Author: hopebroker

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Tell your face

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.” Proverbs‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

If you’re happy and you know it, tell your face! The commonly used phrase is “it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.” That’s a bust. Scientists just don’t agree on the number of muscles it takes. But there is a social science or physiological truth, we tend to mirror or mimic each other’s faces! And, it has been proven that a smile benefits the smiler and the smilee (observer).

The wisdom writers capture a truth about us, an ancient truth about us that transcends culture (don’t tell the Soviets), race, creed or color – when we smile it changes the perspective of those around us. And yes, Americans smile the most out of any country. It doesn’t mean we’re happier, we’ve just been socialized to do it more. And, I like it.

I’m back to driving our beloved freeways on my commute to our church. Traversing “the” 5, 605, 22, 405 and 91 (whew) I am a big-time people watcher with my 3 second neighbors. I can tell who is going to change lanes, or cut me off before they (or if they) use their blinkers. I watch their eyes in their tiny little mirror. I spend MORE time looking in my rear view mirror to see who’s naughty or nice and try to get out their way so they can go and “get my ticket” 😀. Anyways, I see a lot of freeway emotions everyday! Do you know what emotion I like seeing the most? Yep, a smile. When I see people smiling, it really does make me smile. It momentarily makes me think about my own life, circumstances and instead of being all grinchy, I just join in.

Some people think about how much God loves them and it makes them smile. I think about how God is in control of what I see as chaotic, and it makes me smile knowing that I don’t have to fix anyone or anything. I smile thinking I’m going to be obedient to God and give him my best! Even when my heart is broken or one my friend’s spirit is crushed, I still believe that God is at work on his good plan and pleasure. So go on get your heart in a glad place and then your heart WILL tell your face to smile.

Prayer

Dad,
You know I’d much rather be happy than sad. I am completely okay with moving through sadness, madness, frustration or even exhaustion – I just don’t like staying there. I often think about how terrifyingly miserable my life was from four to fifteen years old, eleven years of my precious childhood. Then I look at what life has been like since you transformed me. What a difference! It’s not like everything went perfect, or that some seasons weren’t extremely difficult. But the difference was YOU. You were with me. I was not alone. You walked with me through those times. I have determined to be as happy as I can because my heart is no longer broken. Thank you!

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Spiritual Affective Disorder

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where its light can be seen by all who enter the house. “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.” Luke‬ ‭11:33-36‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Jesus launches into a famous discussion about light and darkness. And, it’s an object lesson for all time, all people. It’s pretty hard NOT to know or see the difference between light and dark. We spend our whole life learning it from the natural patterns of the sun. Personally, I love June because it’s the most sunlit month of the year. Contrarily, December is the darkest (more time for Christmas lights).

When you walk into your home after dark, you tend to want to turn on the lights. Of course, ancients lit lamps. Forgetting the idea of modern dimmers for a moment, we don’t normally make light just to dim it. In other words, we let it do it’s work illuminating.

Jesus then uses this everyday experience to jump into a spiritual lesson. He says, your eye is like a lamp. Hmmm, how so Jesus? Our eyes are gateways, inputs, data receptors to our soul. Yes, of course it goes directly to our brain, which flips images, makes sense of what we are seeing, then processes an intense interpretation of what our eyes see. But, Jesus makes it sound like our eyes (inputs) provide light for our body. Does our body need light? Physically, yes, it does. Not getting enough of it in our Northern States can mean mental trouble. It’s called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). It also provides a healthy dose of Vitamin D (we’ve heard a lot about that with Covid).

But Jesus wasn’t necessarily talking about the body’s physical health, he was talking about our soul, the actual health of our soul. Can a soul be sick, anemic? Yep, it can. When Jesus tells us to check the clarity (NLT, “healthy”) of our eye, he uses the word, haplous, which means single (undivided) focus, i.e. without a (secret) “double agenda.” He also compares the eye when it is clouded, blurred (NLT, “unhealthy) and oddly uses the word ponéros, which means evil, bad, wicked, malicious, or slothful.

