? Then he goes on to talk about humility.

Paul says to do it out of fear of God and Peter says to do it from a position of humility.

As we revere God, as we place ourselves under God… shouldn’t that lead to a proper attitude of humility toward each other?

Or, do we have a mixed up way of thinking about ourselves and others? Do we think some have a higher standing with God than others? Where does that thinking come from?

Do you think maybe it’s time to stop treating each other the way we did on the playground in grade school? Can we let go of the “pecking order” mentality when it comes to submission? Can we surrender to the authority God may give to someone else in our lives?
We honor God and reflect humility and love by submitting LATERALLY as well as vertically! Hey, there’s a thought.

Maybe the next time a new Christian comes up with an idea we can say, “Hey, I like it!” Then actually implement it, or go along with it. How about this? When the church janitor says to you, “Hey, would you clean up after yourself?” We gladly do what he asks with a humble, thankful and submissive heart.

Oh, and by the way, this word “submit” goes way beyond just husbands and wives – it’s for all of us!

Prayer: Father help me keep a holy perspective on the way you run things and help me check my attitude when I need to submit to someone. I’m sure you will have an opportunity for me to practice this word coming up real soon.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

– (didasko) teach

Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

This one of those “and” instances paired with the phrase “one another” We have previously covered the word “admonish” as we discussed instructing or cautioning one another. Now let’s take a look at how we can teach each other.

Are we not constantly learning from each other? The power of observing a good model should never be underestimated. People do watch you! When you are extraordinary things in the Christian community, folks notice.

I use the following story to point out how we are so different from each other. It illustrates how we are uniquely driven to respond to the needs we see around us.

You are in a crowded church fellowship hall for a evening meal. You are sitting around a table with several friends and you notice that one of volunteer servers is brand new and is having a rough time.

The new server comes out of the kitchen with a huge tray filled with four or five full plates. You hear the crashing sound of dishes and see food flying everywhere. He had tripped over something and went crashing to the ground.

What happens next?

One person jumps up to comfort the server.
One goes down on the floor to immediately start picking up broken dishes.
Another stands up and gives orders, “Tell the kitchen they need another tray of food. Somebody get a mop! Is anyone hurt?”
Still another goes into the kitchen to find out who overloaded the new volunteer with more than he could handle.
And someone also prays! Yes, prays!

We need each other. I need you to be you and you need me to be me. Does that sound too simplistic? Well, it’s true. At some point, in life’s unexpected moments, we all become teachers. At other times, we are learners.

I’m positive there is something I need to learn from you. Will you teach me?

Prayer: God, I may not see myself as a teacher but I know you have taught me some amazing lessons along the way. Help me to simply pass on those valuable truths to others. It may help them as well.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(oikodomeo – literally to build houses, plan and plant)

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Plan to build.

What a wonderful word Paul gives us. Encourage – be a house-builder. This word is a combination of the words, “house” and “build.” The thing I love about building is that it takes planning and a blueprint.

When we built an addition to our house several years ago I was surprised at how much time and money went into the planning stage. I was also surprised by how often I looked at the plans to make sure I knew where things were supposed to go and how they were supposed to work.

I had never thought of encouragement working in that way. I thought of encouragement as a spontaneous expression. The concept of catching someone doing a good thing and giving them recognition right then. It was serendipitous!

Is it possible to have a building plan and modify it when it comes to encouraging one another? Yeah, I know it sounds like work, but it is godly work.

What would happen if we could recognize a brother or sister’s gifting in the body of Christ and then systematically, methodically encourage them to develop that gift? Who has that role in our churches? If you answer, “Sunday School teachers and pastors,” or “Jesus” you are missing Paul’s point. Ask yourself, “What am I doing to encourage someone else?”

And before you turn inward by indulging in self-pity by thinking, “No one is encouraging me”. I challenge you to go first!

Encouragement can be more than a momentary boost of affirmation. It can also add long term strength and hope for the individual’s future. Any amount of godly encouragement is never a waste of time.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, I may not be the best planner in the world but I do know how to listen and obey. Please lead me and inspire me to think beyond just today and help build someone up for their tomorrow.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(parakaleo – comfort, aiding, assisting)

Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Hebrews 10:25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Most of our Bibles may translate the word exhort, as “encouragement”. But we just looked at that word last week and this word is very different.

…To call to one’s side.

One of the words used for the Holy Spirit is “Paraclete.” One who “comes along side.” Also known as comforter.

Where in the world did we get the idea that the Christian life is a solo act? No wonder so many are discontented with their walk with God – they are doing it alone!

The whole idea of coming together is to experience life and Jesus alongside each other. And when things are really tough (because life is hard) we have each other to bring comfort. Most often we don’t need to give vast words of wisdom, we just need to be present – and listen. Folks want to be heard and understood. They want someone just to sit with them, even in complete silence. I’m pretty sure everyone reading this can do that!

Those 52 Sundays aren’t supposed to be filled with regular sit-fests staring at the back of someone’s head and nod-smiling at the Pastor from time to time. Come on! What part of any of these “one another’s” do you see in that?

“Exhort” or coming alongside to comfort must be done regularly and authentically to make love work. You have to know AND be known.

Sometimes I hear folks say, “Christianity isn’t church attendance.” I tell them, “the church needs you!” I can convince you that you need people, but what about all those people that need you?

Can we heed the author of Hebrews advice? – “Exhort one another; daily and regularly!” Who needs you to come alongside and just have you present, giving your full attention to whatever they are saying (or not saying).

Prayer: Father, I really need to see my church as a community of giving and receiving exhortation – comfort. And I need to come alongside people that are hurting and just be there for them. Help me also to share my needs when I’m feeling alone or in trouble.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

(sumpathes -suffer with, be compassionate)

1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”

Can you “feel it in your gut” when a brother or sister is suffering?

Peter writes that harmony means “being sympathetic towards one another.” When your fellow Christian sister goes through difficult times, knowing that you feel that pain right along with them gives them great comfort.

I have to ask myself, “Am I coming to God and presenting my sister’s need as though it were my own? Do I shed tears or feel grief on behalf of someone else? Am I willing to feel “unsettled” because of her pain?”

Being sympathetic in prayer is one way to love one another. The way we talk to God about our fellow brother or sister’s pain can tell us a great deal about the level of our sympathy. Another way to love one another is to talk with someone when you know they are suffering. We all wonder, “What should I say? How should I act around them?”

It might help to think about how you would like to be treated when you are in pain. I know everyone in our family expresses suffering very different from each other. One, simply wants their basic needs met and prefers to have time just being left alone. Another, wants more and regular “attentiveness” even if that just means checking in on them. Still another, wants someone to stay close and “suffer” (linger) with them – they want to feel the physical presence of someone they know, love and trust. If you don’t know someone well enough to pick up on their preferences, you may need to ask. And then, maybe it’s not about words. I think people know when you care and are honestly concerned.

Here’s a tip. Rather than saying, “if you need anything let me know.” come up with a simple way to express your love and just do it. Send them some flowers, a heartfelt card or maybe a meal. Folks going through tough times rarely ask for help. Sometimes the suffering ones just assume their close friends will know what they need. In being sympathetic, put some actions to your love.

I know there are plenty of non-huggers out there. Honestly, a hug or even a double-handed handshake can go a long way to communicate when there are no words. A quick phone call or even a text message to say, “I was thinking about you and want to let you know I’m praying” will go a long way for a hurting soul.

Prayer: Jesus, help me to not only see when my sister or brother is in pain but help me to put myself in their shoes, to feel what they feel –  that should help my prayers to be more effective and my care to be more authentic. And help me be creative to actively serve them as well.

Next week – Hospitable