Here’s the kicker, people normally want a healthy body and soul but don’t usually associate those ideals with what comes through our eyes, or the things we focus on. Jesus says there is a direct connection to what we focus on, what we take in and a healthy soul. Then Jesus Bible drops this truth, be careful you’re not actually allowing in or looking for darkness pretending or thinking that it’s light! Whoa. If our eyes are windows to our soul (I think they are), then what comes in those windows has direct access to our bodies and our souls.

Good old OT Job in 31:1, made himself a contract with his eyes, to NOT look at some things. Folks can get a whole different kind of S.A.D. by not tending to what they are letting into their lives. They can find themselves with a spiritual affective disorder.

Prayer

Dad,
Well, even if I’m not in tip-top physical shape, I sure don’t want to be spiritually anemic, especially knowing it’s because of what I’m taking into my view, my focus, my attention. Help me keep my eyes clear, free from evil, free from darkness. Your Word helps tremendously! Your word is a light tending to my feet and to my path forward. Ps 119:105. I will continue to hide it in my heart so I will not sin against you.

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Delightful determination.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions. The wicked have set their traps for me, but I will not turn from your commandments. Your laws are my treasure; they are my heart’s delight. I am determined to keep your decrees to the very end.” Psalms‬ ‭119:109-112‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There seems to be a tremendous side benefit to suffering, and I don’t like it one bit. A suffering heart is a tender heart and one that should draw near to God. You get this sense all through the Psalms when David and other writers lay out their troubles.

In his youth, David was constantly being pursued, hiding, running for his life. Yet, while he is in great anguish and notably the worst part of his existence- he was close to God. The most eloquent and beautiful words of deep love and commitment come out of him. And, not only are we, the readers, the benefactors, we also can develop a way of life similar.

The poignant question is, “Do we have to suffer to experience this closeness to God?” David’s dramatic phrases of his “life hanging in the balance” and the “wicked setting traps” for him are the life-season backdrop to his life as a younger man. But we all know what happens as David ages and gets all the luxuries and accoutrements of being a king! And, it’s in that season of his life, that commandments are broken and his heart’s determinations and affections are set on something else, someone with stunning beauty.

Which makes me ask another question, “Do we lose closeness to God when we are not suffering?” When there is no one is hunting us. There are no threats, no crushing circumstances of life. Do we delightfully determine God then? The seasons that we have much, or certainly more, are exactly the life stages that should be examined more closely!

Yet, I feel no desire whatsoever to put myself into states of suffering. Was this part of the reason monks and nuns would beat their own bodies (Self-flagellation) trying to force a physical, thus emotional suffering? They saw this a a spiritual discipline, calling it a “mortification of the flesh.” I see that as ridiculous. One thing about this Psalm is clear, David could never imagine a moment where he would “stop obeying” God’s instructions. Yet, we know he did. I would love to live a life that vigorously pursues God even as I age, even as I “get more” or have more.

Prayer

Dad,
Wow. It seems to me that we, as humans, are such a strange paradox. We are so simple in one sense, and deeply complicated in another. We’re simple in terms of our sin, our failures, like dogs returning to their vomit. We’re even predictable in that! In the other, we have and live with a duplicitous heart. One that longs, aches for a deep relationship with you. The other a horrible, unquenchable desire for our own will, our own way. When we’re young we are filled with vim and vigor. When we’re old we’re filled with memories and reflections. My desire is similar to David’s in his youth, to keep your decrees until death.

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Gravity don’t lie.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Then he showed me another vision. I saw the Lord standing beside a wall that had been built using a plumb line. He was using a plumb line to see if it was still straight. And the Lord said to me, “Amos, what do you see?” I answered, “A plumb line.” And the Lord replied, “I will test my people with this plumb line. I will no longer ignore all their sins.” Amos‬ ‭7:7-8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Full tilt and a bubble off!

This last vision Amos saw is so tame and cool compared to the other two before this. The first a swarm of locusts, a plague devouring everything. The second a raging fire sweeping across both land and sea. Also destroying everything. This third vision is so different! A plumb line.

How genius is this back in ancient days? We use a variation of plumb lines today with modern technology. Gravity don’t lie. Put a weight on a string and hang it from the top of a wall, fence or post and it will show you if the structure is straight, even or “plumb” as they say.

It would be odd to get into an argument about being straight when using a device like this. Someone may ask, “well, how do you know it’s straight?” Answer, look at the plumb line! They may argue, “well, how do you know if the plumb line is correct?”

Ah, a doubter of gravity eh? Gravity guarantees the weight hanging from a string, perpendicular to the object, is straight. Folks can argue all they want, choosing to question what’s straight or plumb, but unless they want crooked buildings, fences or posts they should line up their project to the plumb line.

God told Amos, He is the plumb line and the people of Israel, by their behaviors don’t line up! They are living crooked lives by giving and sacrificing to wooden poles and calling them god. The entire leadership of the country has gone wacky and God had enough of it. End of the line for King Jeroboam and the crooked priests feeding him nonsense.

What an object lesson! Amos, look for yourself, the whole bunch is BENT, broken, off kilter! God says, “I can’t ignore that.” When our lives are held up against a standard of what’s straight, what’s right, what’s good, we can clearly see we’re crooked! God is the standard, God is that plumb line everywhere and in everything. So, whether we’re leaning a little or a lot to the left or a little or a lot to the right, we’re still not straight compared to God’s perfection.

Prayer

Dad,
No arguments here. I know how good and perfect you are. I also know of your great mercy and grace to us. And, I know that the only one that stands perfectly straight next to this heavenly plumb line standard is Jesus! So I try to stand as close as I can to Him so that you see his perfection, his goodness, his righteousness. I am thankful for the work through Christ on our behalf.

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Oh the persistence of a well loved child!

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.” Luke‬ ‭11:11-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

No one knows persistence like a loved child! Warning: Grandchild story. Our three granddaughters are three and under. Once our grands get something they want in their heads, there is no shaking them off topic. If I happen to mention a special treat for them, the oldest is immediately working her charm. It’s starts with the sweetest of asks, “Papa, do you remember the treat you promised?” “Yes, but let’s wait until after dinner,” I say. Scattered throughout dinner are regular checkins both verbal and non-verbal. A increasingly more direct message, “Papa, remember.” Even though the oldest does the heavy lifting to remind, to maintain this gentle, but constant pressure of THE ASK, it is clear that she is asking for all three of them. And somehow our twenty-two month and our seventeen month old have their brilliant listening skills honed well before their verbal acumen. Now it’s all three staring me down. They remember, they ask and ask again.

It’s not only appropriate because it was promised, it’s adorable because they know that I will come through with the request. How could I not? And the fulfillment of a promise, a resolve of the persistence is complete – Papa serves all three of them with the treat! All is right with the world. A promise made, a persistent reminder is applied and most importantly a promise is kept. Jesus, teaching on how to pray leads off with the warmest, most affectionate way possible… “Our Father.” Then he ends with a good father story. You dads, if your children ask… well Jesus knew, we know, that sums up just about every toddler, preschooler persona – it’s more like WHEN your children ask!

Setting aside all the “Dad jokes,” teasing and ill-timed humor. GIVING good gifts is all that every good Dad wants to do. So, maybe we should come to our heavenly Dad much more preschoolish than we do. “Good God, I’m asking and I know you always keep your promises and want to give great gifts, I just want to remind you that I am waiting, believing and dependent on you.”

Prayer

Dad,
Jesus couldn’t have made it more clear. You love to be asked and love to give good gifts to your own. I’m asking for some pretty BIG gifts. Oh, they are not for me. Like my oldest granddaughter asking for her sister and cousin, I’m asking for my family and friends. I don’t mind reminding you that I am waiting and trusting you for the results.

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The wicked play a dangerous game

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“The wicked conceive evil; they are pregnant with trouble and give birth to lies. They dig a deep pit to trap others, then fall into it themselves. The trouble they make for others backfires on them. The violence they plan falls on their own heads. I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.” Psalms‬ ‭7:14-17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The wicked just play a different game, a dangerous one. I’m convinced that David is correct in how he feels. He views the wicked that not only come after him but just desire to cause havoc and chaos everywhere. The wicked just don’t seem to be happy unless they are making the world miserable. Oh, the endless schemes that are constantly being conceived! David says they are pregnant with trouble! His cry is to God to deal with the never ending hunger of those whose bent minds and broken hearts towards selfish and evil ends. This is the game that the wicked play! And, sadly, they play it well. The righteous, not of themselves, but of a yearning to do right, and obey God just want to live in peace. They don’t lie awake at night planning and scheming to greedily make more money or posses more power or to crush the poor and disenfranchised. They just want to do what’s right, live in peace and help others on the fringe to have a better life. The wicked don’t play fair, they play dirty! The godly can be as wise as possible, but should not, will not behave immoral with tactics that are wrong. The means to an end must be lived out with right behavior. The godly believe that God will not only honor behavior that reflects His character, but that God himself will bring about justice and judgment in his perfect timing. Our trust, our hope is in God almighty and His ultimate plans for us and this world.

Prayer

Dad,
Every day I see and hear lies, deceit and manipulation in every sector of our culture. I feel powerless to do anything about it. If I shout out the truth or speak of the evils going out on TV media, entertainment or social media I am called out with horrible, hurtful words. It all seems to have been reversed to what was the norm just forty years ago. Now Christianity is deemed evil and the most insidious lies and self-destructive behavior is now called good, even calling it kindness. It appears, at least in our country, you have let people live anyway they desire even when it will be their own demise. I ask, as the psalmist did, let your justice rise and your mercy save us from ourselves.

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Haters hate good.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another. We must not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and killed his brother. And why did he kill him? Because Cain had been doing what was evil, and his brother had been doing what was righteous. So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.” 1 John‬ ‭3:11-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Well this clears up some questions about the first two brothers. Don’t ya just love it when one of Jesus’ apostles helps us with some Old Testament interpretations? John is always going deep for the “Love God?” prove it by loving others!

Anyone can CLAIM that they love. This word has lost value in our world today. It’s been stolen, watered down and cut with nonsense and marketed back to us like a cheap cologne. It’s just a sales-pitch buzz word now.

Besides, anyone can say they love God and behave all holy and spiritual. Yet, because God is perfect and we can’t see him, we just have to take the person’s word for it when they say they “love” him. Oh, but trying showing love to another human, a flawed, broken human that is NOT perfect – not so easy.

This love John speaks of, towards one another, it doesn’t “save” them nor “save” us, it just lets us practice what we preach about our commitment to God himself. This love towards another doesn’t flippantly or carelessly push others away, judging them and walking away. No, this love artfully, thoughtfully engages them. This love stays in the fight for understanding, for perspective. This love LOVES HARD, determined, tenacious yet honest.

John gives an example. We must not be like Cain? What about Cain? Fun fact. Cain and Abel were not little boys, nor young men when Cain ended Abel’s life then angrily lied to God. No, they were in their 80’s! They had families and kids of their own.

Cain seethed over the fact that Abel just obeyed God and lived his life most likely getting all the good breaks because of being wise. Cain’s worst enemy was himself and continually believing a lie – he knew better than God and was self-determined to do life his way and prove that he did not need anyone telling him right from wrong. Cain snuggled up to the snake and chose evil as his advisor, his confidant.

When you choose to believe a lie and live towards that lie, only angry bitterness awaits you. It’s inevitable. Eventually, you’ll be picking up rocks and looking for something or someone to murder, looking for someone to blame for your own choices.

Haters hate good. Haters hate true justice. Haters have only one thing to prove, they don’t need God to be good, they can do it themselves!

Prayer

Dad,
There is no way I could ever be “good” or good enough on my own. I do not want to live for myself and unto myself as the standard of what love looks like. Kindness without your love is just a fake trying to duplicate who you are. It’s a northerner just responding with pleasantries but wishing the person would go away and leave them alone. Loving you is difficult on its own, but loving others? Wow – that’s the hardest love ever. I can say it with words but it’s empty without action. Help me to love like you love!

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It’s extremely hard to get our attention.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Therefore, I will bring upon you all the disasters I have announced. Prepare to meet your God in judgment, you people of Israel!” Amos‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Especially when we are living the high-life, going, doing whatever we desire, whatever we fancy.

Famous Amos, another spokesperson for God, has the wonderful opportunity to tell Israel the truth. While Israel is living it up, partying, taking advantage of others and all along offering sacrifices to idols! Giving time, money (crops and foods) and attention to block statues of wood called Baal.

Amos is pointing out the obvious, holding up a community mirror up in their faces. They were basically visiting whores while saying they were in a promised, lifetime relationship with the creator of the universes. Amos says, “Go ahead and offer sacrifices to the idols at Bethel. Keep on disobeying at Gilgal. Offer sacrifices each morning, and bring your tithes every three days. Present your bread made with yeast as an offering of thanksgiving. Then give your extra voluntary offerings so you can brag about it everywhere! This is the kind of thing you Israelites love to do,” says the Sovereign Lord.”

Betrayal, rebellion and brash, ballzy, hubris behavior towards God. So, yes, God sends a slew of reminders, strong hints that they were flirting with danger. Much of these were what we would call “natural” disasters or “Mother Nature.” What a laugh. These weren’t natural occurrences, they were supernatural messages to stop living a life destined for death. Even after famines, droughts, insect infestations and outright plagues reminiscent of Egypt, Israel just wanted to “Bill & Ted” their lives saying, “party on!”

How would you stop a high speed train barreling down the track destined to travel off a cliff? That’s right, you’d try your best to purposely DERAIL it, hoping to save lives. Amos is begging Israel to quit living for and giving to fake gods and come back to the real God.

I don’t want God to have to work that hard to get my attention, save my life, or accomplish His good and perfect will in this world. However, out of His mercy, God will do whatever it takes. I’ve seen some really awful things happen in people’s lives and I wonder, why? It’s it “natural” consequences from just living in a broken world. Is it the work of the chief liar and deceiver? Or – OR is it God trying to just get them to turn and make things right with Him? As I’ve said before, David, in the Psalms apparently ALWAYS attributes everything to God’s eventual control. I’d say it’s best to go to the one who has all the answers – God. Start there. Tell God what’s going on and ask him how to proceed. I also need to remember, because of Christ, these are NOT threats of hell, they’re disciplines of love to lead the full life God promised!

Prayer

Dad,
I don’t know a lot, but I do know what betrayal feels like. I know what it’s like to love someone, invest in a relationship and have it derail, sometimes even going bitter and sour. It is so painful to vulnerably give and have it spurned or used against you. Even in that tiny little example, I can see how wrong we are to run after “other” gods, fake gods made out of wood or electrons. Who won’t give back anything but pain. Who won’t, who can’t save us nor make life good for us! No fake gods for me thank you!

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You must love churchy people too

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?” The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!” The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Luke‬ ‭10:25-29‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Oh, I love this conversation that Jesus brings up! It’s so theologically deep and very much practical at the same time. Jesus takes two concepts from the Old Testament and smoothly combines them into one. He also has the guts to mess with the Shema. Jesus adds to this age-old, memorized commandment from God and forever enshrined as the most important saying that any Jewish person would ever need to know and repeat every moment possible. Jesus grabs Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18 slams them together and forever re-writes everyone’s cross-stitched, meme-plaqued memory verse in every Hebrew home! Love God, Love people. Simple, right?

Love God… so personal, intimate, mostly invisible and completely vertical. Ah, but loving people, that’s so much harder. Loving people is getting outside yourself, getting over yourself. It is very visible and completely horizontal. If I question your love for God, you can say, “how do you know what’s in my heart?” You can say it’s private and quietly so religious. I could say, “prove your love to God, I want to see it” but that sounds so invasive so judgey. But when Jesus lays out the truth that inheriting ETERNAL life is also loving humans, that becomes quite controversial. If I question your love for people, you no longer get to hide behind your internal thoughts and yummy feelings of love in your heart. I can say prove it! Oh, you don’t like people? Oh, your an introvert and God knows you need your sequestered life of solitude. Hmmm. Love people? Where? Who? How is that done? It requires being around others! It requires getting outside our own world of peace and tranquillity and interact with the messy, chaotic, painful, but also joyful aspects of humanity.

Jesus says this is how to get eternal life. Actually this is how to also LIVE life here on this planet. I have a great suggestion and a wonderful place to start practicing this requirement Jesus lays out. How about going to Church! How about getting around other believers, because the gathering of believers IS THE CHURCH. How about practicing on them.? You say you love God? Then practice loving your own brothers and sisters in the family of God. Too difficult? Yeah, some of you have figured out that loving non-church folk is easier than loving church peeps. Sure non-church folk are less judgey about cultural issues, not completely so, if you’ll admit the truth. But they are super hypocritical and judgey about religious types.

It’s ironic to think that hypocrites and judgey folk are only believed to be “in” the church. We’re all human here. All sinners here.

What if I said, to inherit eternal life you’ve got to love God and love church-folk as yourself? How would that sit with your theology?

Prayer

Dad,
Wow. We really are tough on each other. I can see how important it is to not just love you, but be loving and show that love to others. When I do this, I begin to understand your love for me and I begin to look more like Jesus as I work hard to figure that out. It sounds odd to ask if you would help us to love church-folk and religious types. But would you help us please?

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Going to God first, BEFORE we spin out.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage. Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me? Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?” Psalms‬ ‭6:1-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

David implores God to restore, not continue to rebuke. To heal, not to discipline as David sees it. I realize this is probably David’s general outlook or worldview. EVERYTHING that happens, good or bad, comes from God. Interesting right? I don’t see David blaming natural consequences per se, or an evil presence such as Satan when things are going bad. I don’t even see him really blaming King Saul or evil men. He’s really got his focus on God’s design and desire to control all that happens in his life and the kingdom life. Why else would David constantly remind God of how long he’s been waiting for justice?

In this passage David dramatically reminds God of something else. How can I praise you of I’m no longer alive? Who praises from the grave? Well… I get his point. We would rather praise and tell of God’s great mercy here, while we’re alive in this planet, while there are people to hear the testimonies of His goodness. However, from a eternal perspective, God will always receive praise, even from the beyond. I’m not sure about the ancients view of the afterlife. David uses the word, “sheol.” Which is a realm of the dead, where all the dead go. He certainly did not believe he could continue to give God praise from there.

What would happen if I took my griefs, failures and frustrations to God FIRST? If I had this kind of open conversation with God at the front of my tendency to “spin” or ruminate? I just had this happen. And I was feeling desperate to tell someone what I had experienced, what I was feeling AND let those awful theories take my brain off to a hundred different directions. The one I should have talked to first, was God. The Psalms always reminds me to do this, that’s what I love about these songs and poems. But I still don’t choose God first! It’s very annoying that I do this.

Prayer

Dad,
Even though you have given me access and permission to go to you, to approach you, I still have a difficult time following through. Maybe it’s just me? Maybe everyone else just does this automatically. I even had the perfect yucky day yesterday and was wishing I could tell someone to get it out of my head, but oh no, I didn’t pray a peep! I didn’t let you in. I didn’t reach out for help to sort through the pain and disappointment. I do remember pausing before I sent some dumb texts that would have made things worse. I need you so badly when things are stressful and I start dropping or forgetting important things I’m supposed to get done